mercredi 18 janvier 2017

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This Is What Valentine's Day Cards Would Say If Parents Wrote Them

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Valentine's Day changes after you get married and have children. What was once a flower-filled, champagne-sipping love fest turns into filling out tiny valentines for children you don't know and buying your own candy. It can be hard to celebrate your undying love for your spouse when you are so tired you can barely keep your eyes open due to chronic sleep deprivation. With that in mind, I would like to recommend a few greeting cards you can give to your significant other if you have been married a while and have young kids.

Hallmark, feel free to contact me if you would like to purchase any of these romantic, swoon-worthy lines for your giant corporation.

  • I know it looks like I hate you, but I love you. Most of the time . . . I think. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • Dear sweet yoga-pants-wearing Baby Mamma . . . I've got your lovin' right here! (Points to crotch) Happy Valentine's Day.
  • Husband, oh husband. If you love me and want to show it, do the dishes without being asked, seriously. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • I love you more today than I did yesterday, mostly because divorce is really expensive and dating seems like a lot of work. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • How do I love thee . . . Let me count the ways: one sock NOT in the hamper, underwear on the floor, dishes on the counter, shoes in the hallways, and ah, yes, urine on the toilet seat. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • Hey, Baby! Let's drop the kids off at the sitter and go home and nap like we are 5 again. You know you want to. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • You had me when you whispered "Netflix." I love you, too. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, it's your turn to change this diaper, or I swear there will be no lovin' for you. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • Nothing says I love you like remembering to take out the trash. Happy Valentine's Day.
  • If I had to do it all over again, I would. I would just do it with a condom - these kids are killing me. Happy Valentine's Day.

So if you want to make sure your spouse knows how you feel, send them one of these message on Valentine's Day. They will feel your love.



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