jeudi 9 mars 2017
The One Thing You Should Really Prepare For With Your Second Child
Recently, I had dinner with a friend who had just had her second baby a few months before, right around the time her business partner and close friend had given birth to her first. "Everywhere we go, people fawn all over her, asking how she's handling motherhood, how the baby is doing, praising her for getting back to work so quickly," she said. "I'm like 'Hey, over here? I have a newborn, too!' It's like no one cares."
The difference was so stark to my friend not only because she saw it so often at work events and meetings but also because she remembered being in her partner's shoes just a couple years before, when she had her first baby, who's now the 2-year-old toddler who makes handling her second baby so much harder than she expected. Shouldn't she get double the praise, well wishes, and empathy for having two children?!
Unfortunately, as pretty much every mom of more than one child knows, that's not how it works. When you have your first baby, everyone is interested. You get constant phone calls, texts, emails, requests for photos, offers of meals (and that's not even mentioning the presents, which will come from near and far). It's an overwhelming and surprising time, and you will realize then just how much people truly care that you had a baby.
And then you have your second, and it's pretty much crickets. Sure, your parents and best friends will check in on the day you deliver to make sure you survived and the baby is healthy, but don't expect a meal train, okay? Because it ain't happening.
In some ways, it makes sense. Having your first child is most certainly the biggest adjustment of any woman's life. Maybe you watched family members and friends go through it and thought, "That doesn't look so hard," but then you have your own and realize it actually is way harder than you ever could have imagined - and also way better - and it kind of blows your mind and changes your whole view of yourself and the world in general.
Everything is new, and you can't fathom that people have been doing this baby raising thing for hundreds of years without more of a fuss. But eventually you adjust, you forget about the sleep deprivation and how you were in a haze for months, and maybe you decide you're ready for round two.
By now, people expect that you have this parenting thing down. You've had at least a year (we hope) to get it together and embrace your new role and your new mindset as a mom, you already have all the baby gear, and you've figured out child care for your first that will probably transfer to your second. You're a pro. So why would you need the presents and the constant caring phone calls and the praise for doing such a good job?
But the thing is, you do need it, at least some of it. Some bows and pink would be nice if you had a girl after having a boy. A double stroller would help. However, what you really need is support because having two kids? It's no freaking joke.
You are still up all night with a newborn, whose preferences and personality you're still figuring out, and you're dealing with a toddler, who makes every task so much harder and ensures that you really can't sleep when the baby sleeps. And you deserve for someone to bring you a hot dinner and ask how you're coping. Just don't bank on it happening.
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