jeudi 23 mars 2017
Daddy-Daughter Dances Are Great, But They Aren't Enough
If you have a young daughter and a Facebook account, and haven't been living under a rock, you've probably noticed that daddy-daughter dances are they new "It" kid event. The concept is simple enough: dad and his daughter both dress up, maybe he buys her a corsage or flowers, they go to a nice dinner, and then they hit the local park district or school gym where they take pictures, the daughter dances around with her equally decked-out girlfriends, and dad wonders if he should have stashed a flask in his suit jacket. Maybe throw a sweet slow dance in there for good measure.
Seriously, though, the whole thing is great. My 6-year-old daughter has been to a couple with her dad, and they both had a wonderful time. She loved the special attention, the one-on-one interaction that has so rarely happened since her brother was born three years ago, and the dance itself, where she could rock out to Taylor Swift and Katy Perry until she sweat through her Crewcuts dress. My husband loved seeing her so happy. He came home feeling a little closer to her and like he knew her a little better.
Because the whole event is such a positive experience for everyone, it begs the question: why aren't we encouraging regular dad-daughter interactions more? And, moreover, isn't it kind of weird that dads get so much praise for taking their daughters to what's essentially a fake prom that was undoubtedly originally schemed up by a mom somewhere? Shouldn't we expect this of them and so much more?
Why aren't we encouraging regular dad-daughter interactions more?
I don't want to sound cynical. Obviously, dads regularly interact with their daughters, but in my experience, that interaction is rarely a one-on-one event. Siblings are there, and of course mom is too, and that totally changes the dynamic. Family time is important, but I've always found that we get to the good stuff, the memory making, deep-connection forming stuff, when we have the space to focus all our of our attention on one person, especially when that person is one of our children.
Studies have shown that a father can shape his daughter's self-esteem and confidence, how she sees herself, and her opinions of and relationships with men. According to the Institute of Family Studies, the father-daughter relationship affects a girl's academic and career success, how long she waits to become sexually active, and whether she develops an eating disorder or becomes clinically depressed.
Girls who have close bonds with their dads will reap the benefits of that support and security in every aspect of their lives, throughout their lives. But those bonds with dad don't form as naturally as the ones with mom do. They need to be nudged along, on vacations, on weekend trips to the park and one-on-one lunches, and through fathers coaching sports, helping with homework, and reading to their daughters.
Our daughters need regular alone time with their fathers in order to form the bonds that will ensure they continue to live their happiest, most productive lives and have healthy relationships with men long after they leave our homes and become adults. They need more than a once-a-year dance, no matter how great of a photo op that dance might be.
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