Healthy lifestyle
A healthy lifestyle is one which helps to keep and improve people's health and well-being.Many governments and non-governmental organizations have made big efforts in healthy lifestyle and health promotion.
Mental Health
Mental health can be considered a very important factor of physical health for the effects it produces on bodily functions. This type of health concerns emotional and cognitive well-being or an absence of mental disorder.
Public health
Public health can be defined in a variety of ways. It can be presented as "the study of the physical, psychosocial and socio-cultural determinants of population health and actions to improve the health of the population.
Reproductive Health
For the UN, reproductive health is a right, like other human rights. This recent concept evokes the good transmission of the genetic heritage from one generation to the next.
Health
Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.
mercredi 8 mai 2019
Harry Shum Jr. on His Trailblazing Career and Defying Asian-American Stereotypes on Screen
Image Source: Peter Ash Lee for Panda Express
Harry Shum Jr. is taking Hollywood by storm, one role at a time. The 37-year-old has played a wide range of characters over the years, but what's most noteworthy is how these characters defied stereotypes of Asian-Americans on screen. In 2009, Shum danced his way into our hearts with his role on Glee as Mike Chang, an aspiring dancer who constantly struggled with pursuing his dreams and following the path his father had planned out for him. Not only did the character inspire fans to be comfortable in their own skin, but he also inspired them to go after what they want despite the obstacles they face.
After his character's arc on Glee wrapped up, Shum went on to star in Freeform's Shadowhunters as Magnus Bane, a character who has made an impact on the LGBTQ+ community in particular. While Magnus's relationship with Alec Lightwood is a fan favorite, his character has also redefined what masculinity looks like on screen. Shum has come to the end of his journey on Shadowhunters following its two-hour series finale on May 6, but you can rest assured that he isn't going anywhere anytime soon. After scoring a small part in the critically acclaimed rom-com Crazy Rich Asians last year, his character will likely play a much larger role in the green-lit sequel.
Shum's natural charm and talent are immediately apparent on screen, but it's how genuine and real he is once the cameras stop rolling that really captivates his fans. So, it's no wonder why Panda Express has highlighted the actor as one of their trailblazers for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. Through his partnership with the company's "Asian-American Originals" campaign, we recently had a chance to talk with Shum about everything from his wide-ranging career to how he has defied stereotypes on screen, and how he learned to feel comfortable in his own skin.
POPSUGAR: You were born in Costa Rica to Chinese parents and moved to California when you were about 6 years old. Growing up, how would you say that they inspired you to be your most authentic self or feel comfortable in your own skin?
Harry Shum Jr.: It's been a trip when I think back about it, but I think the idea for my mom and dad, what they always instilled in me is just adaptability. Adapt to wherever you're at, but never forget about your culture. That always stuck with me over my years. Like, growing up, any obstacles that I would face, identity issues, which I think we all have, but we have been dealing with it in different ways, whether it would be our exterior, the way we look or the way we feel and then not being like we fit in. But for that, what was very helpful is to always be mindful of my culture and my heritage, but also adapt, and I think that says a lot to what America and I guess basically our society has really placed on it. To be able to adapt and to feel comfortable and embrace the things that do make us different.
PS: Did you always know that you wanted to get into dancing and acting? What inspired you to get into acting?
HS: Lately, I have been reflecting on why, because I've pinpointed the moments where I said, "Oh, I want to do this," but growing up, I never had that encouragement from my early years until I got into middle school. Middle school is when everything really changed. Elementary school was this phase of like, "I don't know what I'm doing." I think most kids don't know what they're doing. I do envy a lot of kids that are like, "I want to grow up to be this." And then next thing you know they're 20-something and they're still doing it. I think it's amazing. But there's different paths for a lot of people. For me, it was about adapting to this new world that I got thrown into, a new language, new friends.
"Adapt to wherever you're at, but never forget about your culture."
It was middle school when I went to an audition for a drama class, not because I really wanted to act, I didn't really understand the ideas because I didn't have that encouragement from my family members. It was the idea of connection. Something about acting where you can connect with people and draw up stories or draw up emotions in things that you can utilize into a role from your experiences really invigorated something inside of me. For me, dance and acting go hand in hand in that sense because you're expressing yourself in a lot of different ways. Over time, it was just something that I loved to do as a hobby. I never thought I would be able to do it as a career and make something out of it. So, it's been a lot of obstacles through that time, but finally getting here and to be able to embrace this whole new identity has been really, really satisfying.
PS: Many of your roles have defied stereotypes for Asian-Americans on screen. Is that something that you keep in mind when you're auditioning for roles?
HS: Yeah, I do. Outside of what I like and what I want to do - I think that's first the priority, what speaks to me - but after that there is a responsibility, because whatever you like or whatever you want to do can do damage, too. I think more so on the micro level, you have to think, "What is it that this character is trying to portray?" You want to be honest and truthful where you're not trying to backtrack or trying not to showcase certain things because you're blocking this view of people seeing this person as a whole, as a human being with all the flaws that come along with it. So for me, it's making the character whole, and that is my main drive for whatever role I take on. Luckily, these past couple of roles, whether it's Glee or Shadowhunters, I've been able to really inject a lot of these experiences that I've seen or different lenses that I've been exposed to where I can speak to it and try and put the nuances of the character that might not even be in the dialogue.
Harry Shum Jr. as Mike Chang on Glee. Image Source: Everett Collection
PS: Glee was particularly known for pushing boundaries with its storylines. A lot of Mike Chang's arc was about him coming into his own and being comfortable in his own skin even though his father disapproved of his dancing career. What was it like getting to play a character like that? How would you say that being on that show shaped you as an actor?
HS: That show really shaped me in a sense of it was like a boot camp. I got to do all the things that you normally wouldn't get to do on a show, whether it be pushing boundaries and the element of pushing your body, pushing your mind, and pushing your vocal cords. It was a one of a kind show. As an actor, I got to also be around some great actors and great comedic actors, great dramatic actors, some great improv-ers. Being able to be on set and see that happen every single day constantly was just - I couldn't have asked for more. It's better than going to class. You're literally on the ground, running, working it out in a professional manner. That really helped, and it just makes everything that I do a little easier in a sense that you graduated from this boot camp.
I look at that storyline with Mike Chang, and it's special because a lot of people have dealt with it. What's really great was hearing people talk about how that episode really allowed them to talk to their parents or really allowed them to see themselves differently. Their lives were shaped around what they only thought that they could only do from their parent's perspective or the idea of what society has told them they can do. That's why it's so important to have these shows or conversations about how we're more than just Asian-Americans. That's what's great about what Panda Express is doing, it's the whole hyphen in between. The hyphen culture is that we're more than just that one thing. It really showcases how we're more than meets the eye.
Harry Shum Jr. as Magnus Bane on Shadowhunters. Image Source: Freeform
PS: Your Shadowhunters character has meant a lot to fans as well, especially within the LGBTQ+ community. What does it mean to have that kind of impact on fans?
