mardi 11 octobre 2016
10 Things I've Learned After 10 Years of Marriage
This post was originally posted on Yanira Garza and written by Yanira Garza, who is a part of POPSUGAR Select Latina.
Today is my 10-year wedding anniversary. Damn. Time flew. It seems like only yesterday, I literally was watching him walk down the hallway, hoping he didn't catch me looking. He still asks if I see him as a piece of meat. (Yes. Yes, I do.)
We made it. Some said we wouldn't (haters), but we did. Not unscathed, but we did, because we wanted to. We have both grown so much in ten years, and while we are still not experts in marriage, we figured out a few things that helped us hang on this far. Here are ten things I've learned over the years.
1. Flirt
My husband, though he doesn't admit it, is flirtatious in nature. Not necessarily a sexual type of flirtation, but he does give off a very charming vibe. People tend to gravitate towards him, and I find it very attractive that people are attracted, even if it is just to his persona - I don't need him to get a big ol' head. At the same time, he's very aware of how flirtatious he can be when he tries, and luckily, still tries with me. When in a room full of 10s, make your spouse feel like an 11 from way across the room, and you're doing it right.
2. Fight Fairly
I would love to say we fought because we were passionate, but the truth is, sometimes we fought because we were jerks. We know exactly how to push each others buttons, so if it is ever pushed, it is simply because the person doing the pushing is being a jerk. Having disagreements is natural, but being respectful helps resolve them faster. Don't be a jerk to your spouse.
3. Making Up Is Important
My husband wouldn't apologize. Ever. Even when he was wrong, especially when he was wrong. Apologies were reserved simply to apologize for my misinterpretation. Enter: eye roll. But eventually, he learned to swallow his pride at times, because the words were important to me. I learned to realize that his actions after were more important. It took me 10 years to realize that, while he doesn't like to say he is sorry, he always shows me when he is. Honestly, that matters more.
4. Make Time
We have three kids, so date nights have turned into "date evenings," where we literally just watch Netflix on the couch with snacks. But we make it a point most nights to be together, even if that means all hands on deck to pick up toys, clean the kitchen, and put our spawns to bed. We give up stereotypical gender roles to make that time.
5. Talk Sh*t
We bicker.
"You make me sick, Eddie."
"Morning sickness, Yany. Quit your nagging woman." My husband calls me Yany. You can still call me Yanira though.
Let's just say it's another way we flirt. We act like 12 year olds with each other. Have fun with your partner.
6. Balance, But Challenge
I am a helpless romantic - a huge daydreamer, a risk-taker. My husband is grounded and well-informed but sticks to his comfort zones. When I float off the ground, he holds my ankles, and in exchange, I keep him on his toes.
7. Learn to Be Still
Sometimes your spouse needs to vent, cry, or fall apart. It is not your job to fix it but to be still and allow them to be vulnerable, without judgment, criticism, or unsolicited advice. Even if you do not understand why they are falling apart, just be still.
8. Walk in Their Shoes
My husband and I see things differently. It doesn't make our perspectives any less valid, just different. Agree to disagree and move on. Except, of course, in moments when your spouse is hurt. Even if you cannot understand why they're upset, it is not your job to tell them how they should feel. If they feel wronged, find a way to make it right instead of arguing.
9. Vent Wisely
Don't go running your mouth venting about your spouse to just about anybody. There are people cheering on your failures and blocking your success. It is OK to get advice from your girlfriends if you really need it, but just make sure they are truly friends. Those issues should be addressed to your spouse.
10. You Don't Have to Be in Love
Say what?! Yep. I said it. I love my husband, but I'm not always in love. Life happens, but you have to put in that work. It can be a wink from across a crowded room, a phone call in the middle of the day to share a hilarious story, a stolen kiss on a subway platform in Paris (yes, I'm that hopeless, and it has happened), and just like that you are in love again. It's easy when to fall in love when the other person makes it easy for you to fall in love. It's the same reason I try to look and be my best. I want him to fall in love too.
The best love stories aren't the ones with a happily ever after. They are the ones that continue, page after page, with stories of imperfect beings tangled up in messes that never end. Happy 10. Holy sh*t, we made it, babe.
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