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21 Completely Inappropriate Things That Real Kids Said in Public

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Image Source: Columbia Pictures

Ever been on an innocent errands run with your little one when suddenly they say something a little off-kilter in the loudest voice they've ever donned? It happens to the best of us, and though it may seem mortifying in the moment, these incidents are often the stories that elicit the most laughs at parties. We asked real moms, "What's the most inappropriate thing your child has said in public?" and the answers we got had us in tears.

Read through for 21 of the most hysterical responses we received.

  1. "My daughter was 2-years-old and told the cashier at the grocery store, 'Sometimes daddy pulls on mommy's nightgown and mommy says no.'" - Emily
  2. "When I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, we explained to my older daughter that mommy has a baby in her belly and daddy put it there. Well, she always wants to be just like mommy, so she started going around telling people she has a baby in her belly and her daddy put it there . . . " - Heather
  3. "Look, Mommy, that police has handcuffs like the ones in your bedroom!" - Ashley
  4. "I think my daughter was five when she said, 'Mommy has a hairy peepee,' at the Thanksgiving dinner table with my in-laws." - Heather

    Image Source: Giphy

  5. "My 3-year-old is asking everyone their name right now. He asked a lady sitting behind us at a high school football game, 'What's your name?' She answers him, 'Sharon, what's your name?' And he says, 'You have dirty teeth, Sharon'. I wanted to die." - Shelley
  6. "Drinking Coke makes you bleed from your penis." - Katie
  7. "We were eating dinner at a restaurant and my 4-year-old son holds his belly and says loudly, 'Mommy, my tummy hurts. I think I'm going to start my period!'" - Lola
  8. My 3-year-old daughter looked straight at a random man in Target and said, 'I have a vagina!'" - Jennifer
  9. "An old lady was talking to me and my son, and my son looked at me and said, 'Mom, is she going to die soon?'" - Jennifer

    Image Source: Relativity Media

  10. "I farted and poop came out. Mom, has that happened to you?" - Kim
  11. "Went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter and she told everyone that my titties were leaking because my titties were making milk for the new baby - then continued to talk about boobs." - Tasha
  12. "Took my kids to see Puss and Boots, and when lights dimmed and Puss appeared on the screen, my middle son screamed, 'It's pussy time!' The whole theater was cracking up - I laughed so hard I cried. - Glen
  13. "'Mom, that guy just totally checked out your butt!' This of course was said very loud in the deli department at my grocery store. He's ten." - Chrissy
  14. "My daughter quoted a line from Dumb and Dumber while a nurse was helping her use the restroom, 'Well, suck me sideways!'" - Cristi

    Image Source: TBS

  15. "My youngest yelled, 'I have the squirts!' as she came running down the grocery aisle with a squirt bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup." - Amy
  16. "My 4-year-old at Costco when when someone with a shopping cart was blocking the isle: Choose a lane, asshole!" - Yvonne
  17. "THERE ARE TESTICLES INSIDE MY SCROTUM!" - Susan
  18. "Shopping for hygiene products: 'Mom, are you getting deodorant or powder for your boob sweat?'" - Nikki
  19. "4-year-old son in a crowded deli: Mommy, please get your vagina out of my face!" - Kat
    Image Source: Giphy
  20. "I went into a very crowded restroom with my son once, and when he saw me sit on the toilet he yelled, 'Mama, go poop!'" - Shelby

And the winner - based purely on the amount of laughing tears that we cried - is this gem:

  1. "In an overly crowded, quiet elevator, my son, who was four at the time, asked an old lady who was smiling at him, 'What are you looking at, weirdo!?'" - Sara

Related: 21 Real-Life Moms on What Contractions Actually Feel Like



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