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vendredi 22 juin 2018

How 1 Small Tweak Gave Alia Shawkat the LGBTQ+ Film She REALLY Wanted to Make

When it comes to actor Alia Shawkat's sexuality, the past few years have been a revelation. Perhaps not in private; when we spoke on the phone in early June, she told me she's been aware of her own queerness for a long time. "I had always found myself attracted to women, but didn't know how to really make a move, for lack of a better word," she told me with a laugh. But her identity as a bisexual woman has only recently become a part of her career and public persona.

Despite dozens upon dozens of acting credits that stretch nearly 20 years, the queer aspect of Shawkat's art is relatively new. She's best known for playing Maeby Fünke in Arrested Development, Lila on Transparent, and Dory Sief on TBS's critical darling Search Party. Her handful of sexually fluid roles on screen include Dalia in 2013's May in the Summer, Jean in 2014's Wild Canary, Laura in 2015's Me Him Her, and Lola in 2016's The Intervention. She even played Ilana Glazer's look-alike lesbian lover for a single (glorious!) episode of Broad City.

Off the page, Shawkat's visibility as a bisexual woman is even fresher. She didn't officially come out until 2017 - not because she was afraid to, she tells me, but because no one had really asked her directly - when she casually mentioned her bisexuality in an interview with Out Magazine. "Now I consider myself bisexual," she said at the time, "and I think balancing my male and female energies has been a big part of me growing as an actor."

On June 30, Shawkat's new film, Duck Butter, will be available to stream on Netflix. Shawkat wrote, produced, and starred in the film, which seems to be her most brazen venture into the queer space yet. She stars as Naima opposite Sergio (Laia Costa); the two women meet in a bar and decide to spring ahead in their relationship by spending a full 24 hours together. In the earlier drafts of the script, though, the story didn't always play out in the same way. In fact, the original idea was meant to depict a supernova romance between a man and a woman. It wasn't until Shawkat began a deeper exploration of self in her personal life that the gender flip of her fictional love, Sergio, manifested as the best way to tell the story.

Shawkat has found herself in a powerful new position as the year rolls on, becoming a beacon of representation for queer women both on screen and in real life. For her, embodying queerness is all about nuance. It's not as simple as just putting queer women in stories, but figuring out more focused ways to depict them. It's not as basic as just being a bisexual, Arab-American woman in entertainment, but fostering spaces of safety, respect, and empowerment for others therein.

Just in time for LGBTQ+ Pride Month, we spoke to Shawkat about being public about her bisexuality, her delicate work on Duck Butter, and her continued efforts to honor the #MeToo movement in as many different ways as she can.

POPSUGAR: Last year, you casually came out in an interview with Out Magazine. Can you tell me more about that moment?

Alia Shawkat: It wasn't anything that I was preparing to announce, necessarily, in that interview. It was kind of the first time I was asked. It came up in a conversation about stories that I want to make, and how my personal life has started to become one and the same with who I represent in my work now. In that statement, I was saying, "As a woman, as someone who's bisexual, Arab-American, you know, these are all things that I want to be a part of my work now."

I'm not incredibly well-known, but when you're somewhat of a public figure, you're not aware of that aspect of it - that people would even be interested in that fact. So when I said that . . . it's interesting, like friends of mine were sending me photos. They're like, "Hey, congratulations." [Laughs] I'm like, "Oh, thanks." Not to make it sound flippant, but it wasn't something that I was gearing up [for], like, "When will I share this?"

PS: I don't think that sounds flippant at all. It's nice to be in a spot where it doesn't feel like a big deal.

AS: Oh, yeah. And you know, there's a lot to be said about the timing of my world and a society that allows it to be that way. I'm lucky to do a lot of work that lines up with that.

PS: Do you remember when the thought dawned on you? Like, "Wow, I think I might be bisexual."

AS: Yeah. I had always found myself attracted to women, but didn't know how to really make a move, for lack of a better word. I was like, "How does this actually happen? Maybe, I don't know." And then [it] kind of just happened with somebody. I remember there being the first time that I kissed a girl. I was excited by it, but also nervous, like, "Oh, how do I . . . I don't know, is there a set of different rules for anything?" And there definitely wasn't.

There was a time where I was like, "Maybe I'm gay." I really wasn't attracted to men for a while. A lot of my friends who were gay were like, "Yeah. You're gay. Come on." It became an ongoing process where I realized, "Oh, yeah. I'm attracted to both men and women." And it's changed, definitely, the way I date. And my relationships with people. It's been interesting: when you're bisexual, when you date somebody, how they react to that. They almost have a harder time with it than I ever have. So it's been definitely still a learning experience. Just on its own. Figuring out how to have good relationships and have sex. To be harmonious with relationships is something I'm still figuring out.

PS: Did your experience with being a public figure change at all after you came out?

AS: I've been very lucky [with] the lifestyle I have. And the people that I've gotten to meet. I've always been a part of a queer community.

I also was introduced to this whole new world because I had come out as bisexual . . . I got more attention from projects I did; there would be younger girls - I'd start to notice more attention from them. But also I think I start paying more attention to them as well, and people that I wanted to maybe make more art for. And be like, "Oh, this isn't obvious, but I really relate to young women discovering their sexuality." It's just a big theme in my life and in my work. It was kind of like we both started recognizing each other at the same time.

Image Source: The Orchard

PS: Which brings me to Duck Butter! I feel like you've done queer work before, but this definitely seems like a benchmark for you. And I'm wondering if you can talk about working on it?

AS: My really good friend Miguel Arteta and I were writing this project for like five years. But then the last year of that five, we just kind of kept hitting this same wall. The story still not really getting across. It was always the story about just two people and their relationship. And I didn't want it to be about gender norms, like, "Oh, men are like this and women are like that." And it just seemed like these characters were filling these spots, and we've seen so many stories just about a heterosexual man and a woman trying to figure it out.

And also in my life, I was in a relationship with a woman, and I was finding it hard to relate to the story. You know what I mean? I was like, "I'm both these characters at some point," and the person I was seeing was also both at some point.

Image Source: The Orchard

Something just wasn't clicking right, and then we met with this actress Laia Costa, Skyped with her for a smaller role. We told her the concept of the film and that we were also going to be shooting the 24-hour segment, which is most of the film, in 24 hours.

She was so into the idea of shooting this concept, she was like, "I'll do the part, but I still want to be there in the 24 hours, just to see how you guys do it." And when she said that, Miguel and I were like, "That's the most Sergio thing I've ever heard." And then it just simplified so many things. It also simplified a lot of the sex. It just physically made more sense that these girls can cum many times than with having a penis ejaculate. Even though the film has a lot of sex, in my opinion, it's still not a very sexualized movie, you know? Because it shows different kinds of sex instead of just lusty, hot sex.

PS: You've made it clear that this is more about two people connecting than it is a queer story. But I'm wondering if you found that it sort of embodied any important part of the LGBTQ+ experience?

AS: It's a story about two people, but it still is a queer story. It's about two women who fall for each other. Even through deciding to make it a woman, part of it was also me coming to terms on a personal level. I haven't really verbalized this before, but I was realizing that there was maybe more of the story I wasn't ready to tell, having been so used to dating men. Being like, "Oh right. Well, this is how I tell the story because all my experiences were more with men." And then, all of the sudden, I had started dating women, but that was still newer in my life.

Image Source: The Orchard

It was almost like life intermixed with fiction, or the other way around. And I almost couldn't see it, because it was right in front of me. I was like, "Wait a second. The story you want to tell more is about two women. You're not wanting to tell the story about you and those guys. It's not about the past. It's about you." So by allowing it, I was accepting a part of myself.

But for me, in the realm of the queer community and storytelling, something that was important to me was having a queer story that doesn't comment on society. The film takes place in these very specific environments.

I wanted to tell the story from this specific perspective where it's normal, because that's how I felt in my world, for the most part. When I'm with my friends, we're not addressing the fact that we're gay. We just are.

By sharing something that was maybe a little more personal to me, by making it about two women, that can help young girls (and young boys, too) by being like, "Hey. This doesn't have to be so scary."

PS: I want to take a moment to talk about your recent Broadly interview, where you shared additional thoughts about that difficult Arrested Development cast interview with The New York Times. I found it so powerful that you were able to circle back on the moment. What has the response been like since the interview came out?

AS: Thank you. I appreciate that. There are times where I'm like, "OK. Well, I'll maybe just carry on with my life and not look at my phone so much." But it was important to me to feel like, to a degree, there was some closure from that whole time in life. I mean, I'm on and off social media. So far, everything is seen as a positive to the people in my life who read it. Obviously supportive and happy that I said it. But it was really mainly just for me to make it clear to the people involved, to just be like, "That's my final word on this. Let's move on."

PS: As you move forward, do you intend to continue these conversations surrounding the #MeToo movement? Are you taking extra care to ensure mutual respect in future work environments?