HS: I mean, I couldn't ask for more. I know it originated from the book series, so people had their expectations, and when I got cast, it was like, "Okay, who is this guy who came from a dancing-singing show? What is he going to be able to do with this character?" For me, it's almost the same thing in the sense that there's stereotypes already that have been displayed on television and films. So it was important for me to be like, "Okay, how can I make this character whole?" That was important for us to talk about with the writers and the directors.
For me, I kept trying to push like, "Let's redefine the idea of what masculinity is," especially with the LGBTQ community. I think that was really important, how he can still be very vulnerable but also can whoop ass. That, to me, is what a full human being is, not repressing it, not suppressing it, because that's when damage gets done. I'm very fortunate that the fans have taken a liking to what I've been able to do, but also the character speaks for itself. Because it is just a wonderful character.
PS: In addition to your groundbreaking TV roles, you were recently a part of Crazy Rich Asians, which received critical acclaim not only for its all-Asian cast, but for its incredible story. What did it mean to be a part of that phenomenon, and how do you hope it opens the doors for more Asian-led films/shows in Hollywood?
HS: Being part of any project that has those badges is rare in the sense that you never really know what the outcome will be. Having seen and been part of the change over the years made it more satisfying to see so many three-dimensional characters on screen all play together in a contemporary story. Hollywood tends to follow trends, so I've already seen an uptick in Asian-led films/shows, but I do hope that it's more than a phase but an evolution into the new Hollywood reflecting the real world today.
We're Swooning Over These Sexy Jenna Dewan Moments - and You Will, Too
Sure, Jenna Dewan knows a thing or two about heating up the dance floor, but have you scrolled through her Instagram? From sultry lingerie shots to sun-kissed bikini photos, Jenna's account is overflowing with so many sexy pictures, we're sweating just thinking about them. Keep reading to see what we're talking about!
Brienne Crying Over Jaime Isn't a Betrayal of Her Character - in Fact, It Makes a Lot of Sense
Game of Thrones has become one of the most popular and yet divisive shows on television because of its ability to take well-worn story devices and turn them upside down. For example, consider the long-gestating relationship between Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth.
In the season eight episode titled "The Last of the Starks," the couple take center focus to show how their different views of honor play into their choices for the battle that lies ahead. Their love story is not conventional by any means, but the element that makes their pairing compelling is the same element that ultimately dooms them. On one hand, Brienne is a staunch believer in honor. The term defines her and gives her purpose throughout the show. She is honor-bound to the Starks, and her entire relationship with Jaime hinges on her belief that he is a man of honor - ideally, a man who can evolve beyond the role of an arrogant knight who puts his sister and the glory of House Lannister above all else. Unfortunately, there is a flaw in her belief system: people rarely change simply because you wish it to be true.
Yes, Jaime is a man of his word. We witness that when he arrives alone at Winterfell after the rousing "f*ck loyalty" speech Brienne gives him during the Dragonpit armistice at the end of season seven. During his stay in the North, he rises to Brienne's expectations - asking to serve under her command, acknowledging her service by knighting her, protecting her from wights on the battlefield, and agreeing to stay behind to help her protect Sansa and the people of Winterfell.
But historically, the core of Jaime's honorable intentions stems from his devotion to the Lannisters. He even confesses this to Daenerys and the Northern council upon his arrival at Winterfell: "You want me to apologize. I won't. We were at war. Everything I did, I did for my house and my family. I'd do it all again." After which, Bran follows up with the one Game of Thrones quote that sums up Jaime's entire story arc: "The things we do for love." Of course, Brienne has no way of foreseeing the truth of this moment, but the statement is a reminder to the audience that Jaime's true heart will always lie with Cersei, in one way or another.
That's why I wasn't at all surprised to see Jaime break his word and leave Brienne alone at Winterfell. After all, Cersei is pregnant with his child (despite what she's telling Euron), and he once promised the queen the two of them would stand together against the world. We still don't know his true intentions in going to King's Landing. Many of us were quick to assume he was going back to murder his sister, but the episode's director, David Nutter, said, "it rings more like he's slipping back into that deep bond he has with Cersei."
However, what did surprise me was Brienne's emotional breakdown. What happened to the woman who beat the Hound in combat? I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to his or her emotions, and the moment in question is certainly a difficult balance between personal history and personal obligation. But on the surface of things, the outpouring of emotion seems bothersome because it, in some ways, negates or overshadows the beauty of them finally consummating their relationship. We're left with the heartbreak of shattered promises rather than the triumph Brienne should feel for taking an active role in the exploration of her sexuality, which is important on a show with so few positive representations of the female experience.
However, as much as I dislike Brienne reacting with such vulnerability to Jaime's departure, the moment serves as a turning point for both characters. But before we can effectively examine the final conversation between the couple, we must first look to the previous scene, during which Brienne reports the outcome of the day's battle in the South. In those moments, she informs Jaime, "Euron Greyjoy ambushed Queen Daenerys and her fleet. One of the dragons was killed, ships destroyed, and Missandei captured." Sansa follows the statement with a snide remark about Cersei, and we can immediately see in Jaime's face that he feels responsible. As if, perhaps, had he been home at King's Landing, he could have tempered his sister's worst impulses. Quick cut to Brienne's bedroom where Jaime, still consumed with guilt, sits awake with plans to slip away into the night while Ser Brienne sleeps.
Brienne's heightened emotion shows us how deeply she cares for Jaime and demonstrates how this new bond has forever altered their relationship.
Put through the scope of those two moments, Brienne's desperation feels a little more valid. She's angry that he plans to leave without an explanation, and she fears for his life as he heads toward a city that Daenerys will surely scorch with retaliatory dragon fire. In many ways, her pleas for Jaime to stay mirror the vision of righteousness she's had for him throughout their relationship. But what's most important here is that Brienne's heightened emotion shows us how deeply she cares for Jaime and demonstrates how this new bond has forever altered their relationship. By showing such a deep reaction in real time, rather than saving those tears for a private moment, she's divulging an area of vulnerability that Jaime (or other characters) can exploit in the future. She's also highlighting that Jaime has taken a major turn (for the worse?) that will inevitably affect his fate moving forward.
Remember, up to this point, the history of their relationship has shown that Jaime best responds when Brienne asserts herself against his vitriol and bad behavior. For instance, during their travels in season three, he taunts her about her inability to protect Renly Baratheon. She rails against him, calling his bluff, and shames him into telling her the truth behind the murder of the Mad King. He does so, and the emotional release of finally sharing his side of the story with someone who will listen causes him to collapse in her arms. This is their normal system of checks and balances. Brienne typically acts as Jaime's backbone, taking charge in a way that's traditionally considered the male role.
So when she falls to pieces during his departure, the scene feels incongruous to their journey up to this point and probably explains why so many of us feel the scenario doesn't ring true. Brienne is not embodying the version of womanhood that has become synonymous with her character. By breaking this cycle, the show now suggests that our two lovers will have to test their values and definitions of honor on each other. That is to say, the pair will more than likely meet on the battlefield in a situation where Brienne will have to kill Jaime to capture Cersei or Jaime will have to kill Cersei to save Brienne.
Otherwise, why bring these two lovers together only to rip them apart?
