Healthy lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle is one which helps to keep and improve people's health and well-being.Many governments and non-governmental organizations have made big efforts in healthy lifestyle and health promotion.
Mental Health
Mental health can be considered a very important factor of physical health for the effects it produces on bodily functions. This type of health concerns emotional and cognitive well-being or an absence of mental disorder.
Public health
Public health can be defined in a variety of ways. It can be presented as "the study of the physical, psychosocial and socio-cultural determinants of population health and actions to improve the health of the population.
Reproductive Health
For the UN, reproductive health is a right, like other human rights. This recent concept evokes the good transmission of the genetic heritage from one generation to the next.
Health
Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.
lundi 14 mai 2018
Leslie Mann on What She Taught Her Daughter Maude: "Whatever's on the Inside Comes Out"
When Jergens asked if I wanted to spend a brunch with Leslie Mann and Maude Apatow, it wasn't a hard sell. Who doesn't want to hang out with Leslie? And while Maude's star is just starting to rise, I knew that if she was anything like her parents, she would be a blast, too. (I was right.)
The brand then spiced up the offer: in the spirit of Mother's Day, my mom would be invited, too. We celebrated at the Waldorf Astoria in Beverly Hills with a group of 50-plus editors, influencers, and their moms. We also got to chat with Leslie and Maude, both spokeswomen for Jergens, one on one. Check out the conversation below.
POPSUGAR: What's the number-one piece of beauty advice that your mom has given you that you've taken to heart?
Maude Apatow: She has always told me not to overpluck my eyebrows, and now thick eyebrows are cool. I have thick eyebrows [Laughter], and so I'm very glad I didn't pluck them. And then, also just to stay moisturized.
POPSUGAR: Do you have a first makeup memory, something you maybe saved your money to buy or an experience using a product that you remember thinking, "OK, I'm using makeup now. This is so cool"?
MA: Well, I remember the first time my mom put mascara on me for Halloween when I was really little. I don't know how old I was, like 5 or 6, and I was so excited. I was like, "I look amazing right now." But I think at Sephora they have the Sephora brand eye shadow palettes that fold out. I remember I saw that, and I was like, "Oh my God."
Leslie Mann: And we got it for you for Christmas.
MA: I got that for Christmas, and I was so excited!
POPSUGAR: Growing up in LA and having the mom and dad that you have, I'm sure you probably have some pretty cool celebrity stories. Do you have anything that rings a bell or a memory that you're like, "I bet not a lot of other people have this memory"?
MA: I saw one of the actors from Lost at Coffee Bean. We live in LA, but I was so excited, and I don't think I've seen him anywhere else.
POPSUGAR: That's great. He's not lost anymore. Do you have a go-to makeup brand or look that you're really into right now that you'd want to share with your fans?
MA: I love all of the . . . what are they called? These lip glosses, I can't remember.
LM: Oh, yeah, the Chanel.
MA: They're like short and matte. Are they called Rouge Coco? The new Chanel ones, I love those. Because they last really long but they don't dry out your lips. I love those. The nudish one of that, I use like every day.
LM: And I agree. Those actually don't flake and look crazy after a while.
POPSUGAR: Leslie, this is for you. What advice did you give Maude when she first started talking about acting? Was there anything that you didn't want her to learn the hard way or go through that you had been through personally?
LM: I think the one good piece of advice we give both of our girls is to write your own stuff so that you don't have to rely on other people to give you jobs. Write your own stuff, make your own stuff, direct your own stuff, which you can totally do nowadays even if you have no money. You can make a little movie for almost nothing. And anyone can sit down and try to write.
MA: And you have social media and the internet to put out what you do. And it's so easy, you could make a movie on your iPhone now. It's so crazy. And you've always said, "Be fully committed to whatever you do." Commit. And serve the story, not ourselves.
POPSUGAR: Was there advice that she has given where you thought at first, "Ugh, Mom," but then, you were like, "Yeah, Mom's right. Always"?
MA: You've given me beauty advice that I haven't trusted, but then I looked back and I'm like, "Oh."
LM: What? Tell me!
MA: I don't know. Just heavy eyeliner over dark eye shadows always looks terrible.
LM: What about the smile?
MA: I used to smile really - wait. That makes it sad. [Laughs] I just did this really weird forced smile, with like, an underbite.
LM: With her bottom teeth pushed out!
MA: But I was really young. I was like 4.
LM: And I'm like, "Maudie? Just smile." And she said, "No." And that's her passport picture.
POPSUGAR: Beauty is more than just looking good. It's deeper. What did you hope to teach both of your daughters about beauty growing up?
LM: Whatever's on the inside comes out. What's happening on the inside, your thoughts, how you take care of yourself, the food you put into your body. That's everything because then you feel good, you feel happier, and if you think positive thoughts, if you are kind to people, it all comes out on your face.
POPSUGAR: I feel like such a dork even asking this next question, but I'm going to. You're a really cool mom to have. What's the most "mom" thing you've done when it comes to parenting? Is there something that you have thought to yourself, "Wow. OK. I'm officially a mom. I did this. It happened"?
LM: I am cool, but I also track them on Find My Friends.
MA: Sometimes, you don't know how to work FaceTime. That was the first time that technology was an issue. She's like, "How do I turn the camera around?!" Other than that, you're pretty savvy. You're not embarrassing.
MA: You're not embarrassing.
LM: Thanks, Maude!
MA: Iris thinks you're embarrassing.
LM: Iris would say I'm embarrassing. What do I do with Iris that's embarrassing?
MA: Everything.
LM: Everything embarrasses her because she's 15.
MA: She's angsty.
LM: It's different.
POPSUGAR: I've been following [Maude] for a while on Instagram and your sister. I have to say, your accounts are so fun. I have to know, Leslie, were you ever worried about your kids getting on social media, especially with how big the platform has become for them?
LM: Yeah. A little bit. I mean -
MA: I was nervous about being on social media.
LM: Yeah. I think with Maude, we felt a little more comfortable. She seemed to have a good handle on it. And Iris was a little bit younger and would put things on her Instagram that were inappropriate. And we've had many fights about what's appropriate and what isn't. It's been tricky. But now, I feel like she's got it handled for the most part.
MA: It is scary, though, right now having to be so young and to have people paying attention to what you're posting. I don't think I had that when I was that age. We made funny videos and took weird pictures, but no one would ever see them. And I'd be so embarrassed thinking back if someone saw that now. So to see all these really young kids are posting all of that stuff is a little scary. Because it doesn't go away.
POPSUGAR: So for Maude and Iris, when were you guys allowed to watch Knocked Up? Was that something you were allowed to watch immediately?
MA: No. We didn't - well, because we were like 7. And 2.
LM: I don't think so. I don't think we ever let them watch it. It think they just found a way to sneak and watch it. But probably a while after. But also, most of that stuff just goes over their head.
POPSUGAR: This is the rapid fire. So this is for both of you. What makes you feel beautiful?
MA: Jergens.
LM: Jergens.
POPSUGAR: You are a great spokesperson. They are applauding you right now.
LM: Yes. Let's think. Love.
MA: Clear skin.
POPSUGAR: What's your favorite thing about your dad, your husband [Judd Apatow]?
MA: His humor.
LM: His belly.