AS: Definitely. I mean, mutual respect, you'd think, is something that someone shouldn't have to be made of aware of, right? Like, "Yeah. Mutual respect. Don't we have that?" Physically, emotionally, intellectually . . . There are just many different sides of how we need to really have change.

"You've got to get everyone's perspectives and everyone's talent, and together you make the best product because of that. Everyone's working together. So for me, the most productive stories and sets are the most diverse groups."

So, it's important for me, on a one-step-at-a-time kind of level. Any set I'm on - especially on my set, in the future, wanting to direct - I think it's important to have representation on all ends on a set. I was just talking about this to my brother today. Not to get too deep about it, but when you think about societies, and even countries, and certain religions, and stuff, they keep out all these groups of people, right?

PS: Yes. Absolutely.

AS: They're like, "Well, if you're not this, then you can't be a part of it." And I'm like, "Well, your country is going to fail, because you're not getting the biggest group of people." You've got to get everyone's perspectives and everyone's talent, and together you make the best product because of that. [A film set] is a microcosm of society to a degree. Everyone's like, "I'll do the makeup," or they're like, "I've got the lights," and you're like, "I'll get the script." Everyone's working together.

For me, the most productive stories and sets are the most diverse groups. So I think that's a huge part of it. And then, obviously, communication. My mom always used to say, "The fish stinks at the head." Which means, well, it works on a set, too. It permeates, the smell permeates throughout the rest of the body of the fish. So when you have a leader who's patient, and kind, and listens to people and hears them, and treats the people with real respect, that's the tone that's set.

Therefore, if anything else falls out of that line, it's unacceptable. And ideally, they wouldn't be on that set anymore because of it. So it's really about - not in a hippy-dippy way - but it is about energy.

PS: Even that, even the decision to be inclusive and diverse as possible, and the insistence on just mutual respect, that's powerful. It doesn't have to be a conversation about respecting women or LGBTQ+ people. It's just about mutual respect.

AS: Yeah. And I think we have to remind ourselves. Like I said before, I think we get almost too accustomed to, like, "Well, you know I think you're great." It's like, no. We have to set that. I think people are scared - it's not about it being so overly expressive of emotions. You could sense it from the way you're interacting with each other. Just, like, introducing yourself to everybody on set, everybody knowing each other. Things like that don't happen on sets a lot. There's a hierarchy. So, therefore, certain roles of power get too powerful and it starts to feel really imbalanced.

So, that one person, even if their job is a PA who gets you water, and you're the number one actor on the set, I don't care. That doesn't mean you could yell at the person to get you the water or embarrass them or say some kind of innuendo or whatever. I think there's lots of rules that are set for artists because they're like, "Well, I have my own process." And it's like, all right, whatever your process is. But it can't involve being disrespectful, or any kind of abuse. Because that's just not worth making it.

Image Source: Getty / Phillip Faraone

PS: In the past, you've been open about your Arab-American heritage. Do you see yourself exploring this side of your identity, or do you feel more compelled to express your sexuality? Or both?

AS: It's something that I'm creatively trying to work through as we speak. I mean, I'm American. I was born and raised here. But my father was born in Iraq, and my mother was here. He feels more American in some ways than he does Iraqi. He's been here for so long, and he loves it here. And, weirdly, as the first generation as his kid, I'm more like, "We've got to go back there. We got to tell your story," especially with the way that Muslims in America are being viewed. And Arabs in general in the media. There's a real lack of honest representation.

I want to try to understand how I'm more connected as a whole by being queer, and Arab-American, and a girl, and a human. All these things. And trying to make a story that's entertaining and simple to a degree by being able to show that.

I think that for Arab-Americans and Muslim-Americans, our time is definitely coming. I really hope a lot more stories are told in that perspective. And I just hope to be a part of that a little bit.

These Lightweight Carry-Ons Will Make Traveling a Breeze This Summer

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

No one wants to be the overpacker who is stuck lugging a heavy suitcase through the airport. It's easier said than done, but packing light is totally possible. Editing your wardrobe and rolling things into perfect tube shapes to maximize space takes some practice, but once you have these hacks down, you're ready to roll. All you need is a lightweight carry-on. We rounded up a list of our favorites, so all you have to do is shop. Find your perfect match ahead.

Koko the Gorilla Has Died, but We'll Always Remember Her Magical Meeting With Mister Rogers

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

Koko the gorilla has died at age 46. The great ape passed away in her sleep on June 19, The Gorilla Foundation announced. Koko's childlike curiosity and exceptional intelligence made her world-famous. Koko used sign-language to communicate, loved to be read to and to paint, and helped forever alter the way humans thought about the inner lives of animals.

Given her many talents, Koko became a celebrity in her own right and met plenty of famous people during her life. But perhaps one of her most endearing celebrity encounters was with Mister Rogers. Their interaction is captured in the new documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor. During their meeting, Koko told Mister Rogers "I love you," inquired about his cufflinks, and embraced the beloved TV icon. You can also watch clips of their heartwarming meeting above and here:

The Gorilla Foundation echoed the sentiments of millions around the world in its statement about Koko's death, saying, "She was beloved and will be deeply missed."

This New Mom Is Applying to Jobs With Her Baby - Here's Why Companies Should Take Her Seriously

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

On a typical weekday, Meesha Chang is doing what countless other New Yorkers in between jobs do: endlessly perusing LinkedIn and other sites for open positions, her laptop like an inanimate appendage. Her last job, a highly coveted creative consultant position within the cultural department of a tech giant, is almost certain to attract the attention of most hiring managers. However, there is one significant detail in her application that she knows could repel some potential employers: her 5-month-old baby, Lucia.

Lucia is Chang's daughter with her fiancé, John. Round-cheeked and wide-eyed, the infant is a pleasure at home - but what about in the next cubicle over?

For the past two months, Chang has been applying to any and every position that matches her vast qualifications, but unlike her competition, she's applying with Lucia in tow. Her ideal plan is to bring her infant daughter with her to her new office every day. "I'm being very transparent about my situation," she explains. "Lucia's name has equal billing on my résumé." She even lists her daughter's qualifications - "quiet, observant nature and positive attitude" - on her résumé and in her cover letter in hopes that companies will see Lucia as not just a caveat, but an asset. She's even brought Lucia along to interviews, once in person and once over Skype, with the newborn cooing in the background. The hiring managers greeted Lucia awkwardly, unsure of what to make of the mother-daughter duo, Chang recalls.

This may seem like a pretty unconventional, maybe even bizarre, strategy for job hunting, but in Chang's view, there's no viable alternative. She prioritizes her career and motherhood equally, and she doesn't feel it's fair to have to choose between the two. "One of the most challenging things about becoming a mom for me is figuring out what kind of mom I am and can be to my child," Chang says. "I always thought I would be the kind of mom to get straight back to work. Having a child now has changed everything." For her, that means bringing her baby to work, which, to her, is not such an outlandish request.

Chang is fully aware that she is fortunate to work in a field that could accommodate babies at work and senior enough in her career that she feels comfortable making certain demands of potential employers. And she is more than grateful to have John, who helps with both baby and financial duties, while she job hunts. "I know not everyone is in this position," she acknowledges.

"We are told over and over that women can't have it all, can't be present parents and have a great career. This is not because it's impossible; it's because we don't have systems in place to provide that life."

There are parents who don't have the luxury of requesting such policies and who have to shoulder all responsibilities alone, but Chang hopes that her advocacy for babies-at-work programs will be the first step in shifting the standard in favor of more parent-friendly policies in general.

"Part of why I am pushing for companies to accommodate babies at work is so that more parents have choices in the future," she says. "We are told over and over that women can't have it all, can't be present parents and have a great career. This is not because it's impossible; it's because we don't have systems in place to provide that life."

What ends up happening, Chang points out, is women leave the workforce to care for their newborns and oftentimes don't come back for years or even decades (she refers to Lori Hill, a software developer who took a break from her career to raise her kids and reentered the workforce after 22 years). This contributes to what many experts refer to as a "brain drain" in the US workforce and economy. If only companies could see this larger picture, she says, maybe then they would be more open to more parent-friendly policies.

Since Lucia's birth, Chang has applied to a wide range of positions, from established companies to brand-new start-ups, and even a weeklong stint as the mayor of Danzhai Wanda Village in Southwest China. As expected, the responses have been mixed, but some companies have been surprisingly receptive. "I think it opens people's minds and makes them think backwards and forwards, reflecting back on their childhood and mother," Chang says, "as well as envisioning what kind of workplaces will exist in the future." One aspect of a mother-baby team she tries to emphasize to prospective employers is the symbiotic relationship between loving mother and industrious worker. "I feel my new skills as a mom are transferable," she says. "Why not have the next step in my career path work with, rather than against, my new role and instincts?"