Here's How Far Jon and Daenerys Had to Travel to Get From Winterfell to King's Landing
Warning: Game of Thrones spoilers ahead!
The Battle of Winterfell has come and gone on Game of Thrones, and even though the Night King has been defeated, one battle still remains: the showdown between Cersei and Daenerys for the Iron Throne. With every passing episode, it seems like Daenerys has been getting more and more impatient, and rightfully so. Not only has Cersei killed Daenerys's dragon baby Rhaegal, but she's also had Missandei decapitated. So, it kind of makes sense why Daenerys is starting to get that crazed look in her eye, reminiscent of her father, the Mad King.
On top of that, Dany's love life isn't doing too hot now that she knows Jon Snow is actually her nephew. Incest aside (because she has more important things to worry about, clearly), Jon's true title of Aegon Targaryen means he now has the power to usurp Daenerys and rightfully take the Iron Throne as his own. So, Dany's been having a rough couple of weeks, to say the least. Adding to all that is the fact that Dany has to journey all the way to meet Cersei face-to-face in King's Landing from up North in Winterfell. How long did that take, exactly? One Reddit user Imperial_Affectation broke it down for us.
The Game of Thrones timeline can be tricky to navigate and keep track of, but based on maps of Westeros, they got a pretty accurate estimate of how far Jon and Daenerys's remaining army had to travel from Winterfell to King's Landing. Based on a guess that the Wall is a hundred leagues, or 300 miles, long, then most distances on maps of Westeros can be estimated accordingly. Per this logic, Westeros itself is about 9,000 miles long from north to south. In this case, Imperial_Affectation estimates that the walk via Kingsroad would be approximately 1,460 miles. Ugh, my feet hurt just thinking about it.
Since Daenerys probably made the trip by flying most of the way on Drogon, Jon likely arrived via horse, and what remains of the Unsullied rode on ships, we can't make an accurate guess as to how long it took all of them to arrive. So, depending on how fast they were traveling, the trip might have taken them anywhere between two weeks and a full month to complete. For reference, in today's world, the trip to King's Landing would have taken them 23 full hours of driving without any breaks.
Seeing as a significant amount of time has passed since Rhaegal's death and Jon's refusal to keep his secret from his sisters, Dany has had a lot of time to reflect and plot various forms of revenge. While we can't be entirely sure what's going on in her head, we still expect a lot more bloodshed before anyone takes a seat on the Iron Throne.
Here's Exactly Who Knows About Jon Snow's Secret on Game of Thrones - and Why It Matters
The cat's officially out of the bag, so to speak, when it comes to Jon Snow's true lineage, but in order for the secret to live on, some key Game of Thrones players will have to survive the Last War. In the season six finale, the show confirmed what fans long theorized to be true: that Jon Snow is a Targaryen, the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen. That presents, er, quite a few complications, particularly when it comes to Jon's relationship with Daenerys (aka his aunt) as well as her claim to the throne - a claim that (surprise, Dany!) actually belongs to Jon Snow.
Only a handful of people know about Jon's identity, though, so as a Reddit user pointed out, at least one of them would have to survive for the truth about his lineage to live on. Considering how fast-and-loose this season has played it with the deaths, it's fair to be concerned that Jon's secret might die with several characters. Or worse, it'll die with the man himself. Keep reading for a refresher on who, exactly, is clued in - or might be - then prepare yourself for the episode that Emilia Clarke called "bigger" than what's come before .
Nathalie Emmanuel Shares an Emotional Farewell to Game of Thrones on Instagram
Viewers at home weren't the only ones who were quite devastated to see Nathalie Emmanuel's run on Game of Thrones come to a pretty brutal end on Sunday night. The 30-year-old actress, who plays Missandei on the show, took to Instagram on Tuesday to share an emotional tribute to the HBO series, calling out the life-changing nature of her role.
"It's been one of my greatest joys playing Missandei of Naath . . . The quiet and kind translator," she captioned a gallery of several stills from the show. "A brilliant woman who overcame so much suffering and found herself, her voice . . . and her one and only love. She represented so much for me, personally, that I have no choice but to carry the things she has taught me into my life going forward."
Emmanuel's character has been the adviser to Daenerys Targaryen ever since her introduction in season three and has remained a fan favorite. Sadly, she is killed in tragic fashion in episode four after being captured by Cersei and her army.
In her lengthy post, Emmanuel also took a moment to shout out Emilia Clarke, one of her closest costars. "I love you . . . SO much," she wrote. "I've loved playing your BFF for the past 7 years. Thank you for being such a wonderful person in my life and a source of light and laughter. The Bad Ass Boss Lady Warrior Goddess club will live on forever." And, of course, she also penned a few words for Jacob Anderson, who plays her onscreen lover. "I literally cannot tell you what sharing the screen with you has meant to me," she said. "I found performances I didn't know I had inside me, simply because you gave me so much to work against. Playing Missandei and Grey Worm's journey has been so special. I couldn't have asked for a more generous and supportive co-star."
She wrapped things up by thanking fans of the show, as well as the entire cast and crew, some of whom have posted their own sweet photos documenting their time on set with Emmanuel. Read ahead to see a couple more Game of Thrones cast members who posted their own sweet words about Emmanuel's fallen character.
I'm Just Here to Remind Everyone That Jenna Dewan Is a Freakin' Queen on the Dance Floor
Jenna Dewan twirled her way into our hearts in 2006's Step Up, but her dancing career actually dates back even further. Six years prior, Jenna made an appearance in Janet Jackson's music video for "Doesn't Really Matter" before joining the singer on tour. She also garnered attention in Justin Timberlake's "Rock Your Body" video. Since then, her vocation as a performer has taken off, and we've loved watching her dance to the beat of her own drum throughout the years. Lucky for us, she's continued to share some amazing videos of her working it on the dance floor (including her spot-on execution of Beyoncé's "Before I Let Go" challenge). Ahead, watch some of the best ones to date!
Of All the Products in My Makeup Bag, These Are the 10 I'll Never Travel Without
When I travel, I like my makeup bag to be packed and prepared with everything I could possibly need. I don't like to think of myself as an overpacker, but there have been a few too many instances when traveling where someone needs something that's not readily available, and I like to think that I have it all in my bag. Whether you're taking a quick weekend getaway out of the city, or traveling the globe, there are a few beauty tools that are absolute nonnegotiables.
For all the creams, powders, and products I have in my makeup bag, when I'm traveling, the two things I always need without fail are tweezers and nail clippers. Someone, at some point during a trip, will need to use a beauty tool, and I'm all about being prepared. If you don't want to go without, now you don't have to. These are the 10 travel beauty tools that should be permanent fixtures in your carry-on bag.
Related: Bring Your Favorite Beauty Products Wherever You Go With These 95 Travel-Size Must Haves
22 Beauty Products Our Editors Bought on Amazon and Truly Love - Read Our Reviews
Have you ever gone to look for something on Amazon and suddenly felt too overwhelmed by all the options? Yeah, me too. I love to have choices, but sometimes I need more information in order to make a smart buy. This is particularly true for beauty products - the selection seems endless.