POPSUGAR: What advice would you both offer Iris as she's finding her own path in life?
MA: Just follow in my footsteps and you'll be fine!
Iris Apatow: Will do.
MA: Chill with attitude. [Laughs] No, just kidding.
LM: Follow your heart, but make sure your heart's in the right place.
POPSUGAR: What were the first fragrances that you ever picked out?
LM: Paris by Yves Saint Laurent. I still have it. And I smell it all the time, and it reminds me of when I was a teenager.
MA: Mine was maybe a sample of that Chanel one, Coco. I used that, and I was like, "Oh, I'm so fancy!" It was a Sephora sample.
POPSUGAR: What is your favorite Instagram account?
LM: Maude and Iris. I only follow them.
MA: I love -
LM: The Bichon, Tori?
MA: No, I don't want to say that one.
LM: It's true, though.
MA: Yeah, I guess. I follow a lot of dogs on Instagram. My favorite dog is this dog, Bichon Tori. It's just this little cotton-ball dog. Every time it comes up on my feed, I feel like I want to cry. It's so cute. So that.
8 Beauty Trends You Can Actually Rock This Spring
Fashion Week may work a year ahead of schedule, but that doesn't mean you can't grab some of the beauty trends and work them into your world right now. Honestly, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to fashion and beauty, and we say run with inspiration wherever you find it! From bold neon makeup and glittery lids to understated glamour and sheer hues, we're showcasing eight beauty trends from FW18 runways that we predict will be on neighborhood sidewalks in the coming months.
Cruelty-Free Mascaras That Even Lash Extension Addicts Will Love
If you're thinking of transitioning your beauty routine to cruelty-free, we're here to help. There's no reason that cosmetics brands need to test on animals (it's not required by law in the United States), and many of your favorite brands have sworn off testing on our furry friends. Most beauty junkies don't want to sacrifice makeup quality - especially when it comes to getting long, thick, voluminous lashes - and you don't have to.
We've rounded up some of the blackest, thickest, most incredible mascaras on the market that all happen to be 100 percent cruelty-free. Keep reading to find your next go-to mascara without harming any animals.
These 8 Short Styles Are Ideal For Fine-Haired Beauties
We all grumble about one thing or another when it comes to our physical traits, and that definitely includes the texture and thickness of our hair. Thick-haired people lament the hours spent just trying to blow-dry, and curly-haired folks are forever trying to figure out a way to tame frizz. And then there are those with fine hair whose primary objective is to determine the best way to boost volume and texture. We're focusing on the latter category today.
"Fine hair can achieve just as many versatile looks as thick, dense hair given a few essential styling aids and insights," noted Amanda Elaine Killen, Amika's Pro Educator. "First, fine hair like any other hair, needs to be hydrated properly to maintain health, so don't throw out your conditioners in defeat just yet. Try a lightweight yet nourishing conditioner - like Normcore Signature Conditioner ($9) - which is free of the parabens found in many conditioners that cause buildup and weigh hair down."
She also suggested using a matte texturing spray and/or volumizer to create additional texture and absorb the excess oil that causes too much slip in your style. Once you've got those basics down, the salon chair is your oyster. We've rounded up eight short hairstyles that are especially great for thinner hair since they better allow you to volumize and accentuate what you're already rocking.
My Skin Finally Looks Smooth Again Thanks to This 1 Product
Every time the weather rapidly fluctuates (which is starting to be the norm here in New York City), my skin freaks the f*ck out. I get small bumps all over my skin and break out on my chin. Some parts of my face become dry, while others remain quite oily. Luckily, after searching for a product to solve my skin woes via the Sephora Beauty Insider Community, I found some incredible reviews of the Sunday Riley Good Genes ($105).
Although the price tag made me gasp, I figured that the skin benefits might be worth it. I've long been a fan of chemical exfoliants, and the pretty frosted-glass bottle is packed with 5 percent lactic acid, an alpha hydroxy acid (AHA). The lactic acid in the treatment plumps up your skin in three minutes and diminishes the look of fine lines as well as removing dead skin cells from your skin to create a more even surface. Good Genes also contains licorice to battle hyperpigmentation (something I battle with postblemish), lemongrass to boost radiance, and aloe to soothe the skin. Simply put, I had high hopes for this product.
To my delight, Good Genes came through for me. After applying the treatment to my skin at night, I woke up to a clearer, brighter complexion. It might be a splurge, but this little product has earned itself a permanent spot in my overcrowded medicine cabinet.
I've Been Using the Same $8 Mascara For Years and It Makes My Lashes Crazy Long
When it comes to good makeup recommendations, I can always trust my mom. She taught me everything I know about beauty products - she can rock everything from a dark lip to a shimmery smoky eye. That's why I totally trusted her when she recommended L'Oréal Voluminous Original Mascara ($8) to me several years ago. Her lashes looked so long and fluttery with it on that I had to try it for myself.
I have always been frustrated with my own lashes. They're short and straight. It's hard to find a mascara that clings to each hair and truly gives off a luscious finish. That's when this new formula changed everything. The soft, classic brush combs through my lashes while applying plenty of product. With just one coat, my lashes are instantly thicker and longer. In the top photo below, you can see the difference when I apply the mascara to just my left eye. The photo beneath that shows both eyes fully coated.
Besides making my lashline more visible, the Carbon Black hue in inky and saturated. It pops against my blue eyes and nicely complements all eye shadow colors. The mascara also stays on all day without flaking or rubbing off. After a few swipes in the morning I'm all set until I wash my face at night.
I've been using this mascara for years now and it's still my favorite. If you're in the market for a new option, head to your local drugstore and give this one a try. I have no doubt you'll be as obsessed as I am.
Joanna Gaines Posts Sweet Video of Her Baby Boy Kicking to the Beat: "He Loves Music"
Joanna Gaines got some hammock relaxation in before Mother's Day, plus some one-on-one time with her baby boy. After cheering her husband (and fellow HGTV star) Chip Gaines on during his marathon last weekend, Joanna deserves to put her feet up. The Fixer Upper star posted a video to her Instagram story on May 12, showing her little one kicking and moving inside her belly.
She captioned the photo "This baby can already keep a beat . . . He loves music." Think Gaines baby No. 5 will be a musician? Looks like he's got rhythm. We're anxiously anticipating his arrival around July!
It's Party Time! 57 Creative First Birthday Party Ideas
Congratulations, you've made it through the first year of parenthood! Ask any new mama - who feels like just yesterday she brought home a newborn and is now planning baby's first birthday bash - and she'll tell you how fast a year can fly by. Baby's first birthday is a once-in-a-lifetime affair, and as parents, we all want to make it a memorable one - but where to start? From smash cakes to party favors, we've got you covered. Put on your party-planning hat and get inspired to throw the party of the year with these creative first birthday party ideas.
My Daughter Is Obsessed With Her Grandma, and It's Becoming a Problem
"Can I puh-lease call Gaga?" my almost-7-year-old daughter asked me this morning at 7:15, 10 minutes before her bus was due to arrive. If this were an isolated incident, I'd definitely agree to a quick call, feeling happy that my daughter and my mother (who also happens to be my best friend) have formed such a tight bond.
