mercredi 10 mai 2017
I Want My Kid to Celebrate Mother's Day at School, Dammit
My son's preschool recently included a note in their monthly newsletter about Mother's Day and Father's Day. It was at the bottom of the email after a few other important announcements and I almost missed it until another parent texted me in outrage about it. I went back and read it in full:
"We have traditionally shown our appreciation for all of our wonderful parents by setting up a card making station for the children in each room so they can make cards for Mother's Day and Father's Day (if they like). But times, they are a-changing! We have single parent families, dual mom families, families that are just about every shape and size - and rather than inadvertently point out differences in families during Mother's Day and Father's Day, we are going to offer the children card making stations to celebrate Parent's Day, in July."
The sentiment here is understandable. Of course we want children to feel included. Of course we want to be sensitive to different types of families.
But nontraditional families - and differences in general - have been around since long before 2017, so why now do we feel the need to take measures to avoid holidays (that have been celebrated for more than 100 years, by the way) that may "inadvertently point out differences"?
Are we really doing our children any favors by eliminating any possibility that they may notice or, God forbid, discuss their differences? Instead, why don't we use these long-celebrated holidays and traditions as conversation starters to talk about how every family looks different? As opportunities to share that some kids have two moms and some kids only have a dad? To reiterate that every family is special and unique and deserves to be celebrated in some way? That grandmas and aunts and uncles and cousins are also important people who can be honored on these special days too?
And while I admit my own son lives a very "traditional" life and wouldn't be "singled out" by either of these holidays, I myself grew up with divorced parents, so I know firsthand about feeling like my family wasn't the same as other families. I was one of very few kids in my class with divorced parents; all of my closest friends had "intact" families at the time.
Technically, I was the odd kid out. But honestly, I have no recollection of any school event or holiday celebration making me feel that way. In fact, I'd like to think I'm more understanding of others, and more adaptable, having grown up with a glaringly different circumstance than my peers. I'd also like to think my family dynamic made other kids more aware and understanding of the many different types of families there are in the world, which is something I'd also love for my son to be exposed to.
And listen, I do want the craft. I cherish the crafts. Single moms who commented about the Mission, British Columbia, school that recently announced it would not be celebrating Mother's or Father's Day want the crafts because often it's the only gift they get. But this isn't just about the crafts or the cards.
And it's not about Parents' Day. No one even knows when Parents' Day is, and it certainly doesn't hold the same significance for moms and dads as Mother's and Father's Days do. It's also not even completely inclusive as it's still called Parents' Day, plural.
Differences exist. We're never going to do away with differences.
It's the principle that we're slowly chipping away at longstanding traditions and celebrations in order to avoid pointing out differences. Differences exist. We're never going to do away with differences. And why should we want to? We should celebrate them and discuss them. We should expose our children to them. We should arm our children with tools to handle them. We should fight to keep them as part of the narrative so they become less different and more ordinary.
And our schools, which are constantly reminding parents that everything starts with us, that the most important work is being introduced and reinforced at home, and that they need our unwavering (and often monetary!) support, should show parents that support right back by involving our children in activities that celebrate us or whoever those primary caregivers are on Mother's and Father's Day.
Because if we can't even do that, then what's next? In our quest to be sensitive to everyone, we'll end up tiptoeing around everything at the expense of celebrating anything. And then everyone loses.
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