As a shopping editor, my sole job is to hunt for the best products customers should know about when it comes to beauty. I take that job very seriously, since we're literally using these items on our bodies. That's why I love trying new things from Amazon, because they often come with hundreds of customer reviews. I know it's a purchase I can feel good about after doing my research. I've rounded up the bestselling beauty products our editors have reviewed and bought themselves. Check out everything, and give something new a try.
Gigi Hadid’s Met Gala Makeup Consisted of Bird Feathers and a $10 Bronzer
To create Gigi Hadid's wispy, spiky white eyelashes at the Met Gala, makeup artist Erin Parsons didn't use an ultrabuildable mascara. The avant-garde eye look was thanks to pieces of white feather.
Parsons posted a close-up of Hadid on her Instagram with a caption that listed everything that she used on the model's face. "I created the lashes using a few feathers that I cut and then individually applied one at a time," she said.
Other products that were used on Hadid include the Maybelline SuperStay Foundation in Warm Nude ($9), Matte Ink in Driver ($10), and City Bronzer in 100 ($10) (on her cheekbones, eyes, nose, and lips). See Hadid be the definition of "camp" at this year's Met Gala, ahead.
18 Orange Nail Polishes For Every Skin Tone That You'll Wear All Summer Long
The warm weather is bringing bright color trends to your favorite nail salons, and orange in particular is a major trend for Summer 2019. Regardless of your skin tone or tastes, there's a shade of orange to love. According to Eleanor Langston, chief creative officer of Paintbox in New York City, clients are already favoring the color.
"From poppy red to vivid peach, orange undertones signal that Summer's here," she said. In fact, the color is becoming so popular, it's replacing many people's go-to shade. "Corals, peaches, and salmon shades are the modern version of millennial pink and are ultraflattering on all skin tones," she said.
Langston suggests choosing your orange shade according to your skin tone. "If you're fair, try a warm cherry red or even a terracotta color," she said. "Medium and olive complexions would look amazing in salmon, tangerine, or cantaloupe shades." Have a darker complexion? She suggests trying out a milky blush or bright grapefruit polish.
Check out some of the best orange polishes in the shades Langston suggests ahead.
In Defense of Having a Signature Scent
I haven't been to the home of my childhood best friend since we were in elementary school, but I still know that her house smells like a specific kind of laundry detergent, and I can tell if someone around me has used it. That's how powerful and evocative smells are. They can transport you back in time, and remind you so vividly of memories, thoughts, and people. Every woman I look up to has a signature scent, and it felt like a rite of passage that came with growing up. So when it came time for me to choose a perfume, I knew that I wasn't going to have lots of different options. I wanted one signature scent, and I found it in Jo Malone's Red Roses ($68).
"'I enjoy having a signature scent because I love having something that just smells like me."
A little bit about my personal taste; I'm not a fan of smoky, woody scents, and much prefer something floral, fruity, or clean. I also hate something that smells artificial or chemically, and I can't stand anything powdery. Which made this quest challenging to say the least. It felt like I would never find exactly what I was looking for, until I stumbled upon the Jo Malone counter. When I sprayed Red Roses on my wrist, I knew it was the one, and I confirmed it an hour later when my wrist smelled exactly the same as it had upon first spritz. The scent is powerful but not overbearing; it smells mostly like, you guessed it, roses, but also has notes of lemon and honeycomb that make it crisp and fresh, like a real rose garden.
I enjoy having a signature scent because I love having something that just smells like me. In the middle of the day, when I flip my hair and catch a whiff of my perfume, it makes me smile. Plus, it's incredibly comforting. My whole life, my mom only ever burned one candle, and whenever I smell it, I'm reminded of home. Plus, she and my grandmother both have their own signature scents, custom oil blends that I've never seen replicated. I love that no matter if my mom is cooking dinner or going to an event, she smells the same. It's her way of bringing herself to everything she does, and it's one of the things I love most about her.
The beautiful thing about perfume is that it reacts with your skin, so even though many people could be wearing the same product, it'll smell slightly different on everyone. So, basically, everyone can have their own signature scent. I'm obsessed with mine, but I'm willing to share.
A Zoomed-in Look at Priyanka Chopra's Over-the-Top Met Gala Look
Priyanka Chopra arrived at the Met Gala looking like a sexy version of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland, and we're super into it. The actress went all in on the camp theme with fluffy brushed-out curls, rhinestone beauty marks, dramatic lashes, and red and white makeup accents.
Makeup artist Pati Dubroff used Marc Jacobs Beauty products to give Chopra her magical look. Dubroff used the Marc Jacobs Beauty Accomplice Concealer and Touch Up Stick ($32) in its lightest shade (10 Fair) to block out Chopra's eyebrows. For the red-hued eye shadow, Dubroff drew on the shape with Marc Jacobs Beauty Fineliner Ultra-Skinny Gel Crayon Eyeliner in Fine(wine) ($25) and applied Marc Jacobs Beauty Eye-Conic Multi-Finish Eyeshadow Palette in Scandalust ($50).
For the dramatic white waterline, Duboff used Marc Jacobs Beauty Fineliner Ultra-Skinny Gel Crayon Eyeliner in Big Eyes ($25). She also used the white pencil and Marc Jacobs Beauty Velvet Primer Epic Lash Primer ($26) to add white specks to the lashes and also her brows. Her wine-colored lip was Marc Jacobs Beauty Le Marc Lip Crème Lipstick in Boy Gorgeous 222 ($32), which Duboff applied in a heart shape for a more dramatic effect.
Chopra's curls were created by hairstylist Bok-Hee using Ghd tools, and held together by strong hairspray. On top of her curls sat a tall wire crown with rhinestones that mimicked the ones on her face.
Check out the elaborate look from all angles, ahead.
8 Celebrities Who Wore Drugstore Beauty Products With Their Couture Gowns
When stars are walking down the Met Gala pink carpet in one-of-a-kind gowns, you might expect that the beauty products they're wearing are as exclusive as their clothes, but fortunately, many celebrities' glam teams opt to use affordable items from the drugstore.
This year, celebrities achieved their on-theme campy looks thanks to brightly colored nail polishes, fuchsia lipsticks, and dry shampoos - for as little as $8, $3, and $5, respectively. If celebrity makeup artists and hairstylists choose to use these items for the biggest event of the year, they're sure to work for your everyday life.
Check out the products - all under $13 - ahead.
5 Fragrances That Every Mom Would Love For Mother’s Day
We get it - finding the perfect present for the person that has made you who you are can come with some pressure. If you're looking to give your mom or caregiver a beauty product for Mother's Day, fragrance - with its memory-inducing powers and beautiful bottles - is one present your mom might appreciate.
Ahead, you'll find a beachy scent that will transport your mom to the vacation of her dreams, a rollerball that your mom will always reach for when she's on-the-go, and a perfume that will brighten up her day as much as she does for you. See our picks for the fragrances that she will love.