Though she has not received an offer just yet, Chang remains undeterred. "I live by the philosophy 'where there is a will, there is a way,'" she says. "And I want to be with Lucia as much as possible during this critical time. I am a better person because of her and with her."

Babies at Work Are Becoming More Common

Chang is not alone. For at least the last decade, a burgeoning movement advocating for bringing babies to work has been taking shape and gaining momentum. Though the practice is still very much a fledgling one, forward-thinking companies - such as advertising agency T3 and PR firm Vanguard Communications - are starting to catch on to the value of bringing babies into the workplace.

According to the Parenting in the Workplace Institute (PIWI), which provides resources and best-practice guidelines for implementing babies-at-work policies, more than 200 businesses in the US have adopted such policies. Founded in 2007 by Carla Moquin, the PIWI has helped dozens of companies implement babies-at-work programs.

"There is a disparity between what people expect when they think about having babies in a work environment compared to what well-structured baby programs actually look like in practice," Moquin explains. Once a company observes the overwhelming benefits, she says, "they are typically eager to make the policy permanent."

Moquin knows firsthand how valuable and life-changing these programs can be for new parents - and that many moms and dads don't have the financial and social privileges Chang has when it comes to forcing an employer's hand. In fact, Moquin herself had to return to work when each of her daughters were less than 5 weeks old.

How It Works

So how does a babies-at-work program work exactly? With PIWI's help, a company starts by implementing a short-term pilot program, a month-long "experimentation" that determines what a long-term policy might look like. "Once a pilot program is in place and companies see how well it works," Moquin says, "it is extremely rare for a company not to move forward with a permanent policy."

PIWI also offers a downloadable template, which outlines a recommended checklist of things to consider, like eligibility parameters, waivers and agreement forms to complete, and rules for the parent to adhere to.

At Badger, a family-owned company that makes organic bodycare products, employees request to participate in the program and are reviewed on a case-by-case basis. To date, the company has been fortunate to make the program work for every employee who has requested to participate. When an employee is approved, other logistical arrangements are put into place, such as a meeting room designated to easily be converted into an office/nursery, a separate room set up specifically for mothers to breastfeed or pump, and designated voluntary, alternate caregivers within Badger for those times the parent needs a break or needs to attend a meeting.

As for Chang's ideal setup, she envisions a small space in the office not too far from her desk where her baby can play and sleep that would be private enough for nursing or pumping. But since Lucia loves being "in the mix," Chang hopes she can also keep her even closer, perhaps in her carrier under an adjustable standing desk, as she suggests. If there are important meetings where a baby's presence might not be appropriate, having an onsite sitter like the ones at Badger would be the perfect solution. And while Chang believes in the value of working closely with her work team, she also knows that a flexible work-from-home policy would be immensely helpful for any new mom.

In Moquin's experience, these programs are adopted and integrated as seamlessly as any other company policy. It typically takes a week or two of sharing the office with their baby for the parent to find their "rhythm." "This is aided by the emotional and logistical support that most coworkers are eager to provide once they find themselves bonding with the babies," she says.

The Concrete Benefits to Baby-Friendly Offices

While parents might be the ones overwhelmingly pushing for baby-friendly policies, data suggest that companies see tangible benefits to instituting those policies, too. According to Moquin, here are some of the ways babies at work can help businesses:

Increasing retention
Encouraging employees to voluntarily return to work earlier, which saves the business money
Increasing employee morale and loyalty, not just for the parents but for their coworkers as well, making employee recruitment easier
Increasing teamwork and collaboration due to the presence of the babies and the social dynamics they create

Several organizations with similar programs have witnessed nearly identical results. Badger has seen the benefits of babies at work firsthand and cannot envision running their business any other way. "We've seen higher morale, increased engagement, and greater loyalty among employees," says Dee Fitzgerald, Badger's Marketing & PR Manager. "Parents feel supported and come to work knowing they are embraced by a community that sees them as a whole person and cares for their well-being."

While there are inevitably going to be a few downsides, namely the occasional distraction of a crying baby, the list is minuscule compared to the benefits. "Our experience so far has been that the benefits far outweigh the concerns or inconveniences." Plus, Fitzgerald exclaims, "It's the right thing to do!"

The Nevada State Health Division, which first introduced its program in 2009, noted increased productivity, improved morale, and better communication with no formal complaints. The NSHD's program was so successful it inspired other organizations in the state, like the Nevada Department of Health and Human Services and Nevada Child and Family Services, to adopt babies-at-work policies of their own.

According to a report by Society of Human Resource Management, who interviewed Virginia architectural design firm Peck, Peck & Associates on its babies-at-work program, the increase in retention is a standout benefit. "We've had people who were offered jobs [elsewhere] but stayed with us because of this," founder Dianne Peck told SHRM.

Curious companies, if you're reading this, perhaps one particular benefit should be underlined: not only do these programs cost very little, or virtually nothing, to implement, they will actually save you money.

"If your company has an open-door policy and is invested in the well-being of its employees," Fitzgerald says, "it is a relatively easy benefit to implement with little cost and a high return." She also emphasizes that such programs are powerful recruiting tools, which saves the company money in the long run. The NSHD made a similar note in its report, calling the program a "minimal investment as long as clear expectations and rules are in place."

But families benefit too, as Moquin notes:

Parents can be present for those critical first six months of their baby's life
Parents and babies don't have to experience the trauma of separating in those very vulnerable early months
Parents face lower daycare costs/more financial stability
Breastfeeding opportunities for moms increase

Chang hopes to highlight this multitude of benefits each time she applies to a job with Lucia, who she calls "a natural Chief Happiness Officer."

Advice For Parents Who Want to Bring Their Baby to Work

As of press time, Chang is still job searching for the right position and company that will allow her to fulfill her dual roles as mother and creative whiz. She always knew that it might be trickier to apply as a "package deal," but she remains "hopeful and curious about the outcome." In the meantime, both Moquin and Fitzgerald offer invaluable advice to new moms like Chang.

"For a new mom applying to jobs, we recommend asking the hiring manager or HR representative what kinds of family-friendly benefits they offer and if babies at work would be something they would consider providing in the future," Fitzgerald says. "If the answer is 'yes,' then you know that the company culture is family-friendly and its leadership team places a high value on the happiness and well-being of its employees."

Moquin's advice is more practical. "For new moms who already have a baby and are looking for jobs, we actually recommend that they focus on flexible or work-from-home jobs unless they have a potential employer that is already eager to implement a baby program," she advises, acknowledging that not all moms can afford the luxury of a lengthy job search for an office that fulfills all their asks. "It can take weeks to months to convince a company to implement a program."

But Chang isn't giving up on finding a full-time job in an office environment. She has a newfound tenacity bolstered by her tiny teammate. "Babies are just everything," she says. "Babies represent new hopes, new aspirations." And if that means making the case for bringing Lucia to work knowing most companies will reject the very notion, she will do it, because she genuinely believes in the value of working alongside her daughter.

"As a team," Chang wrote in one cover letter, "we can bring positive energy and change to almost any situation we encounter, and would love to bring it to you."

30+ Matching Tattoos For Couples Who Want to Make a Small Statement

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

Getting matching tattoos with your significant other is always a nerve-wracking decision, but if you truly love someone, it's totally worth it! You don't have to get a giant tattoo to prove your eternal affection; we found 37 tiny (and adorable) ink ideas that are perfect for you and your boo.

16 Inspiring Quotes From Some of Today's Incredible LGBTQ+ Trailblazers

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

This year, we at POPSUGAR decided to commemorate LGBTQ+ Pride Month with a new project called "Take Pride". The series of profiles aims to shine a spotlight on 16 prolific individuals in the LGBTQ+ community who are changing the game in entertainment, activism, politics, wellness, beauty, the arts, and more. As we conducted our interviews with visionaries like Janet Mock, Adam Rippon, and Karamo Brown, we got so many nuggets of wisdom that we couldn't help but turn the powerful words into beautiful graphics.

Without further ado, here are a bunch of fantastic "Take Pride" quotes that will certainly make everything just a little bit brighter. And if you want to read the full stories, don't worry - we've dropped in a link to each one, just for you.

My Ex Cheated, Told Me on Our Anniversary, and Left Me on Our Vacation

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

Dear Ex Who Cheated,

It was the middle of Summer, and we were on a whirlwind two-month vacation across multiple destinations. Our current location: Aruba. We were celebrating our five-year anniversary, and all the milestones life had recently presented us. I had just graduated college, you had just gotten promoted at work. I had just become an aunt, you had just become an uncle. I had just turned down an out-of-state dream job to remain local, you had not. (And, yes, I was THAT girl).

Infidelity is one of the few events I thought I'd never experience with you, let alone write about, and that was because we shared an inherent level of depth and an unbelievable connection. You were my best friend in every sense of the two-word combination . . . that was until infidelity became an uninvited guest in our relationship.

