vendredi 12 mai 2017
Couple Tours a "Cute" House but Soon Finds Out It’s F*cking Haunted
Meet Olivia A. Cole, an author and Louisville resident who is looking for a new home to rent with her husband. Olivia is well aware of the horrors of house hunting, along with the rest of us scarred renters out there, but her most recent experience is unlike anything we've ever heard before. She took to Twitter to take her followers on a detailed 28-tweet journey about a "cute older house" that may or may not have been possessed by the devil.
Buckle your seat belts, because this is quite the ride . . .
So I may have done the whitest thing imaginable today. I never thought I would be this white woman.
But here we are. Join me for this story- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
My husband and I just moved to Louisville and we hate our apartment. So we've been checking out new places to rent. Today we had a showing.
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
We really want more space so have been checking out rental homes. Today we saw this cute older house. A bungalow. I was all http://pic.twitter.com/w8N5hBgH8N
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
It rained last night so the outside is a little gloomy. Older house. Wet stone. My husband is like "Eh it's a little creepy." http://pic.twitter.com/iHHpG7NCYq
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
I'm all "No! it's just rainy! It's cute!" So the agent starts giving us the tour.
First thing we notice is this weird grate thing inside.- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Yeah, we're going to have to side with Olivia's husband here, because the inside of the home just reminded us to do the one thing we're always told not to: judge a book by its cover.
I say "we." No. My *husband* noticed. I was admiring the crown moulding and he was like "Um, what is this?" *points*
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Agent: "Oh that's just the return vent for the AC."
Me: "Oh okay!"
Husband: "Why does it look like the bars to a dungeon?"
Agent: http://pic.twitter.com/peolDuk2lK- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
We move along in the tour. We check out the kitchen. It's tiny and I cook a lot, so even I was like, "hmm." Husband notices something.
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
But if you think a small kitchen is the problem here, prepare to be sorely mistaken.
"What are these scratches on the window?"
Agent: "Oh, I think it's tough to open so probably a little wear and tear."
Me: "Oh okay!"
Him: http://pic.twitter.com/DJOgLCTKgi- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
We check out the upstairs. Perfect room for a nursery. Master bedroom is smallish, but nice big closet. Me right now: http://pic.twitter.com/Em1NQ2msmW
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Husband *inspecting closet*: "Um...what is this little door inside the closet?"
Agent: "What little door? Oh. I didn't notice that." http://pic.twitter.com/PIk60dCYMY- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
By now, Olivia's husband has realized they're currently touring a house possessed by the devil. Olivia, not so much.
Husband opens the door. It's a tiny dark room.
Husband looks at me, whispers: "It looks like that shit from Get Out, Olivia."
Me by now: http://pic.twitter.com/9c32VsbTNv- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Agent: "Let's check out the basement next, shall we?"
Me: "Okay!"
Husband: "I mean..."
We go to the basement.- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
A basement in an already-creepy home is never a good idea.
It's very clean and not super dark. Lots of shelving. Couple chairs.
And a door in the very back.
It has three padlocks & a sliding lock.- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Husband immediately: "What does that door go to?"
Agent quickly: "Oh, I don't think it goes anywhere. We don't have a key."
Me: Ok!
Him: http://pic.twitter.com/4x4ISH3DXb- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Agent: "I think it goes to the backyard."
Husband: "Why is it locked? With like 10 locks?"
Agent: http://pic.twitter.com/jZQJgi0vQM- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Agent: "Let's check out the backyard, shall we?"
Me: "Okay!"
Husband: "Lord Jesus."- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
No.
We go to the backyard. It's so cute. Rosebushes. Hostas and shit. Firepit.
Me, forgetting about the door locked to keep the Devil out: http://pic.twitter.com/bZrS4DmeAh- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
There's a latticework thingy that hides the underside of the house. I see a door.
Me: See? There's the door! It just goes to the backyard!- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Husband: You realize that door is on the opposite side of the basement. (points at blank wall) That's where the locked door should be.
Me: http://pic.twitter.com/tn7X9Y6xqF- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
And he was right. The door I was looking at had a window into the basement. The place where the Devil-locked door should have been was empty
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Agent: "We take online applications as well as paper. <goes over the details.>
Me: "Uh...okay."
Husband: http://pic.twitter.com/NVBYrVxoep- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Please stop, Mr. Real Estate Agent.
We get in the car. Drive away down the gray empty street. I say,
"So...what did you think?"
Husband: http://pic.twitter.com/nYzI0VFRpl- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
All of us have seen the movie where the white woman is making dumb ass decisions & ignoring EVERY SIGN OF THE DEVIL'S HANDIWORK.
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Well, everyone. Today. Today I was that white woman.
The devil almost got me for some goddamn rosebushes and a built-in china cabinet.- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
I was almost signing a 12 month lease with The Conjuring bc my white ass got taken in by some original hardwood floors & a porcelain tub
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
BUT THE HARDWOOD FLOORS.
Considering lighting sage in case the Devil saw my dumb ass swooning over a screened-in verandah and decided to follow me home.
- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Pray for me. But more importantly....pray for my husband for marrying my dumb ass.
Fin.- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 11, 2017
Let's all learn from Olivia and remember that the house from Get Out SHOULD NOT BE LIVED IN IN REAL LIFE. Since the couple's run-in with the devil, it looks like they've learned their lesson on their second house tour, and although we would've loved to be taken on another glorious journey, they decided it was best to leave.
New house hunting thread!
Went to another one today. This one was also haunted, this time with a Blue Lives Matter sign
We left.
The end. http://pic.twitter.com/5kRQnwK8Ux- Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) May 12, 2017
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