These Extreme Eyelashes From the Met Gala Deserve a Closer Look
Can we all agree that "Camp: Notes on Fashion" is the best theme we've seen in years from the Met Gala? Collectively, everyone showed up and turned out - Lady Gaga wore four outfits within a matter of minutes; Katy Perry went from a chandelier to a cheeseburger; Billy Porter entered like the royal he is. You know it's a good year when the only bad thing is if your outfit isn't "interesting" enough, right? Fashion took center stage, of course, but we'd argue that many of the beauty looks took the outfits to the next level. Headpieces, optical illusions - they all had their moment on the first Monday in May, but so did extreme eye makeup.
Lady Gaga, Gigi Hadid, Billy Porter, Darren Criss, Lucy Boynton, Priyanka Chopra, Bette Midler, and more were the ultimate champs, wearing lashes so over-the-top, they had our eyes watering. (Can you imagine wearing those all night long?) There were also plenty of gorgeous appliqués and eye shadow blends to be envious of. Keep reading to see who all kicked lash at the Met.
If You Thought the Met Gala Clothes Were Camp, Wait Until You See the Nails
Just when you think you're done looking at all there is to see from the Met Gala, more extravagance presents itself to gaze and marvel at.
This year's theme, "Camp: Notes on Fashion", brought more eyelashes than an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race, enough hair accessories to fill Coachella, and over the top manicures that give even Cardi B's nails competition. With so many outfits and big hair moments to look at, we don't blame you for missing the one small, but very impactful, detail: the nails. Some were more obvious than others, but all were as fabulous than the next. Elle Fanning's nails were fully committed to the theme with dangle acrylic nail charms, while Harry Styles's manicure was a little more understated, with a mismatched set that totally worked.
Ahead, get a zoomed-in peek at some of the best manicures that added extra embellishment to every Met Gala look.
Ezra Miller Just Did a Red Carpet Makeup First, and BRB, We're Still Recovering
Ezra Miller didn't just turn up to the Met Gala, as one Twitter user analyzed: "Ezra Miller understood the assignment, turned it in early, did extra credit, and checked in to see if there was anything else she needed to do to ensure successful completion." Extra credit he certainly delivered, and we couldn't take our eyes off him, literally. His makeup artist, Mimi Choi told POPSUGAR via email, "Ezra's interpretation of the theme "camp" is an ultimate transformation that everyone goes through at least once in their life. The multiple eyes represent his layers hidden beneath an exterior mask that was revealed on the red carpet."
Miller's look was all about the optical illusion, and we're still dizzy in awe, so it only made sense that he called in illusion expert and Instagram talent Mimi Choi to create the masterpiece. The illusion makeup artist is no stranger to making a face look both eerie and mesmerizing all at the same time, and Miller's look was certainly no different. Choi painstakingly hand-painted five eyes on the actor to create a trippy effect using Mehron Mimi Choi Illusion Palette ($70), Make Up For Ever Artist Color Pencils ($18), and Velour and House of Lashes for the added 3D effect, finished off with a classic MAC Ruby Woo ($18).
With a start time of 4 a.m., the look took five hours to create as the concept was adjusted and positioning of the eyes changed. Although the makeup was completed by 9:30a.m., she was around throughout the day for touchups. As for the collaboration and inspiration behind the look, Choi said her and Miller had an in-depth conversation about what they wanted to achieve and they both had a past look of hers in mind. Choi explained, she "enjoyed the spontaneity and collaborative nature of the process as Ezra has such a creative mind and is an incredible canvas to work on."
Get a closer look at the process of his intricate illusion makeup, but maybe take a seat first because things are about to get trippy.
A Pro Athlete Does This One Thing to Calm Her Nerves, and You Can, Too
Picture this: you're gearing up for a big presentation, meeting your partner's parents for the first time, or competing in a CrossFit regional event. The pressure's on. What is the single most important thing you rely on to calm your nerves? You might want to consider your breath.
I sat down with 23-year-old Rose Lavelle, USWNT midfielder who plays professionally for Washington Spirit and was a three-time NSCAA All-American at University of Wisconsin. She's preparing for the biggest game there is in soccer - the FIFA Women's World Cup, held in France this June - but Rose is no stranger to the international stage having represented USA at the 2014 Under-20 tournament. Still, this is different. It's her first-ever World Cup on the women's national team.
The US women are defending champs - the 2015 win marked the team's third World Cup title - and Rose said she's thinking of it as just another game. "You have to treat every game the same," she explained. "Play 100 percent every game and don't treat one more or less than the other." When it comes to calming any nerves that do come up, Rose said she uses a breathing technique her sports psychologist, who's helped her overcome injuries and "get her mind in a good place," taught her.
Her breathing exercise isn't anything complicated - she just counts her breaths. "You're supposed to practice breathing throughout any point of the day. I'll sit down and do it for a couple of minutes," she explained. Then, when she's in a stressful situation - even midgame - she'll become mindful of her inhales and exhales, counting them one by one. Overall, Rose said her sports psychologist has played a crucial role in helping her manage pressures of soccer and training "because the same way that we train our bodies, we need to train our minds."
As the World Cup approaches and you conquer your own fears, try to remember what Rose will surely be doing when she's feeling the pressure: counting her breaths. Or use a meditation app - Rose likes Headspace - instead.
More of Rose's Pregame Rituals
Beyond her breathing technique, Rose listens to calming music on her way to games, and, while stretching before the whistle blows, she'll put on country music (nothing intense, since she doesn't want to be "too amped up"). In terms of pregame nutrition, she'll try to eat protein, whether that's eggs or chicken, and maybe have a little pasta or a bagel for carbs. She doesn't describe herself as a "big eater," so she gets in as much as she can for fuel.
The World Cup, she said, won't be about defending a title - at least not for her. She's still set on winning, but her goal is to "be the best player and teammate" she can be. You'll hopefully see a lot of her this June on the field, your TV screens, and social feeds. KT Tape will actually be selling limited-edition Rose Lavelle Pro Tape throughout the World Cup, as well as limited-edition headbands from which 100 percent of proceeds will go to the Women's Sports Foundation. Unfortunately, you won't be seeing any of Wilma, Rose's adorable English bulldog, who has to stay in their hometown of Cincinnati. When I asked about Wilma heading to France with her, Rose laughed: "I don't think she could handle the flight."
If You're Having a Hard Time Falling Asleep, Let These 5 Apps Lull You Off to Dreamland
If you constantly have a hard time quieting your mind enough to fall asleep, try one of these helpful, soothing apps. They're specifically designed to help you feel calm, whether it's through guided meditations, relaxing stories, or gentle sounds. Many of them have a few free features you can test out, and if you love them, they cost a few dollars a month, which, for a good night's sleep, is priceless!
Experts Agree: Yoga Can Help You Lose Weight, Especially If You Do This Type of Practice
Losing weight through yoga sounds almost too good to be true. On the surface, yoga seems like the polar opposite of a fast-paced high-intensity interval training (HIIT) circuit or a weightlifting workout, the two kinds of exercise usually recommended for weight loss. A yoga class leaves your body feeling totally different: refreshed instead of wiped out, loose instead of tight, flexible instead of sore. It's even good for your mental health, helping you deal with stress and anxiety.
