vendredi 27 juillet 2018
I Just Had a Baby, So Please Don't Jokingly Ask Me If I'm Getting Any Sleep
Want to annoy the ever-loving f*ck out of a new mom? Just ask her this question: "So, are you getting any sleep?" Because, spoiler alert, there is a zero percent chance that she is!
As soon as I brought my newborn home from the hospital (seriously, he was just three days old), immediately neighbors, friends, and family started asking me, "So, are you getting any sleep?" And I had to wonder, did they really, seriously think that a 3-day-old baby sleeps through the night? Do they not know that a baby that age is up all night, every few hours to eat? And that I, his mom, am living on the edge of sanity, clinging to reality?
I mean, folks, in case you can't tell from the tone of this essay, I am about as sleep-deprived as a human being can get. Like all new moms, I have seen hours of the night a functioning member of society should never have to see and live to tell about it. At the bare minimum, I really shouldn't be allowed to even interface with other humans on such little sleep, which is why a question about whether I am getting any sleep is too much to even try to have a sense of humor about.
I beg of you, any person who considers asking a new mom if she's getting any sleep, please ask yourself first if there is any chance she will turn to you and respond, "Yes, I'm sleeping eight hours a night and waking up feeling well-rested!"
No. Here's my ultimatum for you: find a baby who lets his mom sleep. Once you find said baby, this question could possibly be excused or even tolerated. Until then, I must implore every person with even a granule of sense in their heads to ban this question from your list of things to ask a new mom. Might I suggest asking her if you can make her dinner instead? Or perhaps if she needs more coffee? Or ask her if her baby knows how to play the ukulele. That makes about as much sense as wondering about whether she's getting any sleep.
At least wait until her baby is 3 months old. No, 3 years old. Then ask again. If you dare.
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