Instead, I was just annoyed, mostly because this was the fourth time in the last 24 hours my daughter had made the same request, and that wasn't counting the handful of times she swiped my phone and called her grandmother without asking.
I get that my mom's just trying to help, but it would be nice to feel like my rules are being respected and adhered to.
"Let's give Grandma a break, honey," I replied. "We can call her after school." Then the waterworks started, and because it was 7:15 in the morning and I hadn't had time to make coffee yet, I relented, figuring the phone call was the lesser of two evils and allowing it was the best way to stick to my survivalist parenting philosophy.
They spoke for a few minutes in hushed, loving tones (I could hear both sides of the conversation because my daughter thinks my phone only works on speaker mode) before I forced them off the phone so my daughter wouldn't miss the bus. After I got her out the door, I called my mom back. "I'm sorry she's being so obsessive about calling you," I said. "Oh, I love it," my mom replied. "Please let her call me as much as she wants."
And herein lies the problem. As crazy about my mother as my daughter is, my mother is equally nuts about her. In theory, it sounds like a good problem to have, but in reality, it feels like some invisible boundary is being crossed. It's like my daughter and my mother (who is known to spoil my kids rotten) have placed themselves on one side of that boundary, while I am ensconced on the opposite side. And that side is the "mean Mommy" zone.
I can't tell you how many times my daughter has pitted my own mother against me. We'll all be together for a short visit or a longer vacation, and she'll decide she wants the third ice cream cone or more screen time that I've already said no to. So she'll throw a fit and run to Grandma, who then tries to negotiate a deal between the two of us. What if she just has half an ice cream scoop? Or just 10 more minutes of screen time?
I get that my mom's just trying to help, and really, who wants to see their grandchild upset? But it would be nice to feel like my rules are being respected and adhered to, even when the elder generation is in the building. I am, after all, the mother, and shouldn't what I say go? Of course, my daughter would say no, especially when my rules aren't in line with what she wants, and she knows Grandma's rules are made explicitly to please her only granddaughter.
Next week, the three of us - mom, daughter, and grandma - are going on a girls' trip to the beach for a long weekend. It's the third year we've gone, and I'm sure that once again, I'll feel a bit like the third wheel on their doting, cuddle-filled vacation. There will be multiple times when I'll have to choose whether to put my foot down (and deal with the conflict it will create) or be swayed by my mother's insistence that giving my kid "one more" of whatever she currently wants is a better, kinder choice.
Looking on the bright side, however, at least my daughter's preference for her grandmother means I can take a break from being the one who's always in charge. Let Grandma take the lead. I'll be reading my book. And sure, have all the ice cream cones you want.
The 3 Toxic Moms You Need to Cut Out of Your Life
Since having my daughter almost six years ago, I've been lucky to have a lot of mom friends. Not only did about a dozen of my close friends from college have their first children within a year of me, but I've been introduced to a whole new crop of girl buddies through my daughter (who knew kids made such great wingmen?!). The truth is, I think we all need a lot of mommy friends, because each friendship provides a different kind of support.
There's the friend I always call when I'm having the worst day ever because I know she gets it, won't judge me, and will tell me a funny story about how awful her own kids are being to make me feel better. There's the mom whose friendship has become even more precious because our husbands and children love each other as much as we do, making impromptu pizza nights easy and awesome. And there's the friend who radiates so much positivity about her family that it inspires me to cherish my own more - even on days when I'm ready to sell them all to the highest bidder (or really any bidder at all).
Unfortunately, not all my mom friendships have been as magical. There have also been ones that I invested time and energy into that just never clicked, ones where I felt a weird sense of unhealthy competitiveness, and ones where I realized that a premotherhood friend's crazy antics weren't that entertaining anymore. And those friends? Well, it was time to say see ya' later (or not).
If you have a friend who falls into one of the categories below, it's time to, at the least, reevaluate your friendship and, more likely, cut your relationship off.
The Judger
This friend has something to say about everything you do, making subtle jabs or offering direct insults every time you see her. Her 1-year-old daughter's already speaking in complete sentences, but she's sure yours will just be fine, eventually, but if not, she has the number for a great speech therapist. She would never allow her kids to eat in the car, wear seasonally inappropriate clothing outside the house, or skip a day of school for a vacation, but "that's just her." While you know her perfect house, immaculately dressed children, and dreamy relationship with her spouse are probably half lies and half compensating for the deep sadness in her soul, you don't need that judge-y bullsh*t. Time to move on.
The Taker
She's always up for a playdate (at your house), for a girl's night out (she called your favorite sitter first), and for signing up your kids for a class together (you'll register and pay for hers, right? She'll get you back, if she remembers this time), and you're getting sick of feeling like you're parenting your kids and hers, too. Let's call this mom the "taker" because your friendship is all about what she can get out of you. Next time she calls to ask if her kid can come over for a four-hour play date while she gets a massage, just say "no."
The Flaker
Life is busy, kids' schedules are crazy, and sh*t happens. We get it. But when you literally put a question mark by every plan you make with her, knowing that the odds of it actually happening are slim to none, what's the point? Moms have so little time to invest in friendships, and if this flake can't ever follow through, it's time to move your energy to a mom friend who will.
8 Reasons Every Parent Needs to See Eighth Grade With Their Tweens and Teens
It's pretty rare to find a movie that will genuinely entertain both kids and parents alike. Sure, most moms and dads love the latest heartfelt Disney flick as much as the next kid, but finding a serious, nonanimated film that both parties can relate to? That's an entirely different story altogether.
But Bo Burnham's superbuzzy first feature film debut is the exception to the rule. Eighth Grade, a dramedy that follows Kayla Day (Elsie Fisher) through her last week of eighth grade, hits on everything from how hard it is to make friends to what it's like raising a daughter as a single father. Pair that story arc with a memorable soundtrack and characters you just want to hug, and you have a recipe for success.
The movie, which first appeared at the Sundance Film Festival, kicks off by introducing viewers to 13-year-old Kayla Day through a deadpan camera angle. From there, we get a bird's eye view of a week in the life of a quiet girl with big dreams for her high school career.
And although you may initially think a teen's crush on the popular kid at school or her love-hate relationship with her dad is nothing to write home about, Eighth Grade puts a refreshing and relatable spin on the challenges anyone who's survived puberty has experienced - and that your tween will soon go through themselves.
Eighth Grade hits limited theaters on July 13 in the US, and full-disclosure: you're probably going to want to look into buying tickets beforehand. And if you still need a few more reasons to see one of A24's latest projects (the company that brought you Moonlight and Lady Bird!), take a peek at the highlights below.
1. Your kids will be able to see themselves in Kayla, regardless of their gender.
From the outside, Kayla Day is just your average eighth grader who's trying to get through another day, but kids will be able to totally relate to her wavering self-confidence and her determination to stand out for all the right reasons. Parents will love her challenging journey toward self-improvement: she's desperate to shake her shy reputation and really pushes herself out of her comfort zone in an effort to make more friends. The bottom line is that Kayla's social struggles are universal to the teenage experience - and that makes her an especially captivating character.