HIIT, weightlifting, and cardio are fun and effective for weight loss, but they're also not for everyone. If yoga sounds more appealing and weight loss is your goal, it's natural to wonder if your daily practice can help you shed pounds.
Yes, You Can Lose Weight With Yoga
"Yoga can be a good source of exercise," said Jorianne Numbers, MS, an exercise physiologist with Northwestern Medicine. At the most basic level, she said, yoga is a form of movement that helps you burn calories, which is a major part of losing weight (though your exact amount burned will depend on your height, weight, and gender).
But there's more behind yoga's relationship with weight loss than first meets the eye. An effective practice also fosters a mind-body connection that makes you more mindful in every facet of your life. "Yoga brings you into a heightened state of awareness," explained Lara Heimann, physical therapist, yoga instructor, and founder of LYT Method, a yoga certification program. Moving through different poses and holds increases your awareness of your body, and that can translate to other effective weight-loss habits, like eating healthy, which is key for losing weight no matter what exercise you're doing. (Try this two-week clean eating plan to get started.) "The congruency between mindfulness on and off of the mat is what can make yoga more effective for weight loss than other forms of exercise," Lara told POPSUGAR.
Yoga has long been regarded as an effective way to relieve stress, and that on its own can be a weight-loss tool. "Having a less stressful life, and fewer stress hormones such as cortisol, can help anyone lead a healthier lifestyle," explained Liza Janda, a certified yoga instructor at Yoga Janda. Cortisol is an appetite stimulant, hence why we tend to eat (and overeat) when we're stressed out and to crave unhealthy foods in particular. A relaxing yoga practice can help you deal with stress in a healthier way and even avoid it, and the related weight gain, altogether. (Try this relaxing yoga sequence or one of these stress-busting yoga videos to see for yourself.)
Which Practices Are Best For Weight Loss?
If you're looking for pure calorie burn, our experts agreed that fast-paced Vinyasa yoga is the practice to choose. "A good Vinyasa class will take you through a variety of movements, with a focus on integrating your core and weight-bearing on your hands and feet," Lara explained. Imagine a classic flow from plank to tricep push-up to upward facing dog - you're getting a core burn, working your triceps, then using your arms to hold up your bodyweight as you stretch. This kind of weight-bearing move "increases heart rate and builds muscle," Liza told POPSUGAR. The more muscle you build, the more calories you'll burn even after you're done exercising.
Power yoga is another good choice, Jorianne told POPSUGAR, though it's more intense and better suited for people who are already in good shape. "In power yoga, there is less meditation and more of a focus on standing poses and faster-paced movement," she explained. Your heart will pump even harder than in a Vinyasa class, which is good news for losing weight; Liza recommended aiming for a heart rate that's 55 to 85 percent of your maximum to get the most calories burned out of a class. (Use this guide to calculate your max heart rate and find your target zones.)
And what about hot yoga? "Vinyasa classes burn more calories than the hot yoga," Lara told POPSUGAR. "Hot yoga makes you feel like you're working harder than you actually are because your body is just trying to thermoregulate." Basically, sweating more doesn't mean you're burning more calories. "The sweat you produce should come simply from physical exertion," Liza said, not from temperature.
A more gentle yoga class, such as Hatha, won't burn as many calories. But it can benefit your mental health and decrease stress levels while helping you be more mindful, all of which have weight-loss benefits as well.
How Often Should I Do Yoga to Lose Weight?
For the best weight-loss results, Liza recommended doing yoga three times a week. Continue to stay active and get your heart rate on the other three to four days as well, whether through cardio, weightlifting, or HIIT workouts of 45 minutes to an hour. (We recommend this dance workout for cardio, this Nike weightlifting workout, and this belly-targeting HIIT circuit, all 45 minutes in length.) And keep your nutrition in mind, too. "Exercise alone without dieting makes losing weight hard," Jorianne said. "Weight loss occurs when you burn more calories than you consume."
If you eat clean and burn calories, though, the results will come, and yoga has a place in the process. Start with this 30-minute power flow to relax, rejuvenate, and work up a sweat.
These 10 Mushroom Recipes Are All Vegan and All Kinds of Delicious
Mushrooms are those meaty, earthy, strange-but-delicious fungi you really want to call vegetables. Some, like shiitakes, contain many of the same amino acids as meat. Mushrooms are a great substitute for beef on burgers because of their thick texture and savory flavor, and when it comes to vegan meals, you better believe they make an appearance. Ahead, check out mushroom recipes that vegans and nonvegans alike can enjoy. Ready your cooking supplies!
Related: 16 Delectable Mushroom Recipes That Require Very Little Cooking Experience - Really
Wondering If You Need a Measles Booster? These Are the Guidelines From the CDC
As the US goes through a resurgence in the mostly eradicated measles, it's got people on edge about their risk of contracting the nasty (and potentially deadly) virus. The good news is that, if you were vaccinated on the typical schedule as a child, you are probably covered against measles and don't need any booster shots, unless you fall into one of a few specific categories.
The Centers For Disease Control's website explains that the agency "considers people who received two doses of measles vaccine as children according to the U.S. vaccination schedule protected for life, and they do not ever need a booster dose." The version of the vaccine that requires two separate doses came into use in 1989, so if you were vaccinated after that, you're most likely good to go.
However, there are some situations where someone might need a "booster" dose of the vaccine against measles. Prior to 1989, vaccination against measles (in the form of the MMR vaccine) consisted of one shot, rather than two. For the most part, one dose should suffice (it's 93 percent effective, compared to two doses, which are 97 percent effective). If you're in a higher-risk situation, though, the CDC recommends that you get the second dose. Those with higher risk of transmission include "students at post-high school education institutions, healthcare personnel, international travelers, [and] people who public health authorities determine are at increased risk for getting measles during a measles outbreak."
People who were vaccinated in the 1960s should double-check their vaccination records, because there were two different types of the vaccine circulating at the time, and one was ineffective. The CDC warns that, between 1963 and 1967, one version of the vaccine contained inactivated measles virus, rather than live virus. This version was not effective, and those vaccinated with this version should receive a booster shot.
"People who have documentation of receiving live measles vaccine in the 1960s do not need to be revaccinated," the CDC explains. "People who were vaccinated prior to 1968 with either inactivated (killed) measles vaccine or measles vaccine of unknown type should be revaccinated with at least one dose of live attenuated measles vaccine."
Other than these specific groups, though, most folks who have been vaccinated do not need a booster shot and should be protected against measles. Vaccination helps protect one's own health against preventable diseases like measles, as well as builds herd immunity to stop the spread of disease so people who are medically unable to be vaccinated can avoid getting measles, too. If you have any doubt about your own immunity, talk to your doctor.
World of Dance Star Briar Nolet Aims to Inspire Following Her Epilepsy Diagnosis: "Do What You Love"
Image Source: NBC
NBC's World of Dance has featured a deluge of talented dancers in its current season. With so many skilled performers taking the stage every week to earn the title as the WOD champion, it takes a certain je ne sais quoi to stand out among the rest. And 20-year-old Canada native Briar Nolet has exactly that.