You know the story of our five-year relationship. You were there. You know the story of our breakup. You were there. What you don't know is the aftermath of what you caused, and that is the story I'm here to tell today, because while you were not there, so many others have been. So, this letter is for anyone who has ever been cheated on, as much as it is for you.

It was the last leg of our vacation and just like every day that preceded that one, I rose with the sun, ran two miles, and headed back to our hotel room. There was one difference about that day: it was our five-year anniversary.

I noticed your suitcase was packed, your shoes were on, and your face was solemn when we still had two weeks of our vacation left.

I returned to a scene of you setting down a pen next to a notepad on the room desk. At first, I thought you were writing me a note since I had left you an anniversary letter on the pillow next to you before leaving that morning. But then I noticed your suitcase was packed, your shoes were on, and your face was solemn when we still had two weeks of our vacation left.

Before I could fully understand the scenario playing out, you sat me down, said you had cheated, said you were leaving, and asked if I had any questions. Did I have any questions?! You were leaving, and it was going to be right then and there, but I couldn't speak. I didn't realize this might be the only time I get to ask questions, to discuss it, to get closure. I tried with all my might, yet I couldn't muster up the ability to speak.

So, you left me, and I continued to sit there silently.

Readers: I know what you're thinking, did I see this coming? What happened next? Did we ever speak again? Did I go home by myself?

For starters, I became very familiar with the hotel room. You see, when you left, you also left with my boarding pass. It took me a couple days to figure out the logistics to get home, and I spent the entire time in the room. I can tell you the exact number of flowers the room curtains had on them, the decor of the bedding, and the color of the ceiling, I can also tell you that the anniversary letter I left for you was unopened and the notepad you left was blank.

I spent those couple of days asking myself why this happened and wondering how things would have played out if I had come back just a few minutes later. Would you have left without speaking to me? Would the notepad had been filled with an explanation? Would it have made a difference if I hadn't gone running that morning? Would you have told me before making up your mind to pack and leave? But none of that really mattered, and, like you, eventually I left the room and never returned.

This was the first time I had ever boarded a plane without saying a word. I went through security, I scanned my boarding pass, I was greeted by cheerful flight attendants, I took my seat on a full flight, I said nothing and also failed miserably at trying to pull my facial muscles into anything that could remotely resemble a smile.

Somehow on a plane of a hundred people, I was finding myself feeling the loneliest I ever had.

Somehow on a plane of a hundred people, I was finding myself feeling the loneliest I ever had. There's nothing like a 10-hour flight by yourself to leave you to your thoughts. I found myself staring at the empty seat next to me. The seat you belonged in. And almost as quickly as you left that hotel room, the empty seat vanished as an older gentleman took it and sat down next to me.

The flight home was stormy and turbulent. When it got bad, the gentleman turned to me and said, "Don't worry, this turbulence will pass as soon as we're out of the storm, just like good ol' life." He laughed and for the first time since you left, I did too. Not because his joke was funny, but because he was choosing to share a moment of his life with me, and it gave me back a little perspective (which I had lost a couple days prior) that life was good. Him and I spent a good amount of time talking to each other. Thank you, Michael*. While you didn't know about my current state of mind on that flight, your company meant more to me than you will ever know. It reminded me that pain, even when caused by infidelity, is just like a storm. There is an end, and it will eventually pass.

Once home, I thought about how I was never defined by one person but rather a collection of discoveries, experiences, family, friends, and beliefs, all of which I would continue to hold close as I worked through this breakup and rebuilt the pieces you left so devastatingly shattered. The thing about rebuilding is sometimes the end result is even more beautiful than what stood prior.

We never saw each other or spoke again. After we broke up, my friends and family asked what I would say or ask you if I ever got the chance. For a long while, I didn't know what that answer was or if there should even be an answer. But today, I know, and it's very simple: thank you for giving me quite a story to tell.

Signed,

The Loyal One Who Finally Found Her Voice

*Names have been changed for privacy.

The Top 10 Travel Destinations of 2018

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

If there's one resolution you actually commit to in 2018, let it be travel. It may not be your typical fitness or organization-oriented goal, but it can make you richer in terms of self-growth, new experiences, and even personal happiness. And all of that is far more valuable than any annual goal you usually make.

With endless sources of travel inspiration available, figuring out where to go next is the toughest part. But we've eliminated all the hard work for you, so that all that's left for you to do is choose. From rising hot spots to destinations you never knew existed, these are the top 10 places to travel to in 2018.

Where will you go?

1. Boracay, Philippines

This small island in the central Philippines only spans four and a half miles long, but you'll find that to be plenty when you see all the natural beauty Boracay has to offer. Navigate the mini paradise via bike and spend your stay sunbathing on White Beach, collecting puka shells on Yapak, or sipping on cocktails while the sun goes down and fire dancers come out.

2. Ljubljana, Slovenia Reminiscent of Amsterdam's famous canals while blending Mediterranean, German, and Slovenian culture, Ljubljana is a beautiful combination of old and new. The Ljubljanica River divides the capital's Old Town from its commercial Center district, marked by the city's most iconic landmark, the Triple Bridge. You'll find it difficult to not fall in love, as Ljubljana boasts as much charm and wonderful architecture as it does museums, outdoor cafes, green landscapes, and rich history. 3. Ninh Binh, Vietnam

While most travelers flock to Hanoi, Vietnam's majestic rural side in the Red River Delta is sometimes overlooked. However, as more people begin to recognize Ninh Binh's serene landscapes as a reason to add it to their itineraries, it's only a matter of time until the northern area becomes the next popular place to be. With its limestone cliffs, temples, lush green valleys, and hiking trails and caves, this province easily takes a top spot.

4. Sucre, BoliviaBolivia's capital is known for its whitewashed buildings and colonial architecture, but there's also plenty more to do and see. The historic city of Sucre offers a number of museums, cathedrals, and landmarks, including its main square, Plaza 25 de Mayo, and Casa de la Libertad - and it's also home to one of the largest sets of dinosaur footprints in the world.5. Seoul, South Korea Seoul is where pop culture, technology, and tradition blend. You'll see both fashion-forward streetwear and traditional hanboks, skyscrapers and Buddhist temples, street markets and made-for-Instagram cafes. Its high-tech subways also allow easy access to neighboring cities in case you want to explore past South Korea's capital. Spend your mornings palace hopping and tea sipping at Insadong, and then see the city come to life from the N Seoul Tower. You'll never find yourself short of things to do.6. Essaouira, Morocco

Travelers who prefer the slow pace of a coastal town over a bustling and dense city will be entranced by Essaouira. Known as a port and resort center, Africa's windy city is as popular for windsurfing and kitesurfing as it is for pure relaxation. Walk along its beaches and through the vibrant medina, browse the boutiques, check out the catch of the day at the fish port, and more. And if you're looking for a little more hustle, Marrakech is only a bus ride away.

7. Zadar, Croatia Consider taking a holiday along Croatia's Dalmatian coast where you're more likely to find less crowds than at Dubrovnik and Split. The seaside city is rich with culture, history, and romance; equally known for its Roman and Venetian ruins and stunning sunsets. Once you get your fill of landmarks, churches, and cathedrals, head east of Old Town over to Kolovare Beach for bars and restaurants or offshore at Kornati National Park for diving and snorkeling. You can't leave Zadar without marveling at the musical Sea Organ, either.8. Upolu, Samoa

This paradisal island in Samoa is home to everything you want: lush rainforest, lagoons, dramatic waterfalls, idyllic beaches, the international airport, and much, much more. Dive into the Instagram-famous To Sua Ocean Trench, surf and fish along the coast year-round, or indulge at restaurants and bars in Samoa's capital city, Apia, before heading back to Upolu's sleepier parts.

9. Tbilisi, Georgia Georgia's capital is far from ordinary. Visitors are able to witness the modernization of Tbilisi since its time under Persian and Russian rule, as well as older reminders scattered throughout its diverse architecture. Not too far from the plazas, five-star hotels, bars and clubs, and museums remain small shops and quaint living. At Old Town, you'll find ancient cobblestoned roads, and winding lanes, while the rest of the city is gradually coming into its own, neither distinctly Western or Eastern. Travelers will find themselves captivated by this eclectic and multi-ethnic and multicultural destination that's truly unlike any other.10. Mallorca, Spain The Mediterranean's shining gem is loved by many for good reason. The island's breathtaking coasts, aqua-blue waters, and postcard coves are just a few appeals. Mallorca (Majorca) did inspire Chopin and other musicians, artists, and writers, after all. Maybe it'll be the picturesque villages, the cuisine, the architecture, the mountainous landscape, the beaches, or the nightlife that seduces you. Whatever it is, prepare to extend your stay.