2. It will transport you back to your most self-conscious teenage moments - and that's OK.
From the opening credits, viewers are immediately bombarded with an awkward monologue that screams "teenager." But oddly enough, there's something poetic about the hundreds of times Kayla utters "like" to get her point across. And anyone who's ever struggled to make friends will identify with her bashful attempts to chat with the popular girls at school, often to no avail. Will you cringe as a parent during these moments? Yes. But your kid will definitely feel less alone watching Kayla regularly navigate social settings she feels less-than-comfortable in, something they're likely familiar with.
3. You see just how much kids rely on their phones, and frankly, it's a little scary to witness, but valuable in understanding your own child's tech habits.
One of the biggest themes of the movie was just how much time every single character spent on their phone. In fact, it was rare to see Kayla without her phone in her hands. Whether Kayla was texting, listening to music during dinner, or scrolling through her Instagram feed, the movie alarmingly illustrated how most tweens use their phones as crutches in uncomfortable social situations and how much they're missing out on in the process. What's more? We also witness firsthand all of the issues courtesy of growing up the digital age, like underage kids sending naked photos to each other - bringing up topics you can address with your kids using the film as a reference.
4. It normalizes that fact that every person on earth has body image issues at some point.
Kayla's insecurities about her own body ripple through the movie, but painting a candid picture of them makes the film refreshing. Like most girls her age, Kayla is experimenting with makeup and isn't exactly jumping for joy when she has to sport a bathing suit at a pool party. But who can blame her? We've all been there, and unfortunately, your tweens might be starting to feel a similar way due to societal pressures to look a certain way.
5. The soundtrack is amazing and totally adds to the movie-watching experience.
Getting a hard blast of EDM music in the first few minutes will definitely catch you off guard, but as the movie goes on, the soundtrack proves totally fitting. Remember what it was like laying eyes on your middle school crush in the hallway? You're going to wish this spot-on soundtrack was around to play in your head during those very moments.
6. It will make you realize just how intense active shooter drills have become for our kids' generation.
Eighth Grade strives to give the audience an accurate depiction of what it's like to be a teen in the US, and in this day in age, that includes disturbingly lifelike active shooter drills. If you haven't experienced one of these simulations firsthand, you'll definitely be taken aback at how true-to-life they are - from a man entering the building dressed in all black and with an automatic weapon in hand to the fake blood.
7. Parents with older kids will completely relate to Josh Hamilton's character.
Kayla's dad, Mark (Josh Hamilton), and his portrayal of a single dad struggling to understand his tween daughter will resonate with anyone who's dealt with teenagers. Throughout the film, you'll see Mark trying to connect with Kayla over meals and in car rides, but like many girls her age, Kayla is generally agitated by any and all words her father utters. Mark and Kayla's relationship is hilariously honest and shows how important it is for parents to try to reach out to their kids when it seems like they've totally shut down. After all, teenagers tend to open up at the most unlikely times.
8. There's a near-sexual encounter that will make your stomach sink but will open up the line of communication between you and your tween to talk about sex.
Sure, budding romantic relationships are an important part of teenage development. But unfortunately, sometimes so is peer pressure that may or may not involve the back of an older kid's car. If you've ever been in a similar situation or, God forbid, your own kid has, you won't be able to stop cringing until the scene is over. Although it's painful to watch, there are takeaways for both kids and parents alike (check out our handy guide to talking about sex with your kid at any age if you want to prep before seeing the film together).
Help! My Kids Won't Stop "Phubbing" Me and I Seriously Can't Stand It
It's seriously one of the most annoying things on the planet: you're trying to have a serious conversation with one of your kids and they don't make eye contact with you once. Why? Because their eyeballs are literally glued to their phones. And while you may want to snatch your tween's iPhone right out of their hands then and there, Dr. Frank J. Sileo, PhD, a licensed psychologist and children's book author based in Ridgewood, NJ, has some answers to our burning questions about this new - and annoying! - phenomenon that will help to save your sanity.
How common is phubbing?
"Phubbing spans all generations," Dr. Sileo told POPSUGAR. "It seems like everyone is engaging in phubbing more and more. If you pass any school, take a look at the students - most of them are on their phones texting or checking social media."
And while new types of handheld technology have made our lives so much easier, growing up with the world at your fingertips certainly has its pitfalls for younger generations. "Teens are heavily reliant on their digital devices. According to the website stopphubbing.com, it's estimated that 87 percent of teens would rather communicate via text than face to face. I have had patients tell me that they text their friends even though they are sitting next to them or are in the same car."
Why is phubbing so problematic?
"Phubbing is a learned behavior and is seen as the norm for teenagers. Phones have become their lifelines and their social connectedness," he said, adding, "Teens exhibit a high degree of 'fear of missing out.' It's problematic because it can eventually lead to declines in important relationships later in life."
What's more, kids who develop the habit will have a lot more to lose in the politeness category, which can be an especially negative trait once they go off on their own.
"One of the first things parents need to do to combat phubbing is to take a look at their own behavior."
"They come across as less polite, inattentive, and distracted. When we are focused on our phones, we are not looking at people and not reading their facial expressions. Kids need to learn social skills, the importance of eye contact, and the nuances of facial expressions. Non-verbal behavior can be more powerful than words."
Can phubbing actually be detrimental to your child's well-being?
The short answer? Yes, especially in terms of their mental health. "Anxiety and smartphone use seem to often go hand in hand, according to research completed at The California State University. Light users didn't show increasing anxiety without their phones. Moderate users began showing signs of increased anxiety after 25 minutes without their phones. Heavy users showed increased anxiety after just 10 phone-free minutes," explained Dr. Sileo. "The study found that younger generations are more likely to feel anxious if they can't check their texts, social media, and other mobile technology regularly."
Additionally, cell phones can quickly become a crutch for those who are uncomfortable in social settings. "It can serve as a security blanket for teens," he said. "They use the phone as a distraction and it can also be used to avoid feelings of being socially neglected or ostracized. Some kids may phub not to be rude, but to escape feelings of loneliness and rejection."
What can I do to stop my kid from phubbing?
"One of the first things parents need to do to combat phubbing is to take a look at their own behavior," said Sileo. "We are our children's role models. Ask yourself: do I find myself on the phone or computer and tell others around me that I'm multi-tasking? Are you consistently saying, 'I just have to take this call or email from work?'"
He goes on to explain that if you don't model appropriate behavior and set boundaries as parents, you really can't expect your children to follow suit.
"When you do make excuses, you are modeling phubbing and creating a double standard," he said. "You aren't multi-tasking, you are acting rude and distracted. If one person in the family is allowed to use their phone, this opens the door for others to do the same. If not addressed, kids will think it's socially acceptable. There's a rippling effect."
Because of this, Dr. Sileo encourages parents to set boundaries when it comes to using digital devices. "You can have a 'no device' policy at dinner or other important times. You can collect digital devices at the end of the day to be returned after the morning routine is completed. Kids need boundaries in many areas of their lives, as they help with social relationships, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and providing a sense of security."
I Don't Enjoy Every Second of Motherhood - and Honestly, I Feel Sh*tty About It
Thanks to social media, we all get to see the Pinterest-worthy mother in our feed on a daily basis. She's the mother with the perfectly matched outfits for her children. She's the mother that's always smiling and laughing. She's the mother who always has a clean house. She's the mother who bakes a million cupcakes after a full day's work and happily decorates them until 1 a.m. She's the mother who thrives during tantrums, spit-ups, and sibling fights. She is not me.
