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jeudi 15 juin 2017

How Instagram Has Changed the Way I Parent - For Better and For Worse

When I was in the hospital after my son was born and I kept staring at this very tiny baby sleeping on my chest, my thoughts swirled around. Up until that point motherhood had been an abstract, a figment of future plans and what kind of parent I was going to be. At the same time I was contemplating the big stuff, like how long I was hoping to breastfeed and praying he grew up healthy, I also spent far too much time planning out his first appearance on Instagram. I'll be the first to admit that I lead a curated life, but it's not as bad as it sounds.

I like when things look nice, and I'm not ashamed that I like it even better when it photographs well. Whether it's trying to lead a Pinterest-perfect existence or specifically planning pictures throughout the day, I think the image I submit to the world is worth considering. Yet, I know in the long run it doesn't matter what kind of photos I take or meals I eat; what matters is leading a happy and well-rounded life. Just because I believe in the latter, doesn't mean I can't use Instagram to document my life in an artful way. After all, Instagram is only a tool to do what parents have done for a long time.

My mother's life was greatly seen through the lens of her grandmother's movie camera. She had reels and reels of old movies that were dug out once a year; some of them were even played at my grandfather's funeral. The desire to chronicle the life of a family and child is not new. It is a natural desire and has been going on since people drew on cave walls as a way of saying "we are here." The difference is now we can do it easily and instantaneously, and anything that can make the life of a parent easier is fine by me.

Let's be real for a second about being a parent, especially when our kids are super little: it can be a little boring. I love being with my son, but for his first year he didn't really do a whole lot other than work on basic skills. Those days sometimes felt so long because all I was doing was staring at a baby playing with blocks. So I started using Instagram to entertain myself, keep myself busy, and find inspiration for things for my son to do. Routine and dull days became more interesting and full.

Once I realized that I could plan my day around specific, 'gram-able activities, my approach to being a stay-at-home mom totally changed.

Once I realized that I could plan my day around specific, 'gram-able activities, my approach to being a stay-at-home mom totally changed. It was an excuse to go to museums, make more playdates, try various STEM activities, and play in the park. I turned his closet into a reading nook in part because I knew that he wouldn't just enjoy it, but that it would photograph beautifully too. Just knowing that I could get an adorable photo to share later was enough to motivate me to get out there.

Now that my son has reached the age where he no longer resembles the squishy baby in the hospital that used to do little more than coo and cry, one of my favorite pastimes is scrolling through Instagram to look at his photos. Much like the photo albums I had growing up, I cherish seeing how much has changed over time as well as all of the good memories. My parents didn't have a video camera so there aren't any home movies - and only a handful of photos by comparison - of me as a kid. For my son he will have the opposite problem. He will have thousands of photos and videos to flip through and it may even be overwhelming to dig through it all. Having his life on Instagram at the very least consolidates it into one location.

The photos aren't necessarily for others, though I do like the validation. During the first year of my son's life I wasn't happy that my job took me away from him. Throughout the day I found myself looking at old pictures of him and posting new ones to Instagram. This helped me feel more connected to his day, which I wished I could have been a part of.

Yet, despite my reasons for posting frequently, there are a lot of negatives to having the photo app around. First and foremost, I'm on my phone a lot. I take so many photos in a day that anyone who looks at my photo album would think that I was a little weird for having dozens of nearly identical pictures. I spend a decent amount of time editing pictures, coming up with a caption, and the perfect hashtag. All of these things means I am removed from actual events going on around me. I become another parent who is distracted by her phone when they should be paying attention to their child.

Once I was so distracted by taking a photo of him in his fur-trimmed winter coat that I neglected to put his gloves on. Being distracted by my phone is not a good habit, and a potentially dangerous one, and it's a habit I've been trying to break by limiting phone time, but I worry if I actually put the phone away I'll miss something that I don't want to forget.

His generation, whatever it will be called, will be the first to have its entire life documented on the internet. Future employers, spouses, and friends will have unlimited access to photos and posts about his life. I've tried to be mindful of that and not post anything too embarrassing to his future self, like naked photos (even though I have an amazing bear-skin rug one that itches for some likes). He will be saddled with having a lot of information about himself available to the public, and it might not necessarily be information he hopes to share. With that being said, when my son is an adult, all his contemporaries will be in the same situation so his photograph biography will not be unique.

Instagram is a means to an end. I want to be inspired and encouraged to do fun things with my son while having a way of recording his life, but I recognize its potential problems as well. I'm hoping to strike a better balance between posting regularly and not being as consumed by it.

jeudi 15 juin 2017