This Incredible Harry Potter Wedding Had a Sorting Ceremony, Floating Candles, and More

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

Harry Potter fans, brace yourselves for a magical wedding that won't disappoint. The amazing team at Crosby + Jon Design were able to perfectly execute an elegant Harry Potter-themed wedding without any cheesy details. It wasn't an easy task to bring the wizarding world to life for Cindy and Matthew's big day. As huge fans of the franchise, the bride and groom also had a hand in making their wedding as authentic as possible.

When it came to the venue, choosing the right location was critical to setting the scene. To emulate Hogwarts, the design team decided on the Hollywood Castle up in the hills of Los Angeles. But the stone walls and lush garden wouldn't be enough to create an otherworldly wedding. They included long tables reminiscent of the Great Hall with table runners made out of the series' book pages - each table setting even included chocolate frogs! Gold and burgundy were, of course, incorporated throughout the reception.

Upon arrival on the day of the wedding, each guest was called to their respective Hogwarts house (reception table) in a "Sorting Ceremony." Everyone also found their very own wand waiting for them on their seat. A Honeydukes sweets bar was available to enjoy, but the best surprise of all was during Cindy and Matt's first dance. Guests moved from the outdoor celebration to inside the castle where a hundred "floating candles" greeted them above the dance floor. Magical doesn't even do this wedding justice.

See their incredible photos!

18 Books to Fuel Your Wanderlust

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

If you suffer from acute wanderlust, and you're constantly trying to find ways to fit another trip into your schedule, then you might be addicted to traveling. No matter where the wind blows you, it's good to bring a good book along for the ride - one that will inspire you, challenge you, and make you even more excited about every new adventure. Here are 18 books, both fiction and nonfiction, that will get you in the mood to jet off to another new place, as if you needed any more convincing!

The Opioid Epidemic's Biggest Culprit Isn't Heroin Anymore - It's Something Deadlier

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

Part of a series of images Jessica* created with photographer John Trew to portray the emotions associated with addiction. Photo courtesy of John Trew.

Update, Jan. 22, 2017: We are saddened to report that Andrew*'s wife confirmed to POPSUGAR that he passed away from an opioid overdose, just days before Christmas. Before his death, Andrew shared with us his goal of one day operating his own long-term treatment facility for recovering opioid addicts in the Stark County, OH, area. If you would like to help provide more access to long-term and residential treatment for those battling addiction where you live, you may do so by donating to the Salvation Army's Combat Addiction initiative.

Original story:
Andrew*, an HVAC engineer, looks better than your average 37-year-old, college-educated man from Canton, OH. Clean-shaven, wearing a fitted maroon polo shirt and black dress pants. Athletic. Energetic. Flirtatious.

He sits on the patio of a local restaurant, sipping his cocktail, skimming the menu at the kind of place you take your kids to after soccer practice.

"Yesterday I had one glass of wine, today I had two. Tomorrow, I don't know," Andrew says, both hands cupped around a sweaty vodka-soda with lime. "But it's not heroin."

But it wasn't heroin two weeks earlier, either, when the husband and father of three woke up on the floor of his sober-living house to six men shaking him. They told him it took two doses of Narcan, an opioid blocker, to revive him after he overdosed on carfentanil for the sixth time this year.

It wasn't heroin, because if you ask drug users, people in recovery, medical personnel, and law enforcement, they'll tell you that drug has all but dried up in the state of Ohio, a state leading the country in fatal opioid overdoses, according to the Centers For Disease Control.

If it were heroin, it would've been made from morphine, which is derived from naturally occurring opium.

Andrew, 37, looks out from the patio at a restaurant in Canton, OH, on Aug. 18. Photo courtesy Stephanie Haney.

Carfentanil - a synthetic form of fentanyl - is generally used to sedate very large animals, like elephants, and it's 10,000 times stronger than morphine. It's the new drug of choice for those manufacturing and selling illicit drugs in the Buckeye State, which was home to a record-setting 4,149 accidental deaths due to fatal overdoses in 2016.

Fentanyl itself is another popular option. The drug is "50 to 100 times more potent" than morphine, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse. Oftentimes, drug users don't realize they aren't getting quite what they bargained for until it's too late.

Andrew noticed the switch about six months ago, when he started "falling out" - or losing consciousness - after doses he had previously considered normal.

"I was shooting up all day, every day," he said, as he stretched out his arms to show dark bruises where his veins had collapsed under his skin. And then finally, one day, he overdosed.

The casual observer probably would never know that Andrew was battling opioid addiction at this very moment, but the crisis that's hit America hard doesn't discriminate.

Drug overdose deaths have now become the leading cause of accidental deaths in the US with 52,404 fatalities in 2015, according to the American Society of Addiction Medicine; 33,091 of those deaths, which equates to more than six out of 10, involved an opioid.

And it's getting worse. While official numbers aren't in yet, a New York Times preliminary report has the total number of drug overdose deaths for 2016 at more than 59,000, which it described as "the largest annual jump ever recorded in the United States."

Addiction started for Andrew in 2009, when he started taking his mother's oxycodone, which she had been prescribed after a medical procedure - he says because he "didn't want her taking all of that." He also had a longstanding Adderall prescription added to the mix.

His opioid and Adderall abuse went undetected by his wife until the Summer of 2016, when she noticed he was running out of the ADHD drug before the end of the month. After she made a call to his doctor, his prescription was revoked, and Andrew turned to cocaine. The way he tells it, his wife got fed up, took their kids, and left him, and one week later, he was shooting up heroin.

What Can We Do to Stop the Epidemic?

It's not that uncommon of a story, and it can happen to anybody. President Donald Trump addressed that issue in his press briefing from New Jersey on Aug. 8.

"Nobody is safe from this epidemic that threatens young and old, rich and poor, urban and rural communities," he said. "Everybody is threatened."

But what's debatable is Trump's view that amping up incarceration is the answer to the problem. In the same briefing, he pledged to increase federal drug prosecutions and implied he'd fight to lengthen sentences for convicted federal drug offenders. This is in stark contrast to the Obama administration's approach to dealing with drug users.

Two days later, Trump told reporters in New Jersey, "The opioid crisis is an emergency, and I'm saying officially, right now, it is an emergency. We're going to draw it up and we're going to make it a national emergency. It is a serious problem, the likes of which we have never had."

What methods the Trump administration will ultimately employ to combat the epidemic aren't exactly certain at this time.

What we do know is that his comments about "upping federal prosecutions" were made despite a preliminary report issued on July 31 by his Commission on Combating Drug Addiction and the Opioid Crisis. The report almost exclusively recommended addressing shortcomings in access to treatment for addicts, along with prescription drug reform and stopping the influx of synthetic opioids (like fentanyl and carfentanil) from other countries, like China.

That approach is more in line with what people who are living in the throes of the epidemic think would be helpful.

Incarceration Doesn't Work For Everyone

One of those people is Tugg Massa, 42, from Akron, OH. He's a recovering addict and founder of Akron Say No to Dope, a nonprofit organization that serves Summit County, where as many as 250 people died last year from drug overdoses. Those deaths were largely attributed to the introduction of carfentanil in the area in June and July of 2016, according to Ohio.com.

Both fentanyl and carfentanil are a whole lot cheaper on the street than morphine and heroin, he explained, which is why they're being cut with anything and everything people use to get high - usually unbeknownst to the drug user.

"It's not like it was when I was growing up," Tugg said. "Not to glorify drug use of any kind, but it's a lot more dangerous now. It's not heroin. Heroin won't even get the people out there using drugs high anymore because this fentanyl and carfentanil are so strong."

He knows what he's talking about, as someone who used drugs for 27 years. Tugg's been sober since Oct. 10, 2012, the day he was arrested for illegal manufacturing of methamphetamines.

Tugg Massa, 42, checks the call log for Akron Say No to Dope's 24/7 helpline from his organization's thrift store and boutique in Akron, OH, on Aug. 14. Photo courtesy Stephanie Haney.

When Tugg got caught, he was making meth to support his own opioid habit. He spent two years in prison for that charge, where, despite his surroundings, he got clean and earned his GED.

"It was difficult," he said of his time there. "There's a lot of drugs in prison. I had a drug dealer on one side of my cell and a drug dealer in the other cell next to me."

Although he successfully overcame his addiction while incarcerated, he feels strongly that being locked up is not for everyone. Instead, Tugg is a major advocate for drug court, where people get the option of undergoing treatment in lieu of conviction. That means if they make it through a 12-month program, their convictions are dropped.

Treatment Is Crucial - When the Timing Is Right

Sheriff Steve Leahy of Clermont County, OH, generally agrees with Tugg about the need for more access to treatment, but also says it needs to be worked hand in hand with the judicial system.

"You can't throw everybody's ass in jail," he said. "But what you also can't do is hug your way out of it."

Sheriff Leahy speaks from experience as both a member of law enforcement and someone who has witnessed firsthand a loved one's battle against opioid addiction. His ex-wife's struggles gave him valuable insight into what might work in his community.