While we all know that social media only showcases people's best moments, I know that these mothers are real. I've seen them in person and have heard them talking at school functions - smiling and soaking up chaotic mornings, gushing about how sleepless nights mean they just get to spend more time with their baby, and never having a public meltdown even when their child runs away from them in the middle of a busy parking lot. They have it all under control, and they love every chaotic, hard, heartbreaking, and tiring moment. As much as I envy them, I just don't get it. How could they enjoy every second of motherhood? Don't get me wrong - I love being a mom more than anything, but there are moments when I want to scream.
How can some mothers enjoy every second of motherhood? Don't get me wrong - I love being a mom more than anything, but there are moments when I want to scream.
You know the moms I'm talking about - the ones that are so in love with motherhood at all times while me (and most other mothers I know) swear under our breath before getting the kids into the car in the morning. We leave the house without brushing our own teeth - let alone our kids'. Our cars look like garbage dumps with processed food wrappers serving as the floor. In other words, we're sometimes a bit of a mess. Although we all love motherhood, we don't seem to revel in every aspect of it like they do.
How do they do it? Really. I want to know. Being a mother didn't come naturally to me at first, but the joy it brings me goes unmatched. When my children were babies, I loved being woken up in the morning by listening to their coos through the monitor. I adored watching all of their firsts, too. But there is so much of it that is not beautiful. But for the perfectly content mothers, everything is.
It makes me feel less than. No, I shouldn't compare. No one should. All mothers are badass superheroes, but sometimes we can't help it. When I see a mother happily reprimand her child (and her child promptly listen to her in response), I just think, "What the hell am I doing wrong?"
To all you blissful mothers out there, keep doing your thing, but maybe throw in the occasional F-bomb? Maybe don't brush your hair one day? Maybe give me that comforting "I've been there" look instead of a pity smile? Because then that way, the rest of us - the moms who don't or can't hide the rough sides of parenting - will feel more like we're in this together instead of like we're falling behind.
Editor's Note: This piece was written by a POPSUGAR contributor and does not necessarily reflect the views of POPSUGAR Inc. Interested in joining our POPSUGAR Voices network of contributors from around the globe? Click here.
31 Musical Baby Names That Will Add a Whole Lot of Rhythm to Your Life
Music is an incredibly powerful thing. It can make you feel blissfully happy, help you through a dark time, or inspire you to run just one more mile. You also probably know of a song or two that holds a special place in your heart - music is the soundtrack of our lives, after all. So why not take some of that rhythm and put it into a baby name? From the most epic performers of all time to musical instruments, the possibilities really are endless. Keep reading for 31 musical baby name ideas that will make you want to do a happy dance.
- Lyric
- Aretha
- Joni
- Cadence
- Bari
- Calliope
- Zeppelin
- Reed
- Dolly
- Nashville
- Banjo
- Allemande
- Aria
- Adele
- Piper
- Harper
- Clef
- Harmony
- Clarinet
- Jazz
- Opus
- Hendrix
- Presley
- Lennon
- Wolfgang
- Elton
- Joplin
- Ludwig
- Armstrong
- Ellington
- Coltrane
This Is What Eating Fast Food Means For Your Fertility
Although doctors have known that obesity and smoking can negatively affect a woman's chance of getting pregnant, researchers recently discovered that diet, especially the amount of fast food a woman consumes, may also be a factor. A recent study published in the journal Human Reproduction attempted to measure how big of a factor diet is for women who are actively trying to conceive.
Scientists analyzed the diets of 5,598 pregnant women from Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, and the United Kingdom. Each participant, who was between 14 and 16 weeks gestation, was asked to describe to a research midwife what they ate during the month leading up to conception. The midwife also took into account which women used fertility treatments to get pregnant.
Researchers asked each woman how many servings of fruit, green leafy vegetables, fish, and fast food (burgers, fried chicken, pizza, and french fries) they had during that one-month span and saw a correlation between the amount of fast food consumed and infertility rates.
Researchers found that women who ate fast food four or more times a week took almost a month longer on average to become pregnant compared to those who ate fast food less frequently. What's more? Subjects who ate three or more servings of fruit per week were likely to conceive in a shorter amount of time, whereas women who didn't average a serving of fruit each week saw a month-and-a-half delay.
Overall, women who ate the least amount of fruit increased their rate of infertility from eight to 12 percent, and those who ingested fast food four-plus times per week saw an increase from eight to 16 percent. Yikes!
"We recommend that women who want to become pregnant should align their dietary intakes towards national dietary recommendations for pregnancy," first study author Jessica Grieger said. "Our data shows that frequent consumption of fast foods delays time to pregnancy."
And believe it or not, the amount of leafy green veggies women consumed didn't appear to have any effect on fertility.
Grieger also thinks there's a tiny bit of wiggle room in their findings since the chances of women underreporting how much fast food they ate during 30 days is likely.
"For any dietary intake assessment, one needs to use some caution regarding whether participant recall is an accurate reflection of dietary intake," Grieger explained. "However, given that many women do not change their diet from pre-pregnancy to during pregnancy, we believe that the women's recall of their diet one month prior to pregnancy is likely to be reasonably accurate."
Why This Photo of a Little Girl Standing on a Toilet Will Keep You Up at Night
"I took this picture because initially I thought it was funny." That's how Michigan mom Stacey Wehrman Feeley began a Facebook post, centered on an image of her young daughter standing on their bathroom toilet.
But the instant her child told her what she was actually doing, Feeley broke down in tears.
"She was practicing for a lockdown drill at her preschool and what you should do if you are stuck in a bathroom," she wrote. "At that moment, all innocence of what I thought my three-year-old possessed was gone."
Feeley decided to post the powerful image with an accompanying message begging for more gun control and changes to the nation's current laws. It has more than 7,000 reactions and has been shared more than 10,000 times since she posted it last week.
Below, read an excerpt from her post, and click the image above to see it in its entirety:
Politicians - take a look. This is your child, your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren and future generations to come. They will live their lives and grow up in this world based on your decisions. They are barely 3 and they will hide in bathroom stalls standing on top of toilet seats. I do not know what will be harder for them? Trying to remain quiet for an extended amount of time or trying to keep their balance without letting a foot slip below the stall door?
Staying Sane During Deployment: A Military's Wife's How-To List
My husband got deployed to the Middle East shortly after our daughter was born. When he was gone, I didn't really know what to do or how to act. It was hard living like a single mom, and while a lot of people in my life offered to help (family members even offered to move in with me), I ended up slightly pushing them away. I wasn't trying to be a jerk - I just knew it was very important for me to be self-reliant, because they weren't going to be able to be there all the time. I missed my husband and worried about him endlessly when he was gone, but I needed to find happiness and figure out how to enjoy life when wasn't there. Keep reading for some helpful tips that helped me keep my sanity (and my life) together while my husband was deployed.
Having 3 Kids: a List of Pros and Cons
I love my one and only brother, but a part of me always wished that I came from a three-kid family. My parents had one of each, and our family felt standard and typical (but lovely, of course). At after school hangouts and sleepovers, I studied my friends' three-kid families like I was doing anthropological research. It was as if the volume in our house was on a five and theirs was turned up to a nine or 10, and I don't just mean the noise. There were more snacks, toys, and backpacks on the coat rack, and more opinions, conversations, and personalities at the dinner table. I fantasized about the excitement of an entire other personality. Would the other child be more like me or my brother? Would one more kid give us the loud, bustling atmosphere of my dreams?
