mardi 21 mars 2017
Hysterical Mom Gets Real About the "Ultimate Bullsh*t" That Is Dinnertime
Bunmi Laditan is known for getting real on Facebook about the trials of motherhood, but her most recent post about mealtimes once you become a parent might be her funniest yet.
"I'm not running for public office, but if I were, my entire platform would be that all children under ten be fed intravenously or until they learn to cook for themselves; whichever happens first," she wrote on Facebook. "I'd also introduce the idea of sleepaway preschool for 3-year-olds because there is no one who spends time around that particular demographic who doesn't lose a piece of their precious minds because 3-year-olds do.not.give.a.single.f&@$."
Bunmi is sick of trying to convince her kids to do the one thing they need to do to survive and is over cooking food that nobody will actually touch. "It is absolutely insane that every night, mothers and fathers are forced to waste their life trying to convince their seed to CONTINUE LIVING via the ingestion of essential nutrients," she wrote. "I'm sick of cooking food 1/3, 2/3, or 0/3 of them like and watching them look at their plates of pan-seared chicken thighs with roasted potatoes and baby corn like it's a pile of duck tongues served with on a bed of infant baby fingers garnished with dirty toenail clippings, backwash, and leprosy. It's not poison, kids, it's called FOOD; welcome to life."
Now that Bumni is able to freely express that mealtime is the "ultimate bullsh*t" that she's completely over, this mom has some thoughts for other parents.
To the people who suggest that Bunmi just wait it out:
GENIUS. I'll just sit at the table with one sobbing kid while the other two fend for themselves (i.e. fight to the death). Or better yet, I'll just put the meal away until they're hungry and keep reserving it to them like this is some kind of internment camp or KGB training exercise meant to break their wills so that I can rebuild them into robotic super spies.
To the parents who can't relate to this problem:
GOOD. Then go sit in the corner with your anomaly while the rest of us brainstorm. First rule of parenting: if you don't relate to a struggle, shut the (I love God) up. Just shut it right up. My kids sleep well, but you don't see me talking about it to parents at the park with the shaky hands and bloodshot eyes that scream, "I know what 2 a.m. looks like," do you?
And just to clarify, her ill will isn't toward her children; it's just toward the end-of-day torture known as dinnertime. "I don't hate my kids. I hate dinnertime," she added.
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