He points out that some people simply aren't responsive to treatment, possibly because they're not ready for it at that point in their addiction.

"I think there are just some people who do need to be in jail or incarcerated. Maybe because they're selling as a pusher or they are committing crimes and burglaries and other felonies," he said. "You have to protect the community at large. Also, with the same breath, sometimes the only way to protect an individual from themselves is by having them locked up until you can get them to a point of treatment."

Part of a series of images Jessica* created with photographer John Trew to portray the emotions associated with addiction. Photo courtesy of John Trew.

Whatever they're doing in Clermont County seems to be working. The death toll skyrocketed to 94 in 2015, placing Clermont at the top of the state for accidental overdose deaths, according to Leeann Watson, associate director of Clermont County's Mental Health Recovery Board. That figure was up from 68 in 2014 and 56 in 2013, said Watson, who is also cochair of the opiate task force. But in 2016, the number dropped slightly to 82 deaths.

One tool that Leahy believes in is his county's community alternative sentencing program, which people can choose to participate in while they are incarcerated.

The program is administered in a wing of the county jail dedicated exclusively to those who have volunteered for treatment. It's an opportunity for convicted drug offenders who are ready to tackle sobriety to make the best use of their time.

"You have to have the buy-in of the court system, which includes the probation department and other mental health and addiction specialists," Leahy said. "It's kind of a multipronged attack."

Court Programs Can't Help When Drugs Don't Show Up on Tests

Andrew, who was placed on probation in January after officers found a needle in his car when he got pulled over for speeding, hasn't had to face a choice like those convicted in Sheriff Leahy's jurisdiction yet.

Not after trying out replacement drug therapy with Suboxone and methadone; not after attending treatment facilities in both Mexico and Florida; not after witnessing two people die from opioid overdoses in his own home on two separate occasions. And not even after his own latest overdose.

When his sober-living housemates revived him just two weeks ago, the police were called and he was taken to the hospital.

If he had tested positive for drugs at the hospital, he would've been kicked out of the sober-living house and sent to jail for violating probation.

The crazy thing is, his drug test came back negative.

"I've been given a lot of grace," he says.

"Grace" for Andrew, this time, came in the form of a standard urine test that didn't detect the particular concoction of street opioids that shut down his system.

Yes, you read that right. The standard drug tests administered at many hospitals that treat overdose victims don't pick up carfentanil and the street versions of fentanyl that are killing people in record numbers.

Even after six near-death experiences and witnessing two fatal overdoses in his own home from opioid use in the past year, Andrew says he still can't promise he won't ever use opioids again. Photo courtesy Stephanie Haney.

"You have to know what you're looking for," said Dr. Barry Sample, senior director of Science and Technology at Quest Diagnostics.

Dr. Allison Chambliss, assistant professor of Clinical Pathology at the Keck School of Medicine of USC, elaborated, "Fentanyl and carfentanil are structurally distinct from the other major opioids, and so do not get detected up by the routine urine opioid drug screens out there that are designed to pick up morphine, codeine, and heroin."

Even if you might have an idea what you're looking for, oftentimes the proper tests simply aren't run - either because they're too expensive or the facility where the victim is being treated doesn't have the proper equipment.

Usually it's only large reference and specialty toxicology labs that have the tools required to carry out these kinds of tests, even though they could be run on urine or blood samples, just like more general opioid tests, Chambliss said.

In Andrew's case, the standard test was apparently run, and it came back negative for opioids. He was released from the hospital and was able to go back to the sober-living facility with no probation violation recorded.

Even after that close of a call, where he narrowly escaped losing his liberty - and his life - he admits, "I still can't promise I'll never use opioids again. It's too good."

"Ready" and "Rock Bottom" Look Different For Everyone

Tugg pointed out that in his ministry of recovering addicts, "They have to come to me. I can't go chasing people down."

He shared Sheriff Leahy's sentiment that drug users have to be ready on their own, which many addicts describe as their "rock bottom" moment. For him, it was a letter from his daughter while he was in prison, asking him, "Who do you think you are?"

Part of a series of images Jessica* created with photographer John Trew to portray the emotions associated with addiction. Photo courtesy of John Trew.

Rock bottom for Jessica*, 26, from Los Angeles looked very different.

Having used drugs since the age of 13, Jessica became addicted to opioids at 16 after trading away cocaine for "tar" and not realizing that it was, in fact, heroin.

At one of her worst moments, she was homeless, on the street, doing whatever was necessary to score drugs. At another, an obsessed partner held her against her will for half a year.

Jessica says her captor forbid her from speaking to anyone else, eating, showering, or even using the bathroom outside of his presence. She finally convinced this man that her going to treatment would be better for their relationship, which is how she escaped that situation.

"When I got to treatment, I had to learn how to form sentences again. I couldn't speak. I didn't know how to raise my head and look somebody in the eye," she said. "Even just eating was a big thing. I didn't know how to do that anymore. I had to learn how to stop asking permission for things, which was really hard. That's something that I still struggle with today."

But even being held against her will wasn't what brought her to the realization that she needed to get clean.

Her epiphany came in 2012 at the age of 21, when she had "everything" in every materialistic sense of the word. She was living with a wealthy man - who supported her $400-a-day heroin habit - in a beautiful home in Southern California. She said it was hitting an emotional bottom that finally did her drug use in over a period of four months when she was trying to overdose every single day.

"It was a feeling of desperation that was something I hadn't felt before," she said. "That true desperation of, 'I have everything in the world, but I am nothing,' that's what was different this time than all the other times. I finally realized that I as a person had no self-worth."

"I would be looking in the mirror at myself, because I was an IV user, and I would shoot in my neck, so I would have to be in front of a mirror. I'd be standing in front of a mirror, looking myself in the eyes as I'm injecting my neck with heroin trying to die," she said. "Praying that you don't wake up this time, that is the scariest feeling in the whole world," she said.

Today, she's five years sober and has been working for the last two and half years at a sober treatment facility in Texas, which she credits with helping to maintain her sobriety.

The Street View of How to Fight the Opioid Crisis

Signs advertise free Narcan class outside New Beginnings, the thrift store and boutique Tugg runs in Akron, OH, in support of Akron Say No to Dope. Photo courtesy Stephanie Haney.

It's unclear exactly what will happen to the wide-scale handling of this epidemic nationwide, if and when the opioid crisis is officially declared a national emergency, but Jessica and the other people we interviewed for this story have a wish list.

Sheriff Leahy, Jessica, and Tugg all agree that more in-house treatment facilities are crucial in this fight.

"When someone is ready to get off of drugs, we need to address that right then," Tugg said. "We need more beds. No wait time."

Jessica noted that in addition to more beds, facilities need more time.

"Long-term treatment is what's working. The 30-day treatment centers are not long enough. You can't work through all the trauma that you've caused to yourself as an addict. Your first week, you're detoxing. Your second, third week, you might be going to groups and start having emotions again, and your fourth and fifth week, you're planning your discharge already. So you've really only gotten a week of actual treatment," she said.

"Starting to form new habits takes a long time. You can't learn that in 30 days, which is why I stayed in treatment for a year and a half," Jessica said. "A lot of treatment centers are only 30 days, which is why they're always full because people, they'll go in, 30 days, get out, relapse, and go back in. The long-term places are getting people and holding them and really turning them back out to be productive members of society."

From a law enforcement perspective, Leahy would also like to see funds available for "one or two more" directed patrol officers, meaning members of law enforcement who are assigned a specific task for a particular purpose. In his community, that purpose would be to have more of a presence to help stop the flow of drugs across jurisdictional lines.

"And maybe a reinstitution of D.A.R.E. or something similar to that," Leahy said. "We can do whatever we're doing now, but we've got to get to the young people."

At the federal level, Trump alluded during his press briefing to the fact that he's talking with China about "certain forms of man-made drugs that come in."

That prospect got Tugg excited.

"We need to put sanctions on China. If they're not going to regulate what they're sending over here, then there should be sanctions against them," he said. "The fentanyl and carfentanil that's going around, they can get it right through the mail from China and get it dropped off right at their house."

Andrew says he got his last batch of opioids from his housemate, who is connected with one of the major drug cartels in Mexico. He won't say how it arrived in Ohio.

We asked what advice he would give - after everything he's experienced - to someone who was considering trying opioids for the first time today.

"I would say, 'Pull out your phone and look up epitaph, because you're gonna want to know what that word means,'" he says. "And then tell everyone you love that you love them. And then flip a quarter. Because there's a 50/50 chance you're gonna die."

*Names have been changed to protect the identities of these sources.

If you or someone you know is in need of drug-related treatment or counseling, you can reach the Substance and Abuse Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) on its Treatment Referral Routing Service helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

SAMHSA's National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

If you're in the Summit County, OH, area, you can call Akron Say No to Dope's 24/7 hotline at 855-246-LIVE (5483).