Three is actually the most stressful number of kids to have, according to a poll conducted by the Today show. Three is more stressful than one or two, and four (or more) is reportedly less stressful than three! My husband entered our marriage with one kid under his belt, and then we had two more, so I got the family of three I always dreamed of. Being a mother of three is similar to the parenting roller coaster we're all strapped into, but there are twists and turns unique to the amount of kids we're raising. If you're thinking about adding to your even number, here is a list of pros and cons about having three kids.
Pros
- Hand-me-down clothes and toys. Apart from the cost effectiveness of this, there is also the heart-squeezing joy of seeing each baby wear the clothes and play with the things the previous child owned.
- There's always a tie-breaker. Oh, can your kids not decide between two titles for movie night? Good thing you had a third kid.
- More hands on deck. Sunday chores go faster when you can delegate. The oldest can hold the baby in a pinch. It's kind of like having a few assistants, to be honest.
- Built-in friends. Big mom win: you don't have to invite someone over for a playdate to keep your kids occupied. They also spend so many valuable years being a friend at home that they carry it over into their relationships at school.
- A wide safety net. I'm a famously morbid person, but I'd be remiss if I didn't say that there'd be more family around when we eventually drop dead. This is also something I've reminded our kids: you have to take care of each other now and then.
Cons
- You can't just order one pizza. Pizza is a minimum two slices per person event, and two times five equals ten. A pizza has eight slices. One pie isn't enough, and two pies is too many. It's math.
- You can't give anyone a ride. We live in Brooklyn, where everyone we know lives relatively close to us, but once I had to drive some of the kids to a soccer game while my husband walked alongside the car with the other kid and his friend. Now we have a mini van.
- Constant triage. The baby is crying because all his teeth are coming in at once, the oldest is melting down over a complicated homework problem, and the middle one just wants to play a board game together. Your life is a near-constant exercise in determining degrees of urgency, and the non-medical, non-life-threatening needs often get ignored, which can be heartbreaking and terrible.
- You're outnumbered. Whether you have a partner or are doing it on your own, there are always more kids than you can carry. This is particularly terrifying in airports, subways, movie theaters, shoe stores, playgrounds, and anywhere outside your own home.
- Someone is always aged out of something. Finding and agreeing on an activity for three kids of varying ages will eventually mean that someone is too old for a play space, someone isn't tall enough for a ride, and/or someone isn't developmentally ready for a movie in a theater. The good news is that this won't last forever.
Want to Raise a Hard-Working Child? Do These 6 Things
One of the goals as a parent is to watch your child accomplish many wonderful things. My son is only 3, but I can already sense that this overwhelming pride I have for him will be present for the rest of my life. Besides being kind, I want him to find something in his life that he feels passionate about. As a teacher, I've seen that passion can facilitate hard work, but raising a hard-working child is about more than that.
A child who is hard-working has the tools they need to put in the kind of work that helps them be successful. A hard-working kid understands that things don't come easily or get handed to them. In truth, as a teacher, I would always rather have a classroom filled with hard-working students than geniuses. People can learn the things they need to do well in the world, but appreciating hard work is more difficult to teach. Getting kids to the point where they appreciate putting in a little elbow grease and a willingness to roll up their sleeves requires constant commitment to these six basic tenants.
- Recognize and encourage resiliency. The act of being resilient is so important for children because it teaches them that it's OK to fail. A lot of my former students see failure as the worst thing possible. Once they made a mistake, it was all I could do to get them to try again. By teaching our own children to be resilient, we're letting them know that part of success is failure, and that part of being hard-working is the willingness to try again.
- Acknowledge that they may do things differently than you. This might be the most important and difficult thing for parents to master. When trying to teach children to be hard-working, let them explore and figure out their own methods and strategies. When I'm in a class, I like to take Cornell notes. This works for me, and I show my students how it works, but it's not for everyone. Each of my students needs to figure out their own method because only then will they feel comfortable putting in the work.
- Be proud of their accomplishments, but also remind them of the hard work it took to get there. Every parent loves being proud of their kid. What's harder to manage is that children should be reminded of the steps they took to reach that accomplishment. Yes, it's amazing that your kid scored the game-winning goal, but that didn't happen out of nowhere. Practice, teamwork, listening to coaches, and skill helped them.
- Let them explore different worlds. Hard work looks different to everybody. I had many students who felt totally lost with reading Shakespeare, and if I had just assumed that they weren't going to excel in my subject, I would have never seen how amazing they were as writers and poets. Hard work looks different in various subjects and aspects of life. Let kids find what makes them excited and energetic.
- Don't diminish their effort. My 3-year-old son loves to help clean up. Is he good at it? No, but that's not the point. I would rather have a chore take three times as long because I've allowed my son to make a mess while trying to clean than to discourage his effort.
- Be an example of a hard-working adult. Children are parrots who see adults as examples of how they should live their life. If we come home and spend an entire evening complaining about our jobs and binge-watching mindless shows, they'll internalize that negativity toward hard work. Be positive and let them see all that you do for the house, your family, your fitness, and your job.
My Secret to a Great Marriage? Travel Without Your Kids
Marriage advice. I don't like people dishing it out. No relationship is like the other, so how could advice be applicable to everyone? But I'm going to break my own rule and say something more couples need to hear: you and your partner should go away every year without your kids. It may sound like an obvious suggestion, but you'd be surprised how many couples have never been away from their kids . . . like, ever. Constantly being together isn't healthy for anyone, including your kids. Here are my top five reasons traveling with only your partner is often the difference between a mundane marriage and an "I want what that couple has" marriage.
1. Sex.
The difference between a partner and a friend is this. And if there's one area of marriage that tends to suffer the most after kids, it's sex. Whether it's because of postpartum body changes, mind-numbing exhaustion, hormone changes resulting in less drive, or babies and toddlers in your bed, sex becomes, well, a little less sexy. But you know what can really help solve this? A hotel room, a tropical climate backdrop, and the notion that the only thing on the agenda for the next few days is drinking wine, eating decadent food, talking without interruption, and having nobody else to tend to (read: no vomit to clean). It's amazing how easy it is to slip back into the mindset of, "Oh my God, I'm actually attracted to my partner," because the daily grind can easily blur that.
2. Conversations that don't focus on your kids.
You occasionally sneak in snippets of your days to each other in between bedtime routines and couch pow-wows while watching Netflix, but you've really only scratched the surface (if you were listening that intently to begin with). Going out for date nights is a good start, but, in my opinion, it takes a few days away to properly remember that you two are people outside of kids. When my husband and I go away, we talk about the kids constantly for the first 36 hours, and then all of a sudden, we forget. And it's glorious. The health of the family is only as strong as the parental unit, no matter what that looks like, and when my husband and I aren't having meaningful conversations that don't involve our kids, I find that our overall family health suffers.