On the show, Briar - who was a gymnast before switching to dance at 7 years old - first performed a contemporary routine to Billie Eilish's "You Should See Me in a Crown," which got her through to the second round. She then showcased a powerful performance to Ruelle's "Come Fly With Me" where - much to viewers' surprise - she landed in the bottom, having to earn a spot back in the competition through the all-or-nothing Redemption round. And she did. With high-flying acro-contemporary moves and an exceptional level of aplomb, Briar danced her way into becoming one of the top acts in the competition.
Fighting through adversity isn't unfamiliar for the young talent. After suffering a severe seizure at age 16, and more afterward, Briar was diagnosed with epilepsy when she was 19. "I got misdiagnosed for two years. At first, they thought it was anxiety," she told POPSUGAR over the phone on April 24. "But I knew that wasn't it. I wasn't a stressed person, especially enough to put myself into a full-blown seizure." She then found another neurologist in Toronto who tracked her brainwaves through an electroencephalogram (EEG) over the course of three days, which detected the condition.
"If you're going through something serious, even life-threatening, you shouldn't give up what you love to do."
Following her diagnosis, Briar had to decide if she wanted to take medication that was guaranteed to work but had side effects or medication that wasn't guaranteed to work but didn't have side effects. She chose the latter, and it worked out in her favor. "It was a difficult choice, but I just hoped that it worked for me," she said. "Everyone's epilepsy is different. Sometimes it takes people years to find the medication that works for them. I was super lucky that the first one I chose worked for me."
One of the most nerve-wracking obstacles Briar had to face was the dread of getting back into dance. Her seizures were often triggered while learning choreography, and even with medication, it would take an intrepid type of physical and mental strength to conquer the fear of giving it her all on the dance floor. "I took it slow," she explained. "I started classical exercises to see if I had any symptoms. Once I overcame that, I did contemporary movement and would try a little hip-hop combo. Then I would go to class with people who I was comfortable with and grew from there."
Briar's journey with epilepsy has continued to be a driving force behind her dancing career. On the April 14 episode of World of Dance, she tapped into a part of herself she hadn't felt before. Thinking about what she's been through and how far she's come propelled her through a deeply emotional routine to Celine Dion's "Ashes."
She executed her flips and tricks as naturally as one breathes, but there was an extra element of spirit and fervor that can't necessarily be taught in a dance studio. It only comes from within. Her pirouettes had more than impeccable form, and her side aerials were more than technically exemplary. There was an energy that emitted from the moves - an energy so strong it brought judge Jennifer Lopez to tears and gave Briar the highest score in the Upper Division.
"I had never danced like that in my entire life," she said. "Not only was it the situation that I went through, but how the dance reflected that and how I mentally and emotionally break through in it. I've always been so focused on making sure a dance looks as good as it possibly can and as strong as it can. But when I let go of that and let go of the competitive side almost completely and just danced for myself, that's when the emotion came out in a real way."
More than anything, Briar hopes to promote a message of courage. Her time on World of Dance has proven to be impactful for many viewers. "A lot of people who have epilepsy have reached out to me," she said. "I just want to inspire people, not only with my dancing, but also my story. If you're going through something, even life-threatening, don't give up on what you love to do. Of course your health is most important, and you have to take care of yourself. But if there are ways to work around or through an issue, find them. And from there, take the right steps to do what you love."
Yes, You Can Eat Hot Cereal on a Low-Carb Diet, as Long as It's 1 of These 9 Picks
Oatmeal is one of our favorite breakfast options, but we sometimes wonder if it meets the requirements of a low-carb diet. Well, the answer, thankfully, is yes! That is, if you're choosing one of these nine hot cereal options, which all have fewer than 10 grams of net carbs. The best part, though, is that they're all available on Amazon! Is it breakfast time yet?
8 Instagram Fitness Stars You Can (and Should!) Work Out With on YouTube
Instagram is actually a grade-A resource for fitness, whether you want to keep tabs on your favorite brands or media sites (follow us here!), read up on registered dietitians' nutrition advice - make sure they're credible - or find awesome workouts from kick-butt certified personal trainers. Don't believe me? Here are a handful of accounts to follow for workouts straight from Instagram.
If you're obsessed with these fitness stars, you might also be interested in their workouts on other platforms (because, let's be honest, sometimes you just need a break from the land of selfies and brunch chronicles). Ahead, we've compiled a list of top-notch trainers you've seen on Instagram that you can find on YouTube, too. It's a great alternative to workout apps because you can pick and choose what videos to try all in one place. Plus, convenience is key. Get ready to get sweaty anytime, anywhere!
Hi Shoes, Bye Money! The 22 Hottest Sneakers of 2019
To say we're obsessed with sneakers would be an understatement. They occupy a large portion of our fitness-loving brains pretty much all the time. Whether you're hitting the gym, going for a run, taking a class, or just doing errands, having a decent pair of kicks is important. We created a guide to the very best sneakers to get in 2019, so get your hands on them fast. Hot commodities like these don't stick around for very long.
If You're Constantly Tired, Have Headaches, or Generally "Feel Off," It Could Be Lupus
Have you heard of lupus, but aren't really sure what it is or if you need to worry about it? About five million people worldwide are diagnosed with lupus every year, and the symptoms may be hard to pinpoint if you don't know what you're looking for.
Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease: normally, our immune systems produce antibodies to fight off germs and bacteria, but with an autoimmune disease like lupus, something goes wrong with your immune system, and your body can't tell the difference between harmful germs and your body's own tissues. So your body produces autoantibodies as a first line of defense that attacks and destroys healthy tissue. Dr. Kristamarie Collman, MD, explained to POPSUGAR that "lupus can affect almost any part of the body, but the signs and symptoms can vary for each individual."
Lupus is most common for women during childbearing years, ages 15 to 44, but men, children, and teenagers can also get lupus; men will usually be diagnosed between the same ages as women. Lupus is two to three times more prevalent among women of color than among white women, and currently there is no cure.
Diagnosing lupus can be challenging, like figuring out a puzzle, because there's no singular test your doctor can give you. Sometimes it can take months or even years to diagnose because lupus also has similar symptoms to other conditions, including rheumatoid arthritis, blood disorders, fibromyalgia, diabetes, thyroid problems, or Lyme disease.
Dr. Collman shared this list of common symptoms of lupus:
- Anemia
- Feeling tired or weak (due to anemia or low blood counts)
- Painful, swollen, or stiff joints
- Headache
- Low-grade fever
- Sensitivity to sunlight or fluorescent light
- Chest pain when breathing deeply, since lupus can cause inflammation in the lining surrounding the heart
- Swelling (edema) in feet, legs, hands, or around the eyes
- Butterfly-shaped rash across the nose and cheeks
- Hair loss
- Abnormal blood clotting
- Fingers turning white and/or blue when cold (Raynaud's disease)
- Mouth or nose ulcers
- Brown-colored urine
"The signs and symptoms of lupus are plentiful, so if you generally feel unwell or just 'feel off,' be sure to discuss your concerns with your doctor," Dr. Collman said. Lupus symptoms can come and go, and they can change, so share all the details you can to help your doctor make a proper diagnosis.