11 Sexy Movies Hitting Theaters in 2018

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

It looks like 2018 is shaping up to be a year full of sexy, confident assassins and superhot superheroes in movies. From Red Sparrow to A Star Is Born, we've compiled a list of the steamiest films out this year. These movies will make your body shiver with anticipation with their lurid plots and beautiful casts.

I Grew Up in the '90s and I Suffer From "Clinical Nostalgia"

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

My name is Matt Boren - I suffer from "clinical nostalgia."

I am the proud innovator of a term you likely have not yet heard of, but one that may very well apply to you, too: clinical nostalgia. Of course, I self-diagnosed. You may ask, what are my symptoms? My condition starts with a lifelong romance with the past that includes TV, music, musicals, fashion, and movies, mostly from the '90s. In my case, clinical nostalgia has fueled, haunted, inspired, and basically driven my entire career as a writer. It has provided for me a balance in the modern world to raise my children with a respect for being connected beyond technology. Webster's had no term that defines what some may say ails me . . . so I made one up.

The DNA of My Nostalgia

I come from a mother and father who suffer from major cases of the remembers. I guess this makes it genetic. They have shared with me every detail of their lives - from birth to present day - so much so that I may, in fact, be equipped to write their memoirs. In elementary school, my need to get the new of-the-moment Nike sneakers would trigger my dad's own clinical nostalgia, reminding me that when he was my age, he "walked to school in sneakers that had holes." He was proud that his family of six accomplished a lot with very little, my favorite lesson being that to him, what may have appeared to be a little wasn't a little at all. It was everything he needed, if not more. And that mindset made him - and to this day makes him - nostalgic for that time.

In those mornings before school, when my dad left with his briefcase en route to his job in Boston, I would jump in my parents' bed as my mom got ready for work. She would always play the Barbra Streisand records from her teenage years, and I would find out some time later that she loved those mornings because she got to go back in time and for a handful of morning minutes, reconnecting with her teenage self and the world she occupied back then. Clinical nostalgia.

It is no surprise that at 9 years old I got addicted to General Hospital. The entire town of Port Charles navigated their present directly according to the love and pain from their past. Kind of like life. Exactly like life.

My Symptoms

Take my parents' chronic devotion to the past and multiply it by a billion and we get me. I have every handwritten letter I ever received from overnight camp through college. Every folded note passed in high school. Every photo from childhood through college in New York City to my early life in Los Angeles. Sadly, everything beyond that is in some cloud I can't remember the password for.

I think a huge part of pining for the past is the fear of what has become of the now.

The inspiration for the TV shows, movies, plays, and books I write is drawn from my hometown, camp experience, and my years surviving high school in New England. I bought a used boombox (yeah, I said boombox) on Ebay to listen to my hundreds of mix tapes made by friends with love and purpose. Mix tapes that were the soundtracks of our lives. While I have the classic love-hate relationship with Facebook, my love for reconnecting with childhood friends always wins out. I say yes to any party thrown at an '80s or '90s club (and I hate clubs). I watch vintage early-'90s episodes of General Hospital on YouTube on the regular because it gives me respite from this insane world we are living in. I still have every series of my Garbage Pail Kids (mint condition) and I look at them often. I have recurring dreams of my childhood house in Framingham, MA, and in those dreams I reunite with my younger parents, my teenage friends, and myself. I tell my young daughters every single story I can remember - of which there are many - of my life back then. They know all the players now. They, too, could likely write my memoir.

From the above, you might diagnose me as a hoarder. I'm not (and I'm not being defensive . . . fine, I might be a little bit on the hoarder side) . . . but really, I'm just a man, standing in front of his entire past, asking it to love me. Whoa! Wait a minute! Is that what this is all about? Do I live so much in the past that I transpose the past in order for it to fit the narrative of it loving me? I have so many questions for myself . . .

The Cure

Having learned (through therapy and personal growth) that the key to my personal contentment is being fully present, how do we stay fully present when the influence and all the feels of the past have such magnetic pull? I had a brief stint where I tried forcing my daughters to listen to everything from Van Halen to New Kids on the Block, Madonna, Debbie Gibson, Beastie Boys, and Bobby Brown, but they were like "emoji, emoji, NO . . . we like Hits 1." So, consider me a Taylor Swift, Cardi B, Ed Sheeran, Demi Lovato fan now. And while my kids have some serious screen and tablet time restrictions, I can't shove them back in time to when we just got our first cable box and MTV played music videos.

We had call-waiting, VCRs, and no internet back then. If you wanted a phone number, you either looked in the phone book or called 411. If you wanted facts, you went to the library. Now there are alternative facts and the library is Google, which is chock-full of alternative facts. Yes, life in the early '90s was better. We went to high school and, save a cafeteria fight or three, we came home alive. I think a huge part of pining for the past is the fear of what has become of the now. But I know that I can not infuse my children with either the wonderment of the '90s or the fear I have of 2018. What I can do is continue to share the history of my '90s life with them and pray to god it rubs off on them. And what I can do for me is to keep researching what it is about the past that seems so incredibly magical.

Matt Boren is an actor, screenwriter, and author of the novel, Folded Notes From High School.

Processing the Utter Disrespect of Melania Trump's "I Really Don't Care" Jacket

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

The day after the president signed an executive order promising to stop the separation of families at the border, Melania Trump traveled to the Upbring New Hope Children's Shelter in McAllen, TX, to visit facilities where children affected by the zero-tolerance immigration policy are being held. But the first lady managed to make headlines before even arriving at the border. While boarding her plane, Trump was photographed wearing a green Zara jacket that read - we kid you not - "I Really Don't Care, Do U?"

Upon arrival, Trump swapped out the jacket for a cream-colored jacket with no writing on it. Meanwhile, her spokeswoman insisted there was nothing to read into when it came to the first lady's attire in a statement to Newsweek. "It's a jacket. There was no hidden message," said Stephanie Grisham. "After today's important visit to Texas, I hope the media isn't going to choose to focus on her wardrobe." After the visit, Grisham sent out a tweet urging the media to not "focus on her wardrobe" and added the hashtag #ItsJustAJacket.

There's some truth in the fact that these inconceivably tone-deaf decisions and "did that really happen?" moments are ultimately a distraction from the larger and far scarier decisions being made by the current administration. At the same time, a jacket is sometimes more than just a jacket.

In the past six weeks, the government has separated an estimated 2,000 children from their families. In addition to the several political leaders and public figures who have spoken out against the policy, former First Lady Laura Bush compared the shelters to the Japanese-American internment camps of World War II. Pope Francis also criticized the policy, agreeing with bishops who deemed it "immoral" and "contrast to our Catholic values." The executive order President Donald Trump signed earlier this week putting an end to his own policy does nothing to address reuniting families who have already been ripped apart. So some people actually really do care. And the ones who don't certainly should.

The $39 Zara jacket in question no longer appears on the retailer's website, and the internet has of course begun making memes out of the unimaginable gaffe. As outrage, astonishment, and downright disbelief over Trump's wardrobe choice continue to swirl, let's also remember that simpler time just four years ago when then-President Barack Obama was widely criticized for wearing a tan suit.

4 Times NOT to Save Money While Traveling

By bolhaw 08:08 travel No comments

I was bitten by the infamous travel bug about a decade ago, and since then, I've been scratching at the relentless itch of wanderlust. Of course, with the deep-rooted desire to explore every inch of this world, I've had to become quite the mastermind of budgeting. Whether it's scoping out accommodations, activities, or places to eat, nine times out of 10, you can find me deep in the dark internet trenches seeking out the best deals. Because why spend more than you have to, right? Especially when you've got a whole globe to wander. Yet then there's that other 10 percent.

See, throughout my travels over the years, I've uncovered quite a few instances where splurging was worth the extra money. While it's so easy to get wrapped up in the tangle of how much something costs, sometimes the value of forking over a bit more cash is worth a more meaningful experience. What it all comes down to, though, is balance. Well, that and budgeting. Ahead are four times you should not save money while traveling.

When you're paying for an experience you can only have in that particular place. One of the items on my bucket list when visiting Venice was - as you can probably guess - taking a ride on a gondola. Yet my giddiness quickly fizzled when I realized how expensive these rides can be. You want me to pay how much . . . for how many minutes? Because I had an extremely tight budget during that trip, I immediately turned away.
But then I got to thinking and my mind started shouting, "YOU'RE IN VENICE . . . FORK OVER THAT CASH AND GET ON THE DAMN BOAT!" Of course, gliding through the narrow canals with an Italian gondolier softly singing in the background turned out to be even more dreamy than I could have imagined. For me, that experience was priceless.