3. Exploring new things.
Remember when you first met and everything was exciting? And everything they said was funny, witty, and clever? Tack on a few years of marriage, general life stress, and a bunch of kids, and that excitement dissipates. When you travel to a new place with only your partner, suddenly everything (even mundane activities) becomes just a touch more exciting. And yes, it's fun to travel as a family and explore, which you should do often, but it's really fun to explore with only your partner. You might even remember why you married them in the first place or, at the very least, laugh (even if only occasionally) at their jokes again.
4. Your kids are better for it.
I realize that to even have the opportunity to get away for a week or a few days with only your partner requires a certain village of love surrounding you. But I'm willing to bet your parents, siblings, close friends, nanny, in-laws, etc. have a vested interest in the health of your marriage. People who love you want to help, and I don't know many grandparents who aren't clamoring for more undivided grandchild time. My mom says she now understands the reason for having kids is "to get to the grandkids" (thanks, Mom). But in all seriousness, you leaving your kids for a few days and having them live their best life with other people who love and care for them is a great experience for them as well.
5. Travel is good for the soul.
When we stay in our own bubbles, it's easy to forget there's a whole world out there full of different people, different perspectives, and beautiful ideas worth seeing and knowing about. When you travel and can be fully present without a bunch of kids tugging on your leg, you allow yourself the capacity to invite new experiences into your life, which you then take back home.
So, there you have it. The only marriage advice I will ever dish out. Every time my husband and I get away together without our kids, we come back appreciative, grateful, reenergized, and excited to reenter our blissful chaos with our kids. We make a point to get away for at least four days every year, just us. We don't have a perfect marriage, but I dare say we have a really great one. And I definitely think it's because we prioritize and value our time just as much as family time.
I Refuse to Apologize For Bottle Feeding My Baby
I had every intention on breastfeeding when I was pregnant with my first child. But here I am, two kids later, and I don't feel bad (and won't apologize) for bottle feeding both of them. Sometimes breastfeeding just doesn't work out for some mothers. There are so many reasons, some by choice and some not, so I've never been one to judge another mother when I see her bottle feeding her baby. I didn't tolerate anyone judging me, either.
When I did try to breastfeed my first child, it went south . . . fast. I was bullied into a C-section by my assh*le obstetrician and was pumped with so many drugs that I needed help holding my own baby. So, when it came time to try breastfeeding for the first time, the nurse held my firstborn to my boob. It was not the romantic picture I had signed up for. From that moment on, I failed at nursing. My nipples cracked, bled, and became engorged. Pumping didn't help. I got mastitis more times than I could count those first few weeks. My son developed reflux, and we both cried, sometimes all day long.
No matter what anyone told me, I felt like a failure. The bombardment of guilt crushed me as a new mother.
I felt so much damn guilt for not being able to breastfeed that the baby blues took over what should have been the happiest time of my life. I told myself I couldn't give my baby the proper nutrients he needed, and I beat myself up over it so badly. No matter what anyone told me, I felt like a failure. The bombardment of guilt crushed me as a new mother. I was not the carefree, natural parent I had envisioned myself to be.
Then one day, something magical happened. When my firstborn was inconsolable, I paced the entire house wondering how to calm him. We sat in his glider in his nursery, my greasy hair in a bun on the top of my head, and I gently patted him on the back - finally, he fell asleep. As we rocked together, I began to cry, but this time peace swept over me. I decided in that moment that I was going to quit breastfeeding. Neither he nor I could take it anymore. I owed it to him to try something else.
It was the smartest decision I could have made. Up until that point, I hadn't enjoyed him at all, but after my boobs became mine again, I jumped into motherhood like a badass. My son became one those easygoing babies in no time - one that slept like a champ and belly-laughed for strangers. He no longer felt the stress of his mother, and the clouds finally parted on our days together.
When our second child was born and the nurse tried to get me to breastfeed, I politely declined and said, "I'm going to bottle feed." And you know what? She didn't judge me. No one did (at least, not to my face). You never know what journey a woman has been on when it comes to breastfeeding, and you should trust that she knows what's best for her family, her baby, and her sanity. Instead of judging, you should applaud her for not choosing guilt to swallow her happiness as a new mother.
There's no denying the benefits of breast milk for your baby, but not all mothers can do it. Formula moms, know that it's OK. Your baby is going to be OK. You're going to be OK. Forgiving myself was the best gift I ever gave my son. I fell in love with him, and with us. I finally became the mom I envisioned. It was tough, but it was right. So, no, I won't apologize for bottle feeding my kids. I chose to be a happy mother for them, and that's good enough.
11 Reasons You NEED to Go to Disneyland If You've Only Ever Been to Disney World
Growing up a Florida girl, I always thought of Disneyland as a smaller version of Walt Disney World that was missing EPCOT and the Animal Kingdom. But I recently had to totally eat my words when I experienced the magic of Disneyland with my family for the very first time. California locals have always argued that Disneyland is better than Walt Disney World. While I don't think I can make that kind of proclamation, I was blown away by the rides, how easy it was to get around, and the unique touches you'll only find in SoCal. Oh, and they have Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission Breakout, which is worth a few hundred points in my book (sorry, Florida). If you've ever thought about going to Disneyland but have always ended up back at Disney World, here are 11 reasons you absolutely have to experience it at least once.
My Son Isn't Misbehaving - He Has a Sensory Processing Disorder
You know those kids who playfully splash their hands in the water table at the children's museum? They fill up the cups to pour them out again, making soft waves in the water while playing in their own personal space. That is not my kid. My kid is the one who runs up to the table with a big smile on his face as he slaps his hands and pounds his fists on the surface of the water. He picks up that tiny cup, holds it high above his head, puckers his lips to make the noises of a jet airplane, and nose-dives it, spilling water everywhere. To you, he looks like a misbehaved child, but what you don't know is that he has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).
When Camden was born, my husband and I had so many dreams for him already; he would be smart, kind, compassionate, polite, chivalrous, and active - pretty much perfect. We were your typical first-time parents, in awe of our sweet boy and every new milestone he achieved. When he started crawling at 6 months old and then walking at 9 months, we realized we were in for it. He was on the move, and he hasn't stopped since.
Can you imagine what life must be like for him? Like someone or something else took control of your body?
Camden is an active 3-year-old who loves to dance and jump like most toddlers his age, but after just a few minutes, he's so wired that he'll run in endless circles, ninja-kick the air, and throw himself on the couch imitating silly sounds - something that's nearly impossible to bring him back down from. He struggles with temper tantrums, and I'm not talking about your typical screaming match that can end with an easy bribe. No, these temper tantrums are on another level. Anything could send him over the edge: his hair being combed, his shoes being put on, and even the wrong-colored breakfast plate. He has to choose his own waffle every morning, otherwise he'll melt into a tearful puddle on the kitchen floor. The control he needs is unbearable at times, but control over the simplest things, like his breakfast waffle, is the only thing about his body that he actually can control.
It wasn't until he started preschool that we realized our energetic boy was a little different from the other kids. The first time Camden's teacher mentioned he had a hard time sitting still during circle time, I thought it was just typical toddler behavior. She then mentioned he frequently bumped into other kids (not out of aggression), needed more direct one-on-one cues to complete a task, and also needed to be physically touched and stroked on the back before he fell asleep for naptime. These were just a few of the moments that pulled at my mother's intuition.
