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The Internet Is Losing Its Sh*t Over This Absurd "Lapping Tongues" Sex Toy

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The internet is up in arms over a certain sex toy that basically looks like everything but what it's meant to be. Produced by "the sexual happiness people" over at Lovehoney, the Sqweel 2 Oral Sex Simulator ($40) features a battery-powered wheel with 10 rotating silicone tongues that operate at not one but three possible speeds to help you reach that big O.

This one-of-a-kind toy is "out to impress your clitoris in every way possible," according to the official product description, which also mentions a "flicker setting [that] rocks the wheel back and forth to wow you into a powerful orgasmic stupor." Hmm, let's get up close and personal with those artificial "lapping" tongues, shall we?

At first glance, we thought there's no way in hell any sort of "squealing" would be had upon using this thing like the product's name suggests. So we did some digging on the toy's website to see what actual users had to say, and the reviews were pretty mixed. It was rated at three and a half stars, with an array of customers praising the gadget's pleasuring capabilities with glowing reviews, detailed below.

  • "Definitely would recommend this product to anyone looking for a great night in!"
  • "If one of your favourite things is someone going down on you, this is the toy for you. Just lube yourself up and let the Sqweel do its work, and within minutes (yes minutes) all of your daily stress is left behind."
  • "If you're looking for something different and simply mind-blowing, this is a must have!"
  • "When I got this toy I was a little nervous of using it as it looked a bit S&M (with the tongues). However, when I plucked up the courage to use it, fireworks started! I wouldn't look back at all now!"
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On the flip side, other customers were left disappointed by the device and couldn't help but detail their dissatisfaction with pointed reviews, some of which are below.

  • "We weren't impressed with the power or speed of this toy and rarely used it. The idea is great but the build quality and feel of the unit wasn't impressive either. Rather noisy."
  • "It just not that strong enough and when you put a little pressure it starts to slow down."
  • "The Sqweel wasn't what we expected. Just too loud and didn't do anything for us."
  • "Don't get me wrong, it feels good - for about a minute. Then suddenly it feels numb and repetitive. Unfortunately, even with all the lube in the world, it just didn't bring an orgasm."
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Though this variety of reviews is undoubtedly helpful, the most entertaining reactions came out on social media, naturally. Twitter user Brandy Jensen recently shared a photo of the strange gizmo, noting how it was definitely designed by a man.

This spurred a sh*tstorm of hilarious responses comparing the gadget to a variety of nonsexual arbitrary objects. It reminded most users of a various types of boats - paddleboats, steamboats, you name it!

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Others commented on how it may actual be a repurposed version of those handheld fans you most definitely used during Summer visits to the theme park when you were younger.

And just like they say in those late-night infomercials, "But wait, there's more!" Someone went so far as to bring innocent kittens into the picture.

And a popular children's toy even made a cameo as a potential source of inspiration.

We're not sure where the inventor's head was at with this one, but we can definitely all agree it's a pretty strange lookin' piece of work.



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