lundi 6 février 2017
31 Alternatives to Diaper Duty For When All Hell Breaks Loose in Your Kid's Pants
A baby's . . . movements . . . go through a lot of changes as they age, whether you've just introduced them to solid foods, their formula has been changed, they're getting over a virus (worst). Or sometimes, it's just a freak occurrence. Every once in a while, things get a little dodgy - aka there's sh*t everywhere - and there's about a million things you'd rather be doing than trying to figure out where to start the cleanup or how to continue breathing fresh oxygen. Here's a list of 31 things I'd rather be doing, just off the top of my head:
- Go to the dentist.
- Sit in traffic for 24 hours.
- Stand next to a tween at a One Direction concert.
- Watch pimple-popping videos on YouTube.
- Pop a stranger's pimples.
- Experience simulated labor - or just the real thing again.
- Drink expired milk.
- Drink expired breast milk.
- Poop in a public bathroom.
- With the door open.
- Brush a stranger's teeth.
- Eat my least favorite food every meal for a week.
- Sit in a college lecture.
- Be stuck on a four-hour train ride next to a "manspreader."
- Eat something out of the garbage.
- Go to the gyno once a week for a year.
- Help someone move cross-country.
- Get paper cuts between all of my fingers and toes.
- Listen to static on high volume in noise-canceling headphones.
- Run a marathon.
- Read "The Odyssey" in one sitting.
- Drink hot sauce.
- Drop hot sauce into my eyes.
- Inhale hot sauce through my nose.
- Anything with hot sauce that may be mildly uncomfortable, really.
- Clip a stranger's toenails.
- Work for Miley Cyrus for a day.
- Stand naked in front of a crowd.
- Fly from New York to Australia three times - with layovers.
- Sing karaoke in front of the entire world.
- Honestly, anything.
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