The school director then called me in to have a meeting about Camden's behavior. There we were, his two classroom teachers, the director, and myself all sitting at a kiddie table when they asked if I had heard of Sensory Processing Disorder. I went home and googled things until I fell asleep. It was like we had found the missing piece of the puzzle that is Camden. We learned that SPD deals with the nervous system and is like a traffic jam in the brain. When the brain tries to communicate messages to the body about things like sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, the child has trouble organizing all of that information into its correct responses and instead reacts inappropriately. In other words, the software and hardware are all there, but they sometimes don't work together and cause "glitches."
There are several types of SPD. Some children can be sensory-seekers, others are sensory-avoiders, and some are both a sensory-seeker and a sensory-avoider. If we must label Camden, he is considered a sensory-seeker. He craves deep touch and fast movement and is always running, jumping, and hopping. He seeks out deep pressure to his muscles, tendons, and joints, which is why you'll find him crashing into a ball pit at the indoor playground or smacking himself into the padded walls of the jungle gym. Cuddling, hugging, and squeezing helps him feel more organized and focused.
Can you imagine what life must be like for him? Like someone or something else took control of your body? His sensory threshold is so high that he's constantly looking for some kind of physical input to help him feel grounded and calm. And although he may look calm sometimes, it doesn't mean that his body is. He's almost always in a constant state of high arousal.
Camden is a little different, but being different is OK. The diagnosis does not define who he is.
He's been in therapy for three months now, and my husband and I are finally getting a grip on SPD and what that looks like for Camden. Daily tasks like getting dressed and brushing his teeth are big accomplishments for him. We try to be as patient as possible, but some days we yell, some days we cry, some days we're mentally exhausted, and some days we feel like the worst parents in the world. To help calm and organize his sensory system, we focus on heavy work activities around the house, like wheelbarrow walks, frog jumps, and bear crawls. We give him resistant hand games like silly putty and Play-Doh and play tug-of-war every night. We do push-ups and yoga poses with him and use an exercise ball to help strengthen his upper body and increase his body awareness. With all of the physical activity we do in our house, you'd think we were training a future professional football player.
We have to get his therapy just right - it's called a sensory diet (no, it doesn't involve food) - otherwise it will send him into a sensory overload. One week he became so overstimulated from all the different sensory work during his therapy session that it sent his body into a major frenzy even before we left the gym. His eyes glossed over and he was running around the lobby bumping and crashing into chairs. It took him the entire day to snap out of it. That same week, we went to Target and he had a full-blown meltdown at the door. You know it and you've seen it. The one where you see the mother and say, "That kid is crazy, can't she control her kid?" The answer is no, I couldn't control him. I didn't stand a chance.
We feel somewhat satisfied knowing that we aren't bad parents who just didn't discipline well, but instead finally have a reason for his behaviors and have a plan. Before I understood what SPD was, I was always making excuses for my son's behavior. He may look like an out of control little boy to you, but he's trying his best to give his body what it's asking for. What you don't see are those quiet, gentle moments at bedtime when he snuggles up close to me and says, "I love you, Mommy." You don't see the way he softly pats his baby brother's head and says, "Aww," as he bends down and gives him a kiss. And you don't see the way he runs at full speed into his dad's arms each night yelling, "Daddy!" as he walks through the door from a long day at work.
Camden is a bright, intelligent, and compassionate little boy - a little boy we finally understand in a way we never did before. SPD isn't a disease, it isn't a learning disability, and it won't affect his development. He'll grow up and may never even remember this time of his life. But I hope the next time you see another child having a public meltdown or crying hysterically because their foot accidentally touched the sand or playing too aggressively at the museum's water table, consider that maybe they're not just misbehaving, but rather dealing with an invisible disorder. Camden is a little different, but being different is OK. The diagnosis does not define who he is. We're on this new journey together, and we're now seeing the world with new eyes.
Thinking of Hiring a Night Nurse? Here's Everything You Need to Know
From the moment you find out you're pregnant, your life becomes a whirlwind of changes. Most of these are happy changes, like planning for the future and welcoming your baby into the world, while other changes are a little bit more scary, like actually taking care of said baby.
While you probably planned ahead by reading books and prepping the nursery, there are so many things you just can't prepare for until they actually happen. It's a deliriously magical time, but one thing all new mothers (and mothers in general) know too well is sleepless nights. Being tired can affect your mood, productivity, health, and so much more, which is why night nurses are a great option for new moms who want some extra help. But what exactly do they do, and how do you know if you need one? Keep reading for all the information you need before you hire a night nurse.
1. What Exactly Is a Night Nurse?
A night nurse as a person who comes into your home to help care for your new baby in the middle of the night so you can get some much-needed rest. "This person helps new parents adjust to life with an infant by assisting in things like breastfeeding schedules, helping with any insecurities the parents might have, and establishing healthy routines for the new family," Alexandra Block, RN at Sutter Health in San Francisco, told POPSUGAR, adding that, in many cases, a night nurse will establish care with the family before the delivery and continue their care after the baby is born. Night nurses are particularly recommended for multiples like twins to give parents extra hands.
It's also worth nothing that hiring a night nurse can also be a crash course in raising a baby. They're often trained in child care, and their knowledge can help new parents learn things firsthand. This educational period can be highly beneficial for all involved.
2. How Do You Find One?
There are many agencies that offer night nurses, like Care.com, NannyPoppinz.com, Night Nannies, and Ellie Blu Agency, but talk to your doctor for recommendations first. They know your specifics and might be able to guide you in the right direction. Also, utilize your mommy groups and ask the ladies in your pregnancy yoga or Lamaze classes. Calling your insurance company might also provide some additional information on the matter.
3. How Much Do They Cost?
Like anything with child care, it can be costly. Rates can vary depending on needs, number of children, and the amount of experience of the caretaker. An average rounds out to about $200 to $300 per night, though some may charge hourly. The hourly rate usually falls around $15 to $40 per hour.
4. How Long Do You Need Them For?
This all depends on the needs of you and your baby. The average period to have a night nurse is a few weeks to a month, but there are a variety of factors that would cause you to keep one on for a longer period of time, such as illness. You can use them for however long you feel comfortable, but this usually is most useful while breastfeeding is happening and to get the family on track with their new schedules while also promoting positive sleep training.
5. Is There a Downside?
Breastfeeding or nightly skin-to-skin contact with your baby (as infants are very responsive to touch) is an extremely important bonding time. It can be difficult to give some of that up in favor of sleep. But on the flip side, more rest will also allow you to be more present with your baby during the day. And while it's always OK to ask for help, developing a dependency is never ideal. It's important to still be active and learn while you have the expertise of a night nurse with you.
6. How Do You Know If a Night Nurse Is For You?
Having a night nurse is a matter of preference. Everyone's needs, birthing stories, medical histories, and babies vary so much, so it depends on that and the comfort level of the parents. People prioritize different things when it comes to parenthood, and like anything in life, this new role gives people an opportunity to stretch their wings and grow, figuring out what works best for them.
Most importantly, it's important not to judge. If night nurses aren't for you, that's fine, but remember that you don't know another mother's struggles and what they may need medically. To that point, if you need one yourself, don't let the fear of judgment stop you from making the best decision for you and your family.
Articles