So if it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I say suck up any guilt and pay. You'll not only be glad you did, but I promise those PB&Js you'll probably have to feast on for the next few days to save money will taste even more delicious knowing you have extraordinary memories to forever reminisce about.
When the extra price is supporting ethical tourism. One of the greatest benefits of traveling is how you are time and time again reminded to put others before yourself. You learn to put aside your own agenda for a while and focus on the bigger picture: how will my actions affect those around me? For instance, while I've always dreamed of riding an elephant - mostly due to watching Disney's The Jungle Book one too many times - I have since realized how harmful this is to these precious creatures. So for me, paying the extra hundred bucks to spend time with (and not ride!) rescued elephants is absolutely worth the steeper price tag.
While we all have different comfort levels when it comes ethical tourism, it is extremely important that we do our part in creating a better world for not only ourselves and others - including the elephants - but also for future generations. If purchasing handmade artwork created by local artisans costs more than what you would spend at a larger store with mass-manufactured replicas, I say bite the bullet and splurge! Knowing the thinness of your wallet went toward bettering a community is better than knowing you got the best deal.
When the higher cost will expand your mind. When you travel with an open mind, the world quickly becomes a classroom. New faces and places continuously bring forth new opportunities to grow and learn. And sometimes, splurging on a guided tour can be the gateway to a more meaningful experience. While these knowledgeable guides can provide you with a local's perspective, oftentimes they can also provide entry into places you wouldn't be able to visit otherwise. Plus, when you're a part of a tour group, chances are you'll be able to skip huge lines and save time.
Yet depending on where you're visiting, free walking tours might be available, too. So by all means, definitely do your research to see if you can save money by joining one of these cheaper opportunities. If so, you can tip your guide accordingly and then spend the rest of the money you saved by chowing down on a tasty traditional meal. Whether it's paying more for a crayfish party in Sweden or eating whitebait in New Zealand, you're not simply purchasing an expensive lunch or dinner - you're sampling local flavors and taking part in an authentic sensual experience.
When time is money. For the longest time, I battled with the same question: will the long, tiresome layover be worth the cheaper cost? Simply put, probably not. Although most people's first instinct - myself included - is to book the cheapest flight possible, over time I've finally learned the importance of weighing the opportunity cost. Nowadays, I focus on the duration of the flights first. If I can find a flight that will get me to my destination faster and only cost a couple hundred dollars more, I am happily willing to reallocate my budget accordingly to lock in that ticket.
Think about it this way: the fewer connections you have, the fewer delays you'll encounter, the less chance your bags have of getting lost, and the fewer hours you'll spend aimlessly roaming terminals trying to kill time.

When it comes to travel time, the goal shouldn't always be to save the most money. Instead, I recommend focusing on efficiency. If you can use your time as wisely as your vacation dollar, you'll have a much more enjoyable experience overall!

15 Things Never to Say to a Woman Going Through IVF

By bolhaw 08:07 Moms No comments

Last year, I endured IVF. I say "endured" because "went through" isn't quite a strong enough way to describe the isolating, painful, and emotionally grueling experience that is IVF. Women endure IVF for different reasons; maybe they struggle with infertility, maybe they've been crushed by loss, or maybe they require genetic testing before getting pregnant.

No matter why a woman finds herself walking down that path, it's a physically and spiritually trying time when friends and family need to be extra sensitive about what they say. I heard my fair share of comments that made me cry, doubt myself, and feel even more alone and scared during my IVF cycle. Here are 15 things I'd caution people to avoid saying to a woman who is doing her best to hold it together during IVF.

"It'll work out." You don't know that! And chances are, if I'm trying IVF, things haven't worked out up until now. So kindly excuse my skepticism.
Telling a story about IVF working/not working for you or someone else. Because everyone's situation is different.
"I got pregnant accidentally." This hurts when you so desperately want to get pregnant and are doing everything possible to make that happen, but you know there are no guarantees.
"If it's meant to be, it'll be." No disrespect, Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line (that song is great), but if you're injecting yourself with hormones every night, you want it to be!
"I heard IVF gives you cancer." True story - someone actually said this to me.
"I was going to do IVF, but then I got pregnant." Sweet. I'll try to ignore the pang of jealousy that just overcame my every hormonally altered cell.
"What if it doesn't work?" Yeah, I lie awake at night obsessing over that very concern. And I have no idea what I'll do if it isn't successful, but I know it will break my heart.
"At least you have another/other kid/kids." Secondary infertility is hard for many people to understand. If you have one child, or more, it doesn't mean your heart doesn't ache if you can't have the family you dreamed of.
Sharing your stats, like the number of eggs you produced, during your own IVF cycle. Because, again, everyone is different, and you're just psyching me out.
Announcing you just gave birth on social media. I can't tell you how hard it was to see those posts. I cried every time. Not that I begrudge anyone else for having a baby. It was more about where I was in my quest to get pregnant.
"I can't imagine what you're going through." I know. And I feel so alone.
Really saying anything at all that's upsetting. IVF injections mess with your mood. I cried at the drop of a hat. It was very easy to get me going.
I'm so worried about you. Some people in my life didn't want me to do IVF. I understand they were concerned, but what I really needed was support.
Asking me if it worked. While I waited for my pregnancy test results, a few friends checked in to see if I knew anything yet. I was so scared to find out, and when I finally did, I wanted to keep it to myself for a while just to absorb. I'd been through so much, so sharing that I was pregnant was something I needed to do on my terms.
"Congratulations." Honestly, once I did share my results, when people said this, I was afraid they would jinx it.

The best thing you can say to a woman going through IVF? Honestly, you don't need to say anything at all. Listening to her fears and her experience is what she needs most. And if she doesn't want to talk about it, please respect that.

11 Hilarious Cat Caves That Look So Comfy, We Wish They Came in Our Size

By bolhaw 08:07 Moms No comments

Spoiling my cat is the total norm these days. In the past, no matter how comfy of a bed I bought, they never seemed to stick until I discovered these comfortable pet caves. These warm and cozy beds feel more like being wrapped in a burrito, so we can see why it's hard to leave. So if you want to treat your feline, we rounded up a list of our favorites. From fish- and mice-inspired picks to even a teepee, you'll love these hilarious finds.

How to Talk to Your Kids - Even the Little Ones - About Gun Violence

By bolhaw 08:07 Moms No comments

Gun violence is nothing new in America, but devastating events like the Parkland school massacre can make it difficult to know how to talk to your children about it all. Gun violence isn't a child-friendly topic, but it's our job as parents to be open and honest with our kids, no matter their age. Hopefully in doing so, parents can assuage their child's fears while at the same time giving them the opportunity to process these terrifying occurrences. Here are some easy steps you can take when discussing gun violence.

Tell them you'll do everything you can to keep them safe. First and foremost, children of all ages want to know they're safe. Do what you can to let them know that you'll do everything in your power to protect them. This comforting reassurance will go a long way toward making them feel better.
Let them know they're safe at school. While even one school shooting is too many, let your kids know that they're still rare. With younger children, get them to focus on the fun things they do at school, retaining their love of education and association with school as a safe space. With older children, discuss the school's policies and talk through the procedures with them.
Talk to them about gun safety. A conversation about gun violence is a great time to establish, or review, your family's gun-safety policy. Since many families keep guns in the house, the opportunity to be around guns for some kids is common. But regardless of whether you have a weapon, let your kids know that guns shouldn't be touched if found, and they should always find an adult who can determine the best thing to do.
Have an active-shooter plan in place. Just like every family should have a gun-safety plan, they should also have an active-shooter plan. Stress to your children that in a dangerous situation, it's best to follow the directions of the adult in charge. If the child is for some reason alone in the event that something were to happen, encourage them to run and escape or seek shelter if that isn't possible.
Allow them to ask questions. Children of all ages should be given a platform to ask questions. In responding, be as honest as their ages dictate, tapering your answers depending on their maturity level.
Tailor your responses based off the child's age. Of course, the older the child, the more in depth this conversation could go. While you might not want to talk to a 4-year-old about the political ramification of stricter gun legislation, this might come up with a tween or teenager.

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I Grew Up in the '90s and I Suffer From "Clinical Nostalgia"

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Processing the Utter Disrespect of Melania Trump's "I Really Don't Care" Jacket

4 Times NOT to Save Money While Traveling

15 Things Never to Say to a Woman Going Through IVF

11 Hilarious Cat Caves That Look So Comfy, We Wish They Came in Our Size

How to Talk to Your Kids - Even the Little Ones - About Gun Violence

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vendredi 22 juin 2018

What Can We Do to Stop the Epidemic?

Incarceration Doesn't Work For Everyone

Treatment Is Crucial - When the Timing Is Right

Court Programs Can't Help When Drugs Don't Show Up on Tests

"Ready" and "Rock Bottom" Look Different For Everyone

The Street View of How to Fight the Opioid Crisis

The DNA of My Nostalgia

My Symptoms

The Cure

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