PTSD Is Like Being Caught in a Battle Between My Brain and Body
The following is an excerpt from What a Body Remembers: A Memoir of Sexual Assault and Its Aftermath, available for preorder now.
Almost daily I go for a run. Nothing crazy, just four miles. It's how I break up my day. Running brings a brief calm, quiets the incessant chatter of my mind. Running, if I'm honest, is my only source of pleasure.
On these little jogs I wear my tattered Cal Bears cap, the navy blue worn and faded, the thread of the gold scripted Cal loose and frayed. At least once a week it earns a shout out from some passerby of "Go Bears!" Because that's what one Cal Bear says to another Bear by way of greeting. Usually I forget I'm wearing the cap and as my brain fumbles, I've already passed the person before I can muster a meek "Go Bears" in return. If my husband is with me, a man who spent the period that made up my college years playing bass in heavy metal bands on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, he will cringe with embarrassment over the nerdiness of this exchange.
Today I am alone and I try to be conscious, to connect with my surroundings, to feel a gratitude I rarely register anymore. I follow the winding concrete paths of Balboa Park, trying to focus on beauty. Sun filtering through trees bending in the breeze. Black crows cawing. Happy dogs trotting along on flex-leashes. I am trying simply, desperately, to be present in my own life.
Running along, the ball of my foot rolls over concrete in rhythmic steps and sweat soaks the nape of my neck, wetting the edges of my tattered cap. I pass the Parks & Rec men, waving as I always do, envying them for their jobs. Maybe not a lot of money but a steady paycheck, minimal hassles, a good night's sleep, and a tidy pension from the city after thirty years. Not bad.
Panic flutters in my chest and my mind fights.
The path twists and I reach the place where I am all alone in the thick nest of trees where the grass flanking the path becomes invisible, covered in fragrant beds of pine needles. All around me is silence. I focus on my connection with the path beneath my feet, rolling forward, shifting my weight from foot to foot, grounding me to the earth, repeating in a tempo that feels like a song.
The breeze startles the leaves and I search side to side, making sure I am still alone.
Then another sound intrudes. Ten yards behind, the taps of another's jogging footsteps, pace steady, growing louder as they near. A runner's breath exhales in beats matching the sound of shoes hitting concrete.
Panic flutters in my chest and my mind fights. My brain knows with near certainty that this person means me no harm. It's a runner. In a park. Just like me. But my body refuses to listen and as it takes control, I am seized.
Something inside begins to choke me, squeezing my lungs. The ground beneath turns unsteady, the horizon starts to swim and the tingling, visceral as nails scraping chalkboard, starts at the base of my spine. It begins slowly, above the tail bone, a tornado of nerve endings rippling, rushing up the base, swelling at the middle of my back. Like a shiver of a tambourine, it rattles, transmitting a message from the deepest place, tumbling into a spasm of panic, meaning spilling across flesh. I own you, it says.
The tornado keeps rushing, rolling, all the way to the base of my sweating skull where it pulses. A surge sends pinpricks to my hands and I can no longer fight the urge to swing around, to set eyes upon the person making the footsteps sound, to make eye contact, to satisfy my body, to calm this storm.
As I relent, permitting my head to whip around, I strain to appear casual, knowing I have failed miserably the moment I see the look on the other runner's face. He's a twenty-something man with a buzz cut, sweating in his Navy cadet uniform of blue shorts and a t-shirt. He raises a palm in apology, "Sorry to frighten you, ma'am," he says, then continues past, giving the crazy panicked lady a wide berth. And it's only as he runs on ahead in front of me that the air begins its return to my lungs.
The ball of a foot colliding with concrete, a simple slapping sound. How can that evoke fear? How can something that happened so long ago hold so much power? And how can it wield that power after lying dormant for so many years? Every day pieces of memory fade away and die. But not this. It's an involuntary memory, a madeleine of terror, an ingrained sensation of before and after.
It makes no sense. In nearly fifty years on this planet I have heard footsteps slapping pavement behind me - What? A million times? Only once has that sound led to terror. Once. That night is just something that happened, something to catalog as I tally the unexpected things I've experienced in this life: sitting in a Manhattan conference room preparing to take a deposition, then watching a plane fly into the World Trade Center. The betrayal of a spouse. Losing a home and life savings. A car accident unfolding in slow motion, a crash certain to have killed me if a city light pole had been situated only seven inches farther east.
There is something unique about the sound of footsteps. His were the slap of rubber soled tennis shoes hitting concrete as he jogged along the sidewalk toward the entrance to my building, inscribing a message into the ground, like writing one's name in wet concrete. Perhaps it's his own special way of reminding me, of promising he'll always be with me, even if it seems he has disappeared for some years. Could I have known I would never forget? That he would arrive again and again at times of his own choosing, forever lodged inside my body? Each time it happens my body speaks to me, telling me the shadows of my past have not disappeared. Our lives intersected so briefly, but he has stayed with me. His footsteps inhabit my body. How do I get them to stop?
For years it came and went and I dismissed it as a minor annoyance. But as the triggers keep coming, triggers that attack when I'm at my weakest, I start to think. What if I'm missing something? Missing a piece to the story of my own life? What if that incident had transformed me even if I've refused to allow myself to believe it? If this still happens thirty years after the fact, what if my body is in revolt? What if it's responding because I insisted on blocking the trauma, refused to allow myself to process the impact of my assault, betrayed myself by lying, by insisting I was fine. Maybe the more we try to forget the wounds of the past, the tighter they grip us. Perhaps my body is shirking my mind's refusal to do something with these memories. Perhaps it's time for the mind to finally come around.
In 1984, the term "post-traumatic stress disorder" or "PTSD" was not in common use. It first appeared in the DSM-III in 1980 and its definition was limited. In 2014 it's everywhere, a label for veterans of yet another war, for the millions of people in this world who have suffered disaster.
The American Psychiatric Association defines PTSD as a reaction to an extreme traumatic event. Primary symptoms include increased arousal in the form of insomnia, impaired concentration, or persistent hypervigilance. Factors that predict development of PTSD include personality traits of high neuroticism and poor self-confidence. Another factor is family characteristics and yet another is the environment for recovery. Lack of support from family, friends, and community can make a victim feel alone and helpless. There is also considerable impact where a victim is disbelieved and where there is "secondary victimization" such as where the police or lawyers or jurors or prosecutors or an entire criminal justice system make a victim feel like a chump.
Psychologists say that when people live through trauma, the memories get connected in their minds with what they saw, heard, smelled, or felt at the time. Anxiety and fear become linked to sensations that occurred during the event. These sensations become cues that evoke anxiety when they are experienced again later, bringing the memories and emotions flooding back.
In other words, the texture of memory is smooth, slippery.
A traumatic event is not remembered and categorized in a person's past in the same way as other life events. Instead, trauma continues to invade the senses and a person experiencing PTSD will relive the life-threatening experience, reacting in both body and mind as though the traumatic event is still occurring. In other words, the past makes